Smuggler Archive
Thread: A chuckle for the smuggler
MalickRycon wrote:
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The second story is proof the server gods are not ALWAYS fickle, but definitely have a sense of humor:
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Then he proceeds to ask for a Damage slice.
Horrified, I look at the former smuggler. "Oh god, tell him what he just did," I urge, and the former smuggler proceeds to explain that the guy is doomed to get an 11% slice. For speed.
The Rifleman continues to chant "damage" and I slice away. And in a perverse display of their infinite wisdom, the server gods bestowed upon him: 32% damage on the first T-21, and 28% damage on the second! The former smuggler and I both stood there, dumbfounded as I traded the weapons back, got paid, and the rifleman proceed to go show his friends what he'd just gotten. I was proud of the slices, but stunned that he had gotten what he asked for.
The moral of the story is, perhaps the server gods just need a little worship. Have your customers chant what they want, and see if they don't get it. .. .
--Malick
Hmmm... I think you have a pact with the dark side. I have had my customers chant, dance, sing, lick me, and just about everything else you can think of after they have specified the slice they want. There is no way the smuggler gods will give a customer what he wants.... I think it's in the user agreement somewhere when you start the game. So obviously, there is just one thing to say to this post.....
NERF MALICK!! 
I finally have one:
A master artisan: Hey I will trade you a 99.9999 armor upgrade kit for a slice
I thought he meant a 99.999 armor repair kit and was actually considering the offer but asked him
Me: Do you mean an armor repair kit and if so how many charges (my ubese jacket is falling apart and I really need one of those things)
MA: No an armor repair kit - don't you use them to slice?
Me: Well I do but I pay 100 credits each for them - 2500 for a crate of 25
MA: Oh well that makes sense - they are pretty easy to make....
Me: I think I'll stick with my standard fee of x credits 
Random Thoughts....
Ever notice that smuggler's are the most honest players in the game, and are frequentlyon the recieving end ofvarious frauds? Thats no right...
When carrying a sliced weapon, the tag says that the person carrying could possibly get unwanted attnetion from the Empire... now what kind of unwanted attention are we talking about here? Is there a possibility that I could pick up a Stormtrooper stalker?
If molecular clamps are molecular, why in the hell do they take up more minerals to make than a rifle?
Why does low blow work on females?
Why is my last ditch attack the first attack in my queue?
Why did the Developers get rid of the Neutron Pixie WW2-esque downer incap, that was fun.
Why is there a limit to how much money I can give to a faction and FP to recieve? Hell if I was a recruiter I'd say "Keep it coming!"
Why, when I get scanned and attacked by a stormtrooper, does he put away his rifle and start trying to fist me to death???
The green words are the highlights of my rant/speech/discussion with myself...
Maybe not funny to me, but, I have not had any spice sales scince I reached Spices IV.... (I do not undercut, though)
At least I can get 2k gooddestroy missions with some pistoleer skills, since I can't smuggle worth a darn....
Anyone else have some good news? Bad news? Funny news? Han Solo jokes? Have the Devs told us when we can smuggle?
Can weget a new pistol cert yet?
For laughs, read the yellow and red words seperatly.
I was in coronet advertising about my slices, which I charge 5k for and all that. And up comes this Master Smuggler trying to undercut me, charging 4k per weapon. So what I do is lower my prices to undercut him. But I wanted to deliver the deathblow to him, so I called in a buddy of mine and told him I had a “capitalist operation that needs done”. I told him the plan was to come into coronet and say “Nak, just the wookiee I wanted to see!” “I need a weapon sliced, can you hook me up?”. The trick was that I was going to say that I got him a 35% dmg slice, attracting the customers to me. As soon as we pulled it off and I said “Wow! you’re a lucky man, 35% dmg slice” so that everyone in Coronet could hear it, the Master Smuggler just LD’s . Justice served.
Jango8899 wrote:
I don’t know whether to feel cheap, dirty or what….
