Smuggler Archive
Thread: A chuckle for the smuggler
Isleh
Thu Sep 02, 2004 10:32 pm
#1158
WOW finally done! This profession has some of the best stories!
I'm a master dancer and some time ago, there was somenoobwho was being abusive to me in the Eisley cantina and after being abusedby some of the patrons and shrugging it off for so long, I finally snapped.
I stopped dancing, equipped some armor and challenged him to a duel. He stood there for a while as everyone looked on and then accepted. At the time I was also working up Pistoleer and Smuggler and he never got up after I knocked him down with the first shot. I tossed a few grenades I had found at him as well for good measure. I didn't kill him though andI didn't end the duel.
When he did get up, I asked if he had enough. He attacked me again and he quickly went down again. Again, I waited for him to get up and then I asked if he wanted another spanking.
He cloned on the third time he went down.
Nicolas_Frost
Thu Sep 02, 2004 11:40 pm
#1159
I have a Master TKA Master Dancer friend, she deals with bad customers the same way. Unless she's buffing someone, then I will.
ZBeeblebrox
Fri Sep 03, 2004 8:57 pm
#1160
Ahoy!
I just hit master smuggler today. I have been reading this thread for months, and as in many cases it was precisely what made me go for smuggler instead of DE as I first intended.
Well, that and the horrid DE grind, but that's a different story.
My first commercial slices started when I got to Slicing IV (I couldn't really wait). I had some marvelous customers those days, all of which are now in my friends list, as I am in theirs. And hey, it seems that good customers get lucky more often with slices. The server gods are not good natured, I know, but they do seem to have at least a sense of humour.
Anyway, it was all nice and fluffy until today, when I had one of the most absurd days in the life of a smuggler.
It all started in Bestine. I had declared my faction in my last game session and, as it is not at all uncommon with me, I had also forgotten to go covert before logging.
Imagine. A rebel overt smugggler. Slicing. In Bestine. Bestine, for the sake of all that is holy!
And you guessed it. As I'm slicing for a customer, half of KDS (imperial guild in Chimaera) jumps in and starts duking it out. I buy the farm, but avoid cloning to prevent decay to my customer's weapons, which were still on me. It takes about 10 min for the area to clear a bit and this nice master doctor resurrects me.
I can think of better places to stay, so I hurry to trade the weapons back, but a new customer has come while I was lying on a puddle of blood and I assume it's safe to serve him with all those overt rebels about fending the imps off. Needless to say I was utterly wrong, and before I can even start I start taking damage. This time I manage to reach for feign death, which did not stop my attackers, but instead moved them to poison my mind and set me ablaze at regular intervals. Sweet of them. My customer complains telling them to let me be, but it takes more than a claim from a neutral to stop a PvP hound, so there he remains, waiting for minutes as I apologize through tells and get the life beaten out of me. Disappointed, but still wanting me to slice his gear, he says he'll send me an e-mail about it and logs. I was almost crying with joy (thanks Medron! You're a smuggler's dream customer!) as you can imagine, but I chose to pay more attention to the imperials instead and waited for the right moment to do a burst and a quick hop on the bike after two bottles of brandy.
And off I go. Saved, with serious wounds but still alive. I took the time to mock one of the imperials through tells, who replied by adding me to his ignore list after a rude remark about me not being worth his efforts. Feeling like a million dollars (I always value moral victory more than deathblow itself), I go to my city to get patched up and covert (my first good idea of the day).
After a ton of free slices to guildies that hurt my pocket more than that mind poison had hurt my blue bar, I dust off to Bestine again trying to make some money off it all. At least enough to cover the trips, the healing and the wasted time.
Not a single slice in 1 long hour.
Finally, a nice newcomer shows up and asks about my price. I tell him it's 5k a piece, but offer to get it to 4k a piece if he's short on cash, which he was. Then, a nearby wookie starts yelling that I'm ripping my customer off and suggests that I should charge (dig this) 1k a weapon. Sure, and why not clean your hair-clogged bath tub for 20 credits an hour. A sweet nearby smuggler argued that 5k was pretty normal nowadays and helped calm things down, but I offered to slice the newcomer's weapon for free just to annoy the furball. At first, the newcomer felt bad about it, but it's never hard to talk somebody into accepting a free slice. I get a pretty nice damage slice on his rifle and start chatting with him.
Soon, a dazzler joins us, and so does the smuggler who had bravely defended our cause. We engage in a few minutes of nice chatter before server shutdown, while the dazzler pulls out a Nalargon and goes all jazzy on us.
