Smuggler Archive

My contribution isn't that amusing, but I'll share nonetheless.

I was in Theed, just healing some Battle Fatigue, and as I was heