Smuggler Archive
Thread: A chuckle for the smuggler
Tonteth
Wed Apr 14, 2004 5:50 am
#638
Lol Rylan. That is one of the best I've read.
Here's my story.
I'm on Dathimor doing enraged rancors solo. And I get this tell.
- Guy: Hey, I'll let you slice my weapons for me for 1k an item. What ya say?
- Me: 1k an item? You're kidding right?
- Guy: No, you gonna do it or what?
- Me: No, that's a waste of time and supplies.
- Guy: What! You f*cking ass clown, see if I ever let you slice my stuff again
- Me: You make the mistake in thinking I need slicing exp. Find yourself another smuggler. And welcome to ignore.
So I go on happily with my rancor hunt, about an hour passes and I get another tell.
- Guy 2: Hey!
- Me: Hi?
- Guy 2: Remember me?
- Me: No... should I?
- Guy 2: Yah, we spoke about an hour ago.
- Me: You again? What, this an alt? Got another great slice opportunity for me again?
- Guy 2:Yah, but this time I'll pay 5k per item.
- Me:I don't slice for jack asses
- Guy 2: I'm sorry for what I said earlier.
- Me: Fine, but if you want me to slice for you, 10k an item. And if you try to scam me, your stuff becomes my stuff.
- Guy 2: Deal, I saw you in the outpost, stay there.
I meet up with the guy at the outpost and right away I had a feeling he would try and rip me off, so I took my creds out of my bank. I slice up his stuff, 7 guns and one set of ubese and I get a g-mail. He did what I thought he would, fake bank tipped me. This conversation is no longer in tells, it's spilled out in to the outpost.
- Guy 2:Ok, there's your money, give me my stuff
- Me: Uh.. do you think I wouldn't know if you were trying to scam me?
- Guy 2: Oh, what do you mean?
- Me: Look, if you want your stuff back, do a proper tip, otherwise I'm keeping this stuff.
- Guy 2: You can't, it's mine
- Me: You agreed to my slicing terms. If you want it back, tip me properly
- Guy 2: Fine. *another bank tip*
- Me: You just did it again!
- Guy 2: Give me my stuff back before I get you banned for stealing!
- Me: "All trades are final" it's a nice game policy isn't it?
- Guy 2: FINE! *another bank tip*
- Me: I see where this is going, have a nice day.
At this point I've added him to ignore, and have kept his junk. My guildies who are in the star port tell me that he's running around spamming I stole from him and I might want to do something about it. I tell them I did, I added him to ignore, and went on with my missions.
Anyone who tries the same scam 3 times on the same person after being caught...
Daermoth
Wed Apr 14, 2004 7:10 am
#639
She happily paid mefor the second slice, and said (still don't believe it) "Thanks. Anything you get is still making my stuff better!"
Definitely on the top 10 best customers ever list.
Pelligrosa
Wed Apr 14, 2004 11:31 am
#640
Back from the dead!
I've been really really busy getting ready for graduation, so I hadn't been able to play for about 4 days. So, last night, I finally log back on and begin to repair my poor burning harvesters when I see that I have a new e-mail. There were the usual factory e-mails and what not, but there was also this really weird e-mailtimestamped from reight after I logged off 4 days before.
"Hello!Isee that you are a Master Smuggler! I don't want to leave Dantooine, so could you please slice my stuff whne you get back on line? I'll pay 2k per item! Thanks!"
after that, there's another e-mail from the same guy dated 6 hours later.
"Hello? Sorry, had to go off line for a bit. Did you get back on? I really need those slices! Send me a tell when you log in!"
Then another one, 2 hours after that.
"Are you getting back on or not? I know you can read this, it goes to your real e-mail too! [don't know where he got that idea from...] Are you ignoring me because I'm a rebel? I'll pay you 4k per itme so come back on!"
Then another one from the next day
"Ok, I understand if you're an RPer, but this is just silly. Come over here and slice my stuff! I'm waiting for you! I even turned down other smugglers who WANT to slice my stuff because I want that master slice! So get over here, ok? Don't ignore me anymore, it's rude."
5 hours after that
"Alright, B*TCH. Fine, be that way! I'll tell everyone that you are prejudice and ignore your customers! You probably aren't even a master smuggler! I'm not paying you any more than 2k per item so get over here right now! This is your last chance before I report you and tell all my friends not to get slices from you because you are mean and this is a game which means we have to help each other. I'll be at (waypoint)."
2 hours later
"I've asked nicely, but you continue to ignore me! FINE. BE THAT WAY. I don't care, it's your money! I'm putting you on ignore so don't even think about asking to slice my stuff because I won't let you and you'll never get any xp! I've reported you to the CSR too, that's what you get for ignoring good customers!"
I couldn't stop laughing, evey e-mail was worse than the one before. He was online when I finally logged back on but he had me on ignore so I couldn't even tell him what an idiot he was making of himself. Mind you, I've been a Master for a while now, I have no real need to slice other than some extra income, this made the e-mails even funnier. Some people have trouble seperating galaxies from real life.
I especially like the part where he implicated that you can be reported to the CSRs for ignoring someone, especially since he put me on ignore. That's priceless.
-Pelli
_Flash_
Wed Apr 14, 2004 2:11 pm
#641
This is still my favorite one
Khayden wrote:
Yesterday a guys messages me:
guy:"Hey I want my weapon sliced"
me:"Excellent, I can help you out there"
guy:" I want a good slice!"
me: "I want to give you a good slice, however you have to remember, it's random and I have little control over how it will turn out."
guy:"I want 30% Damage"
me:"Like I said it's random, and I can't choose damage over speed, that is random as well."
guy:"Master Smuggler can."
me:"No, a Master Smuggler will have a chance to get you a higher slice than I can,but he also has a chance to go lower than me."
guy:"Okay, do it for Damage"
me;"Sigh, I can't slice it for damage, it might be speed, as I said before it's random. I can sell you some PowerUps that will increase your Damage by 33% for 100 uses."
guy:" yah yah! Thats good, how long do they last?"
me:"Um, 100 uses."
guy:"Okay slice my weapon and give me 2 PowerUps."
me:"27% speed increase"(ofcourse..it was fate!)
guy:"Awww..I told you damage!, It was already fast!"
me:"Yeah, I got the hint, sorry, told you it was random, here's your weapon"
guy"**edit**! You made it slower!!!"
me:"How so?"
guy:"It used to be 3.8 speed, now it's 2.3"
me:"yeah, umm...would you rather the rifle fire once every 3.8 seconds or once every 2.3 seconds?"
guy"Oh...right, can you slice it for 30% Damage now?"
me: /ignore guy
4canada
Wed Apr 14, 2004 4:02 pm
#642
After trying my hand at quite a few professions and never finishing them (I'm novice in all the basic professions & 5 advanced), I finally settled on becoming a Master Smuggler. Something about the way my brain works makes me laugh when I think of my charachter, which is an Imperial Mon Calamari Smuggler; 3 things that don't usually go together.
I'm at 0-2-1-3 in the smuggler tree and am sitting in Bestine beside the Imp. Missions terminals slicing them & grinding through spices when I get a tell from a guy standing in fromnt of me.
Guy: Hey
I finish what I'm doing & look at the spatial chat log & notice he's said 'Hey' 3 or 4 times already but I didn't notice because of the crafting I was doing.
Me: Hey! Sorry about that, I was crafting & not paying attention. What's Up?
Guy: I have a waypoint.
I look at the guy, he's got no badges or guild but has managed to get himself a full suit of bone armor to go with the CDEF rifle he's got. I figure he want's me to help him with a mission or something.
Me: O.K......
Guy: It's XXXX , XXXX
Me: O.K..... What's there? (It's on the other side of the planet)
Guy: Fiberplast.
Guy: 94%
Me: O.K..... (/think to self: Do I need fiberplast? Did I ask?)
Guy: It's good. You should go there.
Me: O.K. You do realise that it's 88% here in Bestine and it saves a trip across planet?
Guy: But 94% is better.
He then proceeds to run off to kill spaceport junk. Still don't know why he decided to give me the WP but he seemed like a nice guy.