The aftermath, lots of wasted time and slicing tools, but the always great feeling that comradery brings in the few minutes that go before every server shutdown. And who knows, perhaps a larger customer base if my so-patient customer keeps his kind word.
I e-mailed him (I hope it was him, I lost the logs so I had to remember his name) telling him that, instead of the promised discount, the first slice would be on the house. It's the least I can do I suppose.
The moral of the story, we're underpaid and undervalued by many, while a few loyal customers still bring us the hope SOE doesn't seem to offer lately. Also, PvP hounds, deprived from their kill, will generally just do anything in their power to give you a hard time, even if it doesn't help them at all in their rankings. I do my best to respect PvP combat even though I normally stay away from it, and I know it was my fault to be overt in the first place (aaaaah, living to the limit!) but beating a grounded smuggler like no tomorrow is, if you think of it, a show of blind revenge and sheer sadism. Still, the fun of taunting your wannabe killers through tells is... well, priceless.
Crappy day for business it was, but if any of you lads (the patient customer, the nice asian guy who got his slice for free, the charming smuggler or that rad dazzler with the nalargon) read this, thanks a lot for your time and conversation. You made the day worth it.
And if you were killing rebels in Bestine by the time, try harder, you haven't got me yet, and I doubt you will
I just hit master smuggler today. I have been reading this thread for months, and as in many cases it was precisely what made me go for smuggler instead of DE as I first intended.
Well, that and the horrid DE grind, but that's a different story.
My first commercial slices started when I got to Slicing IV (I couldn't really wait). I had some marvelous customers those days, all of which are now in my friends list, as I am in theirs. And hey, it seems that good customers get lucky more often with slices. The server gods are not good natured, I know, but they do seem to have at least a sense of humour.
Anyway, it was all nice and fluffy until today, when I had one of the most absurd days in the life of a smuggler.
It all started in Bestine. I had declared my faction in my last game session and, as it is not at all uncommon with me, I had also forgotten to go covert before logging.
Imagine. A rebel overt smugggler. Slicing. In Bestine. Bestine, for the sake of all that is holy!
And you guessed it. As I'm slicing for a customer, half of KDS (imperial guild in Chimaera) jumps in and starts duking it out. I buy the farm, but avoid cloning to prevent decay to my customer's weapons, which were still on me. It takes about 10 min for the area to clear a bit and this nice master doctor resurrects me.
I can think of better places to stay, so I hurry to trade the weapons back, but a new customer has come while I was lying on a puddle of blood and I assume it's safe to serve him with all those overt rebels about fending the imps off. Needless to say I was utterly wrong, and before I can even start I start taking damage. This time I manage to reach for feign death, which did not stop my attackers, but instead moved them to poison my mind and set me ablaze at regular intervals. Sweet of them. My customer complains telling them to let me be, but it takes more than a claim from a neutral to stop a PvP hound, so there he remains, waiting for minutes as I apologize through tells and get the life beaten out of me. Disappointed, but still wanting me to slice his gear, he says he'll send me an e-mail about it and logs. I was almost crying with joy (thanks Medron! You're a smuggler's dream customer!) as you can imagine, but I chose to pay more attention to the imperials instead and waited for the right moment to do a burst and a quick hop on the bike after two bottles of brandy.
And off I go. Saved, with serious wounds but still alive. I took the time to mock one of the imperials through tells, who replied by adding me to his ignore list after a rude remark about me not being worth his efforts. Feeling like a million dollars (I always value moral victory more than deathblow itself), I go to my city to get patched up and covert (my first good idea of the day).
After a ton of free slices to guildies that hurt my pocket more than that mind poison had hurt my blue bar, I dust off to Bestine again trying to make some money off it all. At least enough to cover the trips, the healing and the wasted time.
Not a single slice in 1 long hour.
Finally, a nice newcomer shows up and asks about my price. I tell him it's 5k a piece, but offer to get it to 4k a piece if he's short on cash, which he was. Then, a nearby wookie starts yelling that I'm ripping my customer off and suggests that I should charge (dig this) 1k a weapon. Sure, and why not clean your hair-clogged bath tub for 20 credits an hour. A sweet nearby smuggler argued that 5k was pretty normal nowadays and helped calm things down, but I offered to slice the newcomer's weapon for free just to annoy the furball. At first, the newcomer felt bad about it, but it's never hard to talk somebody into accepting a free slice. I get a pretty nice damage slice on his rifle and start chatting with him.
