Smuggler Archive
Thread: A chuckle for the smuggler
^^^
That is funny. You probably could have gotten busted, but meh, worth the laugh.
So last night I'm standing around slicing mission terminals next to the star port. I hear the shuttle land and a few seconds later I get the following encounter:
guy: Hey, do you slice?
me: Just containers and mission terminals, can't slice anything else yet.
guy: Cool! I have a container
me: Great I can slice it.
** We trade, Islice it, give it back **
guy: There was a pistol in it! Cool! Can you slice it?
me: I can only slice containers and mission terminals.
** Guy wants to trade with you **
That's what I get for being in town wearing a smuggler tag...
At the cantina in Anchorhead we had an imperial raid run through. Rather than get blasted to oblivion, I feigned death and was quickly laid out. After the imps had left I had a novice doctor and a medic try to heal me. They couldn't figure out why I didn't get up because my HAM was at 100%. So while they are intently discussing whether I'm afk or not I stand up and say:
"Beige, I think I'll paint the ceiling beige." And do a /pointup
LOL good one.
WaerbGloofin wrote:
At the cantina in Anchorhead we had an imperial raid run through. Rather than get blasted to oblivion, I feigned death and was quickly laid out. After the imps had left I had a novice doctor and a medic try to heal me. They couldn't figure out why I didn't get up because my HAM was at 100%. So while they are intently discussing whether I'm afk or not I stand up and say:
"Beige, I think I'll paint the ceiling beige." And do a /pointup
I have but one story.
I had a novice smuggler on Bria(i moved to Kauri so i could play with my friend who has the game and his friends from college)
I was in the cantina resting after being a noob and dieing twice without cloning. So this guy walks up and says, "hey, i have a couple containers, can you slice them?"
Me: Yeah, for free. But before we do this, do you understand some are empty. 99% of the ones that have something in them are useless crappy CDEF weapons or 1 unit of some random resource. Also, i have no FANs and i have no Clamps, so this is totally random, but free.
Guy: yeah, i dont' care, its always crap, i don't want them, they are taking up room in my inventory.
Me: Ok
Guy gives me 6 containers, which is more than a few. So i successfully slice 4 of the 6, return the 4 and say, "i failed on 2, you should destroy them"
Guy: Why are you giving them to me.
Me:So you know they are failed and not opened
Guy: I don't care, just delete them.
I was so happy, the day before some other guy was trying to tell me that i stole some "good stuff" out of a container i failed, then i relocked it to make it look like i failed and then destroyed it so he would never know. Now this guy walks up, "i don't care, slice a crapload of containers for me, i don't care if you fail" That was the nicest guy i had met. Hopefully i will encounter the same nice folk on Kauri 
Well, this wasnt me, but I was partly there so yet another story can be told.
I was getting some good old pistol training from a gunman grouped up with anoter slicer who adverticed the 100 creds pr increase.
Person: CAN YOU SLICE (the caps always indicates this is going to be a different trade)
Slicer: Yes, I can
Person: HOW MUCH ?
Slicer: I charge 100 credits per %
Person: So, 100 credits ?
Me: /tell slicer hehe, there you have a dream customer.
So I run off to do some other missions, and I get a tell
Slicer tells you uhm, he tipped me 100 credits
Me: /tell slicer Ohwell.
A bit later
Slicer tells you: Hehe, it was a DL44 pistol
Slicer tell you: I sliced it for!"#!"# 12%, he tipped me 3k and ran off and got instantly killed by a rebel.
/tell slicer He will learn
/slicer tells you: yeah, perfect rich newbie.
ROTFLMAO...omg, I'm crying...that's so funny!!!!
WaerbGloofin wrote:
Got a great one for you. Made me howl last night.
I'm in a starport in Kaadara on Naboo, waiting for a transport to take me to Tatooine. There I bump into an aquaintance, Master Doctor Peanut Butter, and we start talking.
Me:Hey Peanut, how's it going?
PB: Not bad, nice to see you.
Me: Just setting up a shop here in Kaadara, you setting up shop here too?
PB: No just visiting for a bit.
Me:The scenery here is really nice. I like Kaadara but I think it will be a little sleepy for business
PB: I like Kaadara too.
Guy from Nowhere: I like Aldaraan.
PB: Aldaraan's a pile of floating rocks buddy.
Guy from Nowhere: WHAT?
Guy from Nowhere: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
By this time the transport has landed and Peanut Butter has boarded. Guy from Nowhere runs up to Ticket Droid, stops for a momentand yells, "OGM my ticket to Aldaraan doesn't work!"
Had a great weekend with the spice shops. For some reason I'm selling spice faster than I can make it. So I'm thinking, "Hey bud, your pretty weak with the PvP stuff." We have no uber moves so I'm figure I need better protection. So I go off and do some shopping for composite armor.
Shopping for composite is not something done lightly, you have to have a plan. First you have to find someone that sells composite. On three different planets I travelled and found many an armor shop with empty vendors or with composite with 22% resists. This will not do!
Finally after spending the whole day shopping I find a shop selling composite with 49% resists. Wow, some great stuff. After getting breast plate, leggings, boots, helm and gloves, I'm practically broke. Sheesh, expensive stuff! Time to log off.
Log in next day still in armorer's shop. Take a look at inventory. Woohoo! Sold 100K of spice last night! Let's buy some more composite! Uh oh, this vendor is empty. Time to shop some more. After hours of looking and asking around, find shop that has 43% resist armor. Buy right and left bracers and right and left biceps. All right! Got a full set.