I was in coronet advertising about my slices, which I charge 5k for and all that. And up comes this Master Smuggler trying to undercut me, charging 4k per weapon. So what I do is lower my prices to undercut him. But I wanted to deliver the deathblow to him, so I called in a buddy of mine and told him I had a “capitalist operation that needs done”. I told him the plan was to come into coronet and say “Nak, just the wookiee I wanted to see!” “I need a weapon sliced, can you hook me up?”. The trick was that I was going to say that I got him a 35% dmg slice, attracting the customers to me. As soon as we pulled it off and I said “Wow! you’re a lucky man, 35% dmg slice” so that everyone in Coronet could hear it, the Master Smuggler just LD’s . Justice served.
Damn....
That's a great idea.
About one page and a couple of days ago, I stated the following in this thread:
"I have had my customers chant, dance, sing, lick me, and just about everything else you can think of after they have specified the slice they want. There is no way the smuggler gods will give a customer what he wants.... I think it's in the user agreement somewhere when you start the game...."
So that very night I had finished hunting on Dantooine and had sat down to log off when I get the tell "Can you slice my armor?". Well I figure a few extra credits will make me sleep better, so I standup to cancel the logout and say "Sure". He walks up and the first thing he says is "I know it's random, but I need encumberance really bad, and I will pay you DOUBLE if you get some good encumberance slices."
Wow! Talk about the double-curse! If this guy doesn't get 9 effectiveness slices, I'll be stunned!
Well, I guess I'm eating my words for dinner: 8 out of 9 Encumberance!! With each one my mouth dropped a little bit more. I guess every now and then the smuggler gods take a vacation. Probably all go somewhere and play Sabacc with each other.
Maaaaaan, I wanna play sabaac. And you So gotta quit posting about when the gods arent payin attention, you are makin my sig look bad lol.
Today I am in my usual spot slicing when a fellow in full composite asks me about my prices.
Ztepper: The usual 100/%?
Me: That has never been usual for me.
Ztepper: What is it, then? 6/14
Me: max damage per %.
Ztepper: hmmm...
(I continue slicing armor for the customer I was with)
Ztepper: So if it's a 300 damage weapon, how much would a 30% slice be?
Me: 9k (check out the big brain on Ztepper)
Ztepper: No thanks. Too pricey.
Me: If you want a cheap price, I can do a survival knife or wood staff for you. Guaranteed to be under 1k.
(no reply, he leaves. I collect 75k for the full suit of composite I had been slicing)
I find Ztepper outside the starport and tip him 3500 credits.
Me: You need it more than I do, man. That should cover any novice smuggler slice.
Ztepper: Actually, I just got 6 long vibro axes sliced at 100/%, all over 35% slices.
Me: You are full of crap. Maximum weapon slice is 35%.
Ztepper: Wrong...and I know you're lying. Yout got a 43% on that chestplate while I was waiting for you.
Me: Is a chestpiece a weapon? No.
(7k bank tip arrives)
Ztepper: Hope that helps you.
Ztepper: (re: maximum slices of weapons v. armor) Doesn't matter...slices are the same...I was a master smuggler for four months.
(Note: Smuggle is 6th of the 14 Profession badges in his bio
Me: No, they are not the same. Weapon slice range is 15%-35%. Therefore, your vibro axe story is crap.
Ztepper: Believe what you want.
Me: Yes, I shall believe what I know to be fact.
And earlier today....
A fellow gives me 20 swords, stun batons, etc to slice. Half of them are already sliced. I charged him for every one.
Ommer wrote:Why does low blow work on females?
not to be a pedant, but it actually does hurt us getting hit there you know, maybe not as much as guys but not something i could take standing up that's for sure.
hehe, today a feller who neatly cleaved me in twain a few days ago during a raid came up with a suit of armour for me to slice. after pausing for a bit to wonder why i'm about to help him possibly beat me up again at some point in the future, i went ahead and did it - all the slices between 11 and 20%, mostly effectiveness save 3 or 4. he didn't say anything, just paid my 25k fee. *snicker*
see, sometimes bad slices aren't so bad after all.