Soon, a dazzler joins us, and so does the smuggler who had bravely defended our cause. We engage in a few minutes of nice chatter before server shutdown, while the dazzler pulls out a Nalargon and goes all jazzy on us.
The aftermath, lots of wasted time and slicing tools, but the always great feeling that comradery brings in the few minutes that go before every server shutdown. And who knows, perhaps a larger customer base if my so-patient customer keeps his kind word.
I e-mailed him (I hope it was him, I lost the logs so I had to remember his name) telling him that, instead of the promised discount, the first slice would be on the house. It's the least I can do I suppose.
The moral of the story, we're underpaid and undervalued by many, while a few loyal customers still bring us the hope SOE doesn't seem to offer lately. Also, PvP hounds, deprived from their kill, will generally just do anything in their power to give you a hard time, even if it doesn't help them at all in their rankings. I do my best to respect PvP combat even though I normally stay away from it, and I know it was my fault to be overt in the first place (aaaaah, living to the limit!) but beating a grounded smuggler like no tomorrow is, if you think of it, a show of blind revenge and sheer sadism. Still, the fun of taunting your wannabe killers through tells is... well, priceless.
Crappy day for business it was, but if any of you lads (the patient customer, the nice asian guy who got his slice for free, the charming smuggler or that rad dazzler with the nalargon) read this, thanks a lot for your time and conversation. You made the day worth it.
And if you were killing rebels in Bestine by the time, try harder, you haven't got me yet, and I doubt you will
Undergrid
Sat Sep 04, 2004 3:10 pm
#1161
I just turned Master today, standing in Bestine and someone asks me to slice her composite. We agree a price and after a few false trades I get her armor.
The first slice is effectiveness.
At this point she tells me she's hoping for encumberance slices so I tell her to read the last line of my bio which reads:
And finaly, don't tell me what type of slice you want, the Slicing Gods are listening and they are mean!
She laughs and says she wants effeciveness then..
Every single piece of armour sliced for effectiveness.
/Sigh
The first slice is effectiveness.
At this point she tells me she's hoping for encumberance slices so I tell her to read the last line of my bio which reads:
And finaly, don't tell me what type of slice you want, the Slicing Gods are listening and they are mean!
She laughs and says she wants effeciveness then..
Every single piece of armour sliced for effectiveness.
/Sigh
tim1756
Mon Sep 06, 2004 11:08 am
#1163
Ok, this thread is awesome. I've played as a ranger since day one but after reading this thread I am seriously considering starting a smuggler. I've only read through page 9 so I've only seen the tip of the iceberg but these stories are great. I think I'll take a break from reading and go work on creating a smuggler now.
FlyinDuke
Tue Sep 07, 2004 1:07 pm
#1164
Forgot my info and since I can't edit
Isafo Yfabosa - Former Master DE - Corellia - 1k out fo Doaba (I just placed the house, don't know the coords) - Valcyn
DML6589
Tue Sep 07, 2004 7:43 pm
#1166
read the whole thread, found mostly all of the stories very funny. Keep them comin
FlyinDuke
Wed Sep 08, 2004 12:33 am
#1167
Hey guys, I am going Master, on my Pistol exp grind now, and I know this isn't a Slicing story but I feel your pain and thought you guys would like it anyways: This was way back in November, before the new Droids, and I was a Master DE on Valcyn:
me: Selling Probots w/Full armor experimented up to the highest possible - storage data and med mods - 45k Send tells
random: Yeah dude thats overpriced
random: Yeah dude thats overpriced
me: Why do you think that?
random: another MasterDE on tat told me he sells them for 10k
me: what is his name, I want to ask him
random: (gives me some random name) on tat
me: I've never heard of him
random: Well he's been on tat for like 3 months, I doubt you'd know him
me: I bet I would know him
random: how's that if you don't recognize the name
me: kid, I've trained all the other DE's here, all three of them. There are only three DE's on tat (I list the others). Go ask them if you want a cheap droid, none of them are Masters yet, and none of them can experiment yet. But I'll let you know something.
random: whats that?
me:In the amount of time this conversation took, I made a deal to sell ten of these droids to one person, and 3 med droids with a crafting med in each to another for 35k. It looks like you are the only one trying to scam me
Long Pause
me: good luck finding that unknown droid engineer, if you want a droid now though, I'll refer you to my students
And for some reason, after months of inactivity and dropping DE, I come back on to do Smuggler and someone comes up to me
random: Can you make a survey droid for me
me: Did you buy one of my droids months ago?
random: Your tag says your a novice DE
me: I hate to tell you, but I dropped DE in January
random: ...Can you make me a harvester droid
me: I just told you I dropped DE
random: but your tag says your a novice DE
Change my tag
me: Look, now my tag says I'm a Fence
random: Can you teach me fencing 3?
