Smuggler Archive

Long time reader first time poster here, since you know I haven’t been a smuggler for more than like 5 freaking min. Anyway I went and bought some clamps and knives because I knew that I needed to use clamps from reading this forum lol…anyway on the 3 slice job for EVER for containers I get this.

Me: Usual slicing spam but only for someone whose a novice type "looking to slice containers for free you keep the container and the items"

Spaz: I have some containers.

Me: Ok I’m in front of the Cantina (Mos Eisely)

Spaz: be thr in a min.

Me: ok

2 minutes go by.

Spaz: ***Trade Request***

I look around like what the heck where did that…AHHHH! And what do I see the smallest Rodian that I have ever seen.

Me: ***Trade Window*** he trades me 3 containers.

Me: One moment

Spaz: kk

Me: I proceed to slice all 3 of them open and just my luck theres not a damn thing in ANY of them lol…my heart sunk because I knew where this was going from reading this post. Anyway I looked around my inventory for any junk that I might have to throw in to avoid the situation, but of course I don’t have any do I.

Spaz: U don yet?!?!?!?!

Me: yup ***Trade Request*** I place the three empty containers into the trade window and prepare for the fireworks by putting on my old army helmet on and huddling behind my computer chair lmao

Three….

TWO…

ONE…

Spaz: U **edit**ER YOU CHEATED ME WHAT WAS IN THESE!!!

Me: They all said zero when I sliced them so obviously nothing.

Spaz: **edit** YOU **edit**ER I WANT 50K FOR WHATEVER WAS IN THERE IT WAS SOMETHING UUBER WASN’T IT!!! TELL ME NOW YOU **edit**HOLE OR I’LL REPORT YOU!!!

Apart from his improvement in spelling and incessant use of the caps and the total annoyance factor this was somewhat amusing.

Me: Ok, listen, I did not take anything from your already empty containers. And no I will not give you any of my hard-smuggled credits (at this point I decided I might as well throw in a small dash of role-playing.)

Anyway this went on for a few minutes until it spilled into spatial chat with the usual "DON’T USE THIS SLICER HE WILL STEAL YOUR STUFF!!!"

By this time I’m getting tired of this because the entertainment of it has finally fallen through the cosmic toilet bowl lol

So I say…

Me: oh gee look I wonder what this button does…(press my /addignore /denyservice macro that I learned to prepare from reading this thread)

Me: /shout Ladies and Gentlemen We Have A Winner!!! Come One, Come All, To See The Newest Reason For A Post To The Chuckle For The Smuggler Thread!

/pause 2

/shout And Here’s What You Have Won!

/pause 2

/shout An All Expense Paid Vacation To The Wonderful Tropical Island Of My Ignore List! Where You WON’T Be Lavished With Access To Any Of My Services In The Future. No Thank You For Your Patronage.

Spaz: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?!?!

/addignore spaz
/denyservice spaz

Signed,
Sa’tek Bane

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Rhu wrote:

So, I walk into the Mos Eisley cantina late one night and there's this dancer there.

Whatta looker! Huge green eyes bulging out of her head, a sickly combination of a pastelly red and the most offensive shade of blue imaginable. She was wearing a transluscent and skimpy outfit that showed off her ample flesh. And when I say ample flesh, I mean her gut. This mon cal musta weighted 450 lbs. She starts trying to grind up against me, and I step away, comment quietly to another entertainer that I'm not sure if I want to laugh at the audacity, or blast her.

The dancer persists in keeping close to me... Why me, in the whole crowd in the cantina?Was it my new boots? Does she have a thing forrodians with faded moss green skin and spiny sideburns?I look at her, grumble, and say out loud, "I think I finally have a clue as to what it would look like if a Hutt took up ballet. Thank the Force, or the gods of luck, or whatever, that this is the closest I'll ever come to seeing something like that."

I get a few laughs from other patrons and entertainers, while she gasps and says something along the lines of, "How dare you! You don't see me going to where you do your business and insulting your character!"

I tell her, "Hey, I've got no character. That's why I'm insulting." I give her 1000 credits and tell her, "Take this, and buy something, ANYTHING,to cover yourself up with."

I walk out of the cantina feeling rather pleased with myself.

---

I just scared the crap out of my infant son by cracking up while feeding him. You owe me a clean diaper.

