Smuggler Archive
Thread: A chuckle for the smuggler
So, I'm in the Tyrena cantina doing some slicing last night when I have a loyal customer ask if I'm in Tyrena. I reply that I am and I'd be happy to help him out. I slice his 3 weapons, and he's having trading / lag issues. He tips me 10k and asks if that is enough, to which I reply, "More than." (My price is 2500 per slice, actually.)
So he thanks me and runs out of the cantina. 5 seconds later I finally wipe the tears away from laughing and get this typed out...
"Would you like your weapons back?"
Great stories! Keep it up. Kept me from playing for 15 minutes to read this thread!
-JWalker Black - Ahazi
The other day I was in Tyrena with my slicer title over my head. I was just standing there going through inventory, reading emails, etc... and a guy comes up to me.
guy: do you slice?
me: (on the inside: it says slicer idiot) yep
guy: can you slice a container?
me: I can but you should find a novice to do it
guy: Why?
me: because I charge 2k credits per slice and a novice might even pay you (I didn't feel like going into the whole they need the xp bit)
I go back to what I was doing, the guys is still there
guy: 2000 to slice a container?
me: I charge 2k to do any slice, usually it's weapons
guy: that's too much
this goes on for a bit, me saying the price, him saying it's too much for a container. Eventually he runs off.
When you tell someone you'd rather not slice a container and you give monetary reasons for them not to use you, why do they still insist?
me: slicing locked containers, desperately need the xp
guy: how much u charge?
me: heck, ill give u 100 credits if its successful i need the xp
guy: great here 2 containers
me: these containers have already been permanately locked
guy: yea a slicer tried to unlock them already and couldnt
me: sorry but once it is failed once nobody can unlock it
guy: well if u arent good enough to unlock it give them back
me: here ya go but its not that im not good enough. even weapons can only be sliced once same as containers u should destroy them and stop hauling them around
guy: whatever, how do i know u didnt jip me and keep all the cool stuff inside for yourself
me: cuz im an honest person who eventually would like to make a decent living off of smuggling and slicing. AND there is NEVER anything cool inside containers.
guy: yea right i see u got a DX2 pistol for good faith and messing up my containers why dont u give me that
me: heres 200 credits for the containers that i did NOT mess up because u already tried to get them opened. for good faith
guy: F*** that!!! what if those containers had a FWG5 or something in it you f***ing smuggler
me: (offering to duel)
guy: (still cussing at me)
me: /ignore and walk away with 15 minutes of my life i will never get back
heh some people:
customer: hey, do you slice?
me: yep, 1k per slice
customer: great i have a weapon i really need sliced for dmg, how good can you get it?
me: well its random, i cant choose what gets sliced
customer: oh, ok..well i still want it sliced
me: ok
(he gives me the weapon)
customer: whats your success rate?
me: technically 100percent. theres the possibility i may hit the wrong button because of stupidity but generally i dont fail
customer: will it destroy it if you fail?
me: no, a failed slice wont destroy the weapon
customer: are you sure?
me: yes
customer: but what if it does?
me: it wont. besides, i wont fail so you dont have to worry
customer: youre sure?
me: positive. ive sliced hundreds of weapons and ive yet to see one get destroyed because i failed a slice.
customer: ..but what if it does
after this point i just slice the weapon and hand it back to him.
Mine is not all that good but here we go:
Me: /shout "Slicing containers, if failed i'll pay you 500 credits"
noob: "Can you slice this for me?"
Me: "Sure, trade with me."
Me: "I failed heres 500 credits." /tip 500
Noob: "Can you do it or not?"
Me: "Uhmm once you slice a container it cant be sliced again."
Noob: "Well a master smuggler can."
Me: "Good luck finding one who one to slice again."
noob: "Well i am not paying for this."
Me: "Uhmmm you dont have to. I paid you for failing."
noob: Something about me being a theif and stealing from him.
You have recieved 1000 credits as tip from noob.
THrust
Random tell from guy: hey can you make electronic keys?
Me: Umm. No. I think that's junk loot or something, isn't it?
Guy tell: dude how do you unlock stuff?
Me: Laser knives.
Guy tell: c'mon man sell me some keys.
Me: I don't make keys. Sorry.
Guy tell: you just don't want the competition
I don't respond.
Guy tell: you should really help your fellow smugglers.
Me: This is a joke, right? You're pulling my chain?
Guy tell: NO MAN I NEED SOME @#%$ KEYS TO GET XP!! DON'T BE A $#@#
Me: (to my friend next to me) Some moron is telling me he needs electronic keys to level slicing or something.
Guy says: THAT'S ME $@#^&#!
(oops... he was right off screen there lol)
*Local Slicer spams hissuper extra low grindin' rates...*
Me: Talk to him.
*few momets of silence, I assume Guy sends him /tells*
Local slicer: wth u talkin bout?!
Guy: you guys are in cahoots!
This one happened back in the day when /setcurrentskilltitle was an active bug.
Newbie_01: Hey, a master smuggler! Can u slice my weapon?
Me (Relieved at finding someone who appears to know how slicing works): Yeah, sure - you know my pricing scheme?
N: Yeh
M: Good, trade it here
N: Wat, I have to give it to u?
M (quite disppointed): *sigh* yes, trade your weapon to me.
N: Hell no! u'll keep it!
M: Eh... no, I won't - if I did that my business wouldn't last too long, would it?
N: Fine *trades me his gun, I slice it and send him a trade request*
M: Right, that'll be 2.5k.
N: I have to pay u 4 that?
M: Eh... yeah - you said you knew my prices, so pay if you want your weapon back.
N: This is bull**edit** *he pays and I give him his weapon*
*remembering the Laser Rifle in my inventory that I never use anymore*
M: */setcurrentskilltitle crafting_weaponsmith_master (or whatever it was)* Speaking of weapons, I have a couple of great laser rifles leftover here, would you like to buy one? I'll let it go for 12k (it actually WAS a really good laser rifle, with 534 max damage w/o powerups).
N: What do I need to use that?
M: Expert Rifle
N: Sure *we trade, except he typo'ed and put 13000, but I didn't tell 'im, being a complete meanie myself*
*remembering more crap I have that I wanted to sell*
M: */setcurrentskilltitle crafting_armorsmith_master* Speaking of combat, I have this great set of Composite I was looking to sell (I had bought like 3 fullsuits and was gunning for a certain pattern of high-level slices, so I had a lot of leftover bits and pieces). I think I could let it go for 100k, if you're interested
N: Dude, ur a master armorsmith too?
M: Uh... yeah! Of course! The galaxy's finest!
This continued for probably 15 minutes, with me flicking between master doc to sell off excess stimpacks, master architect to sell a couple of small houses and extractors I no longer needed, Master DroidEng to sell a pre-nerf probot, etc. The funny thing was, it took the people around me until about the 7th master-level title to realize it wasn't possible to master more than 2 or 3 of the titles I showed, lol
as a smuggler dealing with this crap all day long, this has been the best thread i have ever seen. i will post stories as they happen. thanks to all who have posted here....it's been so entertaining.
-Dark Helmet, PAX
Tamreal all I have to say to you is, now thats acking like a smuggler....
... sort of.