Now I'm laughing
me: Do you even know what a Fence is?
Then he challenges me to a duel
me: ...are you sure you want to challenge me?
random: yeah newb, if a fence doesn't have fencing, you have nothing
I accept, pull out my flamethrower, and use flamesingle, take him out in one shot
me: What did you learn?
random: you're just a newb, you're not what your tag says you are
He recovers from incap, but the flame wound incaps him again
me: What did you learn?
random: newb, are you just going to watch me incap over and over?
me: Sorry, I don't have a tag that says Doctor
He incaps and dies
ZBeeblebrox
Wed Sep 08, 2004 8:15 pm
#1168
Ok, I have a few more. Honestly, being a smuggler must be the number 1 source of anecdotes in the Galaxy.
Story number 1:
I don't know how it was before the build 10 issue with slicing from crates, but I can tell you that now it's fairly difficult to run from one gate of Anchorhead to the other without having one or two people requesting slices from you. My "Master Smuggler" tag is the reason for most of my delays getting the shuttle, even more so than my helper tag.
A fine Tatooine night I was crossing the Anchorhead bridge when I got a request from a marvelous customer (now one of my best no doubt) to slice his gear. I tell him my usual disclaimer, he agrees to the prices and terms, and I even offer a free slice for the hell of it. I'm doing my job, reporting my slices in spatial when a random n00b comes asking for a 6000-credit loan. Looking at his novice tag and watching his badges, I got the impression that his concept of "loan" was a bit more comprehensive than mine, so I questioned him while I sliced:
Zaphod: well, smugglers normally owe money to people and not the other way around... What do you want those 6k for?
n00b: I want a droid I saw in the bazaar (please assume there are hundreds of typos in his lines)
Zaphod: well, I'm serving one of my customers at the moment. We'll talk about it in a minute.
n00b: (2 secs later) I haven't got all day.
Zaphod: ...
n00b: Gimme the money.
Zaphod: (ignoring the n00b, slicing through a batch of weapons)
n00b: (starts writing all sorts if symbols and spamming spatial with endless lines of dots)
Zaphod: look sunshine, I'm giving you 6k for no reason at all, you have no right to get upset. Be patient.
n00b: no, I haven't got all day.
Zaphod: (ignores n00b and keeps slicing)
- a good 5 minutes later I'm done with the slices -
n00b: ok, gimme the money now!!!
/frown
/duel
/lowblow
/panicshot
/lastditch
/deathblow
/ignore
Story number 1:
I don't know how it was before the build 10 issue with slicing from crates, but I can tell you that now it's fairly difficult to run from one gate of Anchorhead to the other without having one or two people requesting slices from you. My "Master Smuggler" tag is the reason for most of my delays getting the shuttle, even more so than my helper tag.
A fine Tatooine night I was crossing the Anchorhead bridge when I got a request from a marvelous customer (now one of my best no doubt) to slice his gear. I tell him my usual disclaimer, he agrees to the prices and terms, and I even offer a free slice for the hell of it. I'm doing my job, reporting my slices in spatial when a random n00b comes asking for a 6000-credit loan. Looking at his novice tag and watching his badges, I got the impression that his concept of "loan" was a bit more comprehensive than mine, so I questioned him while I sliced:
Zaphod: well, smugglers normally owe money to people and not the other way around... What do you want those 6k for?
n00b: I want a droid I saw in the bazaar (please assume there are hundreds of typos in his lines)
Zaphod: well, I'm serving one of my customers at the moment. We'll talk about it in a minute.
n00b: (2 secs later) I haven't got all day.
Zaphod: ...
n00b: Gimme the money.
Zaphod: (ignoring the n00b, slicing through a batch of weapons)
n00b: (starts writing all sorts if symbols and spamming spatial with endless lines of dots)
Zaphod: look sunshine, I'm giving you 6k for no reason at all, you have no right to get upset. Be patient.
n00b: no, I haven't got all day.
Zaphod: (ignores n00b and keeps slicing)
- a good 5 minutes later I'm done with the slices -
n00b: ok, gimme the money now!!!
/frown
/duel
/lowblow
/panicshot
/lastditch
/deathblow
/ignore
ZBeeblebrox
Wed Sep 08, 2004 8:26 pm
#1169
Story number 2:
I'm hunting Jantas with my fellow guildmate Bibblethruster, wondering wether they have cut loot drop rates big time. After 8 missions, we have three stone knives, a fragment of some imperial plans and about 100 credits in cash.