Woah! With this encumberance there is no way I can wear this. Time to pull out the slicing tools.
You increase the base effectiveness of chest plate by 26%!
You increase the base effectiveness of leggings by 17%
You increase the base effectiveness of boots by 23%
You increase the base effectiveness of helm by 28%
You decrease the encumberance of gloves by 32%
You increase the base effectiveness of right bracer by 28%
You increase the base effectiveness of left bracer by 28%
You increase the base effectiveness of right bicep by 22%
You decrease the encumberance of left bicep by 16%
Sheesh, what crappy slices. Time to try this stuff on. Put on breast plate, leggings, boots, helm,and try gloves and get:
"You are not healthy enough to wear this armor."
AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH
You consume muon gold (hehehe)
Gloves are on! Let's try a bracer.
"You are not healthy enough to wear this armor."
AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Wait for muon downer.
You consume neutron pixie (more than one way to kill a cat).
"You are not healthy enough to wear this armor."
/cry
I flew into Bestine intending to pick up some things from the bazaar and get out of town fast. I'm standing at the bank whenthe following exchange happens:
Guy /tells: Do you sell clamps?
I rummage through my backpack and /tell: Well, I don't really sell clamps, I just use them for myself, but I have a crate I could sell you for 15k if you like.
Guy, who is apparently standing next to me, says: Whoa!
Guy pauses.
Guy says: Is there any way that you would sell them cheaper?
I say: Hehe, nah, likeI said, I don't usually sell these, so it's 15k for the crate.
Guy stands there silently.
Guy /tells: I got a smuggler here selling clamps for 15000 how is that for aprice?
I /tell: Just fine
Guy /tells: goddamn
Guy disappears.
So im standing outside the coronet starport slicing for a bunch of people when i get a tell:
Anon: "hey loktek" (my in-game name is Lotek)
me: *silence*
Anon: "LOKTEK!!"
me: "If you want me to respond, please say my name correctly first"
Anon: "Sorry, can you slice my carbine for free im poor"
me: "Sure I can do a slice for free, but please wait in line, these people need slices too"
Anon: "But im in a hurry, slice it quick please"
me: "There is a line, please wait for me to get to you"
Anon: "Ugh, I dont have time just do it quick"
me: "Sorry the world does not revolve around you"
Anon: "**edit**, says your opposing faction too, go die quick and come back and slice this for me please"
at this point im just laughing to myself, what an ass
So i finish slicing for the people, and hes still standing there and I say:
me: "Sure i can die for you and slice for free, just duel me and kill me"
Anon: "ok"
*Anon challenges you to a duel*
*I accepted the duel and casually pulled out a flamethrower*
*You hit Anon for 1963 flamethrower damage* (flame single 2)
*Anon has been incapped and set on fire*
I'd have to say this was the best remedy for annoying customers
me: "Sure i can die for you and slice for free, just duel me and kill me"
Anon: "ok"
*Anon challenges you to a duel*
*I accepted the duel and casually pulled out a flamethrower*
*You hit Anon for 1963 flamethrower damage* (flame single 2)
*Anon has been incapped and set on fire*
I'd have to say this was the best remedy for annoying customers
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That's the best laugh I've had today.
Lotek, I have to admit yours was one of the funniest so far. This one from the other night. Not one of the knee slappers but I found it pretty humorous.
A friend of mine opened a cantina over the weekend. I thought I would take the opportunity to park myself and get a little slicing business. I also decided to take along a quantity of spice and see if I couldn't sell it or get some new customers (I give muon and pixie to slicing customers from time to time).
Well, my friend buys all 6 crates of booster, 6 crates of muon, and 6 crates of pixie. He just asks me to run into Bestine and give some of it away and give out the location of the cantina.
I'm in town being the annoying street corner spammer and salesman inviting people to go to the cantina and giving away pixie and muon. If they are a BH, they get pixie. Anyone with a pistol or rifle, they get muon. I meet a guy (Bounty Hunter)that wants me to slice his composite breastplate. 14% effectiveness. Wow, what a surprise. He buys another one and when he comes back, I'm still there. 20% effectiveness. I'm feeling kind of bad about the fact the guy just dumped 130K on armor for a 20% effectiveness slice. He says he is going to buy another and have me try that one so I give him a pixie for the road and tell him to meet me at the cantina.
For the next hour or so, he sends me tells. He's not being rude or anything but he's at the cantina and waiting for me to slice. He asks about tailors, I tell him there should be a few, and I keep being the annoying spammer. We send a few tells back and forth -- mostly him asking if I'm sure I'm going back to the party and me answering that I'd be there shortly. I didn't really have any idea something might be "wrong"...
I show up, the house is packed, the band is rockin', and there is my new friend in his boxers, a tee shirt, and his special edition sunglasses. Now, I mention to everyone that they should eat if they take spice but apparently, he took the pixie and couldn't wear his armor after the downer. I had also assumed that because he was a BH, he was familiar with pixie. He didn't have any street clothes so that's why he was asking me for a tailor. Rather than run into town in his underwear, he wanted to wait at the cantina. All this time I had no idea that he was sitting in a cantina with 195K of brand new armor (he bought another breastplate) wearing only his underwear and wondering how I got him screwed up so badly. To make it even worse, while he was asking "That 14% was a fluke right?", I give him a 21% encum slice.
He was good enough to take it in stride and I finally got a nice 36% encum slice on his 4th breastplate last night.
Oh, but I did manage to get some food off the vendor in the place so he could at least get dressed.