I got a tell the next day from somebody asking me to slice some weapons for him while I was on Naboo. I explain that I'm probably not the best person for the job as I am not a Master yet (I'd reached level 3 by then), but as I was the only Smuggler in the area he said he didn't care. He shows up a few minutes later dressed in a full suit of composite armor. We go over the prices, payment & randomness of slicing then open the trade window, into which he puts two CDEF Carbines.
Me: You really want these sliced? (4.6 speed, 36 max damage)
Guy2: Yes.
Me: Really?
Guy2: Yes. I need carbine XP. I gotta start somewhere.
Me: These are horrible guns. Are you sure?
Guy2: Yes. I know.
I ended up making 2 new guns with better stats for him & slicing them instead of his other guns, we trade, he pays, none the wiser, but with much improved stats. It was really sad for me to have to watch him repeatedly get KO'd & incap. die to Chubas with the Composite on, but I got over it.
Can't wait to actually become a smuggler. Actually it's the people I can't wait to meet when I become a smuggler.
I'm at 0-2-1-3 in the smuggler tree and am sitting in Bestine beside the Imp. Missions terminals slicing them & grinding through spices when I get a tell from a guy standing in fromnt of me.
Guy: Hey
I finish what I'm doing & look at the spatial chat log & notice he's said 'Hey' 3 or 4 times already but I didn't notice because of the crafting I was doing.
Me: Hey! Sorry about that, I was crafting & not paying attention. What's Up?
Guy: I have a waypoint.
I look at the guy, he's got no badges or guild but has managed to get himself a full suit of bone armor to go with the CDEF rifle he's got. I figure he want's me to help him with a mission or something.
Me: O.K......
Guy: It's XXXX , XXXX
Me: O.K..... What's there? (It's on the other side of the planet)
Guy: Fiberplast.
Guy: 94%
Me: O.K..... (/think to self: Do I need fiberplast? Did I ask?)
Guy: It's good. You should go there.
Me: O.K. You do realise that it's 88% here in Bestine and it saves a trip across planet?
Guy: But 94% is better.
He then proceeds to run off to kill spaceport junk. Still don't know why he decided to give me the WP but he seemed like a nice guy.
I got a tell the next day from somebody asking me to slice some weapons for him while I was on Naboo. I explain that I'm probably not the best person for the job as I am not a Master yet (I'd reached level 3 by then), but as I was the only Smuggler in the area he said he didn't care. He shows up a few minutes later dressed in a full suit of composite armor. We go over the prices, payment & randomness of slicing then open the trade window, into which he puts two CDEF Carbines.
Me: You really want these sliced? (4.6 speed, 36 max damage)
Guy2: Yes.
Me: Really?
Guy2: Yes. I need carbine XP. I gotta start somewhere.
Me: These are horrible guns. Are you sure?
Guy2: Yes. I know.
I ended up making 2 new guns with better stats for him & slicing them instead of his other guns, we trade, he pays, none the wiser, but with much improved stats. It was really sad for me to have to watch him repeatedly get KO'd & incap. die to Chubas with the Composite on, but I got over it.
Can't wait to actually become a smuggler. Actually it's the people I can't wait to meet when I become a smuggler.
Zandergeef
Wed Apr 14, 2004 11:45 pm
#643
Were do people in the above post get full suits of compositearmor. I decided I would try and throw in comando into my template of smuggler/pistoleer but Im not dumb enough to use cdef carbine or cdef rifles I instead go and buy some very nice starting carbines and rifles from a very good weaponsmith, braggon if your from kettemoor, and iamuse those tomaster marksmen.
Sidenotea littlefunny:
Iaskeda guy to train me in rifle one today whichhe did and found that hedidnt have any of the languages learned so I offered to teach him and did. I asked him if he was new around this part, my attmpt to rp, but it turns out he has been around for 4 months. I thought most people picked up all the languages within a few weeks of playing, guess not. Hesaid something like "wow you must be able to comunicate with everyone" and I almost fell out of my chair. He must have been very confusedseeing all of the AFK spammers in coronetwho arnt speaking in basic. I mean this guy hadplayed for4 months already and was just5 seconds away from coronet spaceport.
DRWolfe
Thu Apr 15, 2004 10:27 am
#645
"No way! I'm not letting you explode my bird!"
LOL!
So, what would you have done if he said to go ahead and try it?
LOL!
So, what would you have done if he said to go ahead and try it?
Message Edited by DRWolfe on 04-15-2004 01:29 PM
Ryutek
Thu Apr 15, 2004 10:39 am
#646
That is hilarious. I'll have to remember that...
ROFL
"The Wookie might survive..."
"No way, you're not exploding my bird..."
ROFL
LM
Thu Apr 15, 2004 1:57 pm
#647
OMG -- ROFL!
"Whoa! I had no idea mounts were so dangerous!"
LOL
still laughing here...
Lylak Moon
Tarkane
Thu Apr 15, 2004 3:25 pm
#648
I needed that after reading about teh whole NPC smuggler thread....
Might eplode
ROFLMAO
be glad it was a biird and not a "Mouse" MSE.......
MalickRycon
Fri Apr 16, 2004 5:46 am
#650
Well, this post could be titled "Stupid Smuggler tricks."
So there I was last night, reaping the benefits of finally making Master Smuggler. It was 11:00 when I got on, and I wanted to be in bed within an hour. But I just couldn't turn down all those people wanting slices. So I'm in Coronet, and I'm charging 100cr per %, and doing a brisk business.
I receive a /tell asking if I can slice some armor, and I respond with "sure!" Thinking bigger slices mean bigger profit.
He asks if anything under 25% is free, and I tell him no, I don't slice for free, and no matter what, his armor is getting better. He still agrees, and hands me his Composite helmet and chestplate. Well, I craft a couple of clamps and away we go: 31% eff on the helmet; I grin and tell him, then move on to the chestplate. And promptly get an 11% eff. I groan, and trade him back (inventory is full enough, I can only do two pieces at a time.
When I hand it back to him, I tell him not to worry about the chestplate. I may not slice for free, but everyone's got pride, and I was just plain downright embarrassed. He proceeded to give me the rest of the armor in dribs and drabs, and it comes out pretty okay. Until the last piece.
I click on one of the braces to slice it, and I get the message that I need an AUK to slice it. Stupid Smuggler forgot to count how many he had. I was even MORE embarrassed, and asked him to wait a minute while I tried to locate one. I contacted another smuggler (Mack Licious) who happened to have one and really saved my bacon. he even brought the AUK to me, so the guy wouldn't think I was trying to steal his one last piece of armor. In the end, even though I made him stand around for five minutes waiting, the customer tipped me an additional 5k credits. Like a true smuggler, I accepted the money, but made a mental note to always make sure I had enough AUK's lying around! What a night.
The second story is proof the server gods are not ALWAYS fickle, but definitely have a sense of humor:
Rifleman: Can you slice my weapon for me?
Me: (After checking my WUK supply) Sure!
Rifleman: Great! Do you use 99% kits?
Me: (cringing inside) No, and it doesn't matter. Kit quality doesn't make a hill of beans difference in this crazy world we live in.
Rifleman: You sure? I've been told it does.
Me: Yes, I'm sure. It really doesn't. Still want the slice?
Rifleman: Sure.
So he comes over, and a former smuggler is around. I just sliced a weapon of his for 17%, and he paid me for it, but we spent a minute griping about the randomness. So the rifleman comes over, and asks to have his weapon sliced. He hands me two T-21s that are already pretty sweet, but in need of some Smuggler love.
Then he proceeds to ask for a Damage slice.
Horrified, I look at the former smuggler. "Oh god, tell him what he just did," I urge, and the former smuggler proceeds to explain that the guy is doomed to get an 11% slice. For speed.
The Rifleman continues to chant "damage" and I slice away. And in a perverse display of their infinite wisdom, the server gods bestowed upon him: 32% damage on the first T-21, and 28% damage on the second! The former smuggler and I both stood there, dumbfounded as I traded the weapons back, got paid, and the rifleman proceed to go show his friends what he'd just gotten. I was proud of the slices, but stunned that he had gotten what he asked for.
The moral of the story is, perhaps the server gods just need a little worship. Have your customers chant what they want, and see if they don't get it. .. . 
--Malick