Right in the middle of our last mission I get a tell from a previous customer of mine:
Customer: you free to do some slicing?
Zaphod: sure! But I'm a bit busy with jantas af the moment... how urgent is it?
Customer: no problem, I'm in Mining Outpost.
Zaphod: good, I'll be there after this mission.
Customer: great, I'll wait here.
We kill the jantas, loot them (well, if you can call 1 credit on a janta "loot") and move to Mining Outpost for some more missions and, of course, the slices.
It had been a busy slicing day, two full sets of composite included, and I was running low on tools. I meet my customer and he hands me three very fine melee weapons and tips me 15k instantly, regardless my "under 20% is on the house" policy. Oh well, I hope the Server Gods are not watching.
A puny 18% slice. Great. As if slicing wasn't stressing enough.
A speed slice, above the 30s. Fine! Oh wait, did he want speed or damage? Oh well, now all I have to do is hit a damage slice and we'll all be happy.
"You need a weapon upgrade kit to perform this action".
Great. And I'm in the middle of nowhere!
I get absolutely desperate, with this yet-to-be-sliced marvelous melee weapon waiting and not enough tools for the job. And right as I'm about to tell the customer that I'm extremely sorry for having thought that I had enough tools for the job and that the slices were free for the inconvenience...
(Zaphod looks at the tag on his customer's name: Master Weaponsmith)
Zaphod: er... hey sunshine, mind crafting me a WUK real quick?
Customer: hmmm, I don't have any resources on me...
Zaphod: what do you need (hey, I'm also an artisan).
And hop! He makes the upgrade kit I was lacking.
Damage slice. 33%.
I'm hunting Jantas with my fellow guildmate Bibblethruster, wondering wether they have cut loot drop rates big time. After 8 missions, we have three stone knives, a fragment of some imperial plans and about 100 credits in cash.
Right in the middle of our last mission I get a tell from a previous customer of mine:
Customer: you free to do some slicing?
Zaphod: sure! But I'm a bit busy with jantas af the moment... how urgent is it?
Customer: no problem, I'm in Mining Outpost.
Zaphod: good, I'll be there after this mission.
Customer: great, I'll wait here.
We kill the jantas, loot them (well, if you can call 1 credit on a janta "loot") and move to Mining Outpost for some more missions and, of course, the slices.
It had been a busy slicing day, two full sets of composite included, and I was running low on tools. I meet my customer and he hands me three very fine melee weapons and tips me 15k instantly, regardless my "under 20% is on the house" policy. Oh well, I hope the Server Gods are not watching.
A puny 18% slice. Great. As if slicing wasn't stressing enough.
A speed slice, above the 30s. Fine! Oh wait, did he want speed or damage? Oh well, now all I have to do is hit a damage slice and we'll all be happy.
"You need a weapon upgrade kit to perform this action".
Great. And I'm in the middle of nowhere!
I get absolutely desperate, with this yet-to-be-sliced marvelous melee weapon waiting and not enough tools for the job. And right as I'm about to tell the customer that I'm extremely sorry for having thought that I had enough tools for the job and that the slices were free for the inconvenience...
(Zaphod looks at the tag on his customer's name: Master Weaponsmith)
Zaphod: er... hey sunshine, mind crafting me a WUK real quick?
Customer: hmmm, I don't have any resources on me...
Zaphod: what do you need (hey, I'm also an artisan).
And hop! He makes the upgrade kit I was lacking.
Damage slice. 33%.
Thochkored
Wed Sep 08, 2004 8:58 pm
#1170
NICE!
Had my first /addignore, I just got done getting ent buff in Cnet and I get a tell from some Noob:
Noob: Can you slice a few weapons for me
Me: I just got buffed and was heading off planet, but I could fit a few quick slices in
Noob: How much?
Me: I charge 7k per item
Noob: Wow, that's expensive
Me: Docs are charging 12k for a temporary buff, I offer a service which gives a permanent increase to your weapon
Noob: That's more than what I paid for the weapon
Me: (sencing a Noob) What kind of weapon is it
Noob: A couple of VKs, if you were paying attention you'd know that already
Me: (Rechecking our conversation, yep he didn't say anything about them being VKs earlier) No you didn't. I'm gonna have to stick to my original price, I just told you that I was heading out
Noob: Thank you for wasting my time
Me: NP, welcome to my ignore list
/addignore Noob
/denyservice Noob