Two little stories

I was in theed, overt imperial (me crazy little boy ) and waiting to get covert (eventually waiting for a rebel to help me got covert faster )

Girl : u slice 4 me
Me : Err, maybe you missed something, like a question m ark and an interrogative sentence right?
Girl : can u slice 4 me? better?
Me : weird accent, .... but maybe i can help (i love to make them wait )
Girl : k, where r u ?
Me : mmm, maybe i'm a bit expensive for you, 5k a piece... I'm near the fountain in front of the starport...
*she cames to me, covert rebel*
Girl : got a helm to slice
Me : Nice, give it to me so that i can tune it a little
Girl : you'r overt.....
Me : mmm, give me a second (disconnect/reconnect trick to go covert during trade)
*trade a helm*
Me looks at the helmet, then combarea
Me : you know what? You'd better fear you overt "friends" if they come around, i would be really sad to have your helm decay because they decided that "red is dead"
Girl : **edit** !
Girl beggins to look around, me LMAO
*slice, during slice, i got covert*
Me : mmm, i see a red dot, it may spoil the slice
Girl : DON'T KILL HIM, HE'S GOT MY ARMOR !!!
Girl begging to run to any blue dot i see
Me trades the helm back

Me laughing really loud

------------------------------
Bestine cantina
Few entertainers around, playing and chatting
One of the guy (no badgesn no guild) start spamming
Spammer : PLZ GIVE ME 100K
Spammer : PLZ GIVE ME 100k

all entertainers around tell him to stop spamming (on spam per second.... that's a BIG spam) because they all want to have 100k
And that they are all waiting for the day when they will have MORE than 100k because they never had more that 50k

A big Lightening bolt in my head.....
*evilgrin*
Hands out my crafting tool, start crafting a chemical survey tool
*critical failure*
**edit**, i'll do it
Star again, make it, yeah !
Name.... mmm, what name could fit.... let's say "100k"
put "100k" for the survey tool name and finalise the crafting session

ME : i got something for you
spammer : really? okip

spammer stops spamming
Me opens trade window, put the "100k" survey tool inside....
He accepts trade MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Entertainer around asks me (in french, langage he doesn't understand) why i gave him money
Me : (in french) i did'tn gave him money, i gave him a chemical survey tool renamed in 100k
*all french assistance rolling on the floor laughting*

Spammer starts dancing, not saying a word

We never heard him again in the next hour, maybe he is still wondering how to open the survey tool to get the money >)

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Satek_Bane wrote:

these are some good stories people but lets keep em coming not to many posts lately....we need to hear more from Ommer (sp) lol.

Signed,

Sa'tek Bane

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Some of us just don't have any really funny stories.

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Cymreig wrote:

As a novice suggler and never having much experience with spices, I decided to ry my own scramjet. The usual happened and I start puking, just the a master smuggler goes past I needed dirty fighting training so I ask him to train me...training failed...so I ask again and he tries 6 times and training fails.

I put this down to the scramjet side effects maybe my mind has been addled and I can't train or dsomething. Ver y patient master smuggler tries again, no luck as i continue puking all over him.

After 10 mins he is getting annoyed and about to give up, until I realise that I was out of bloody skill points!!!

Moral scramjet really does mess with your mind.

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But it makes you stronger!

Another feign death story for you all...

So I was playing around on Dantooine today, minding my own business, killing voritor dashers. They put a wicked mind poison on me and I'm getting close to incap so I hit my FD button. I drop like a stone. Next thing I see is an old man spawn a couple meters away and walk up to me saying, "N'Dak Moonrider, I have something important to talk to you about."

I'm thinking, "Oh son of a bi*** not now!" I start yelling at my group for someone to get over to my coordinates to help me dispatch the voritors (can only use pistols, and we all know how slow those are). Alas the closest person paying attention to group is 3km from me. I look at my group list and there's a guy not more than 200m from me. I spam groupchat asking for his help and when he doesn't answer, I stand up, and now instead of 3 voritors on me, I have 5.

I kill 2. I start working on the third when the old man turns and runs away! By this time my mind was poisoned again so I FD and send a tell to the guy 200m from me.

He shows up, flames the voritors, kills my mokk lair, I thank him for the help, tell him to keep his money and he continues on his way.

Now, I've heard to the old man referred to as Santa Clause before, so I sit down and, since i'm a musician, start singing Christmas songs. Low and behold the old man is back in about 15 minutes

The moral this time is: FD is very useful, but don't use it if you're waiting for Santa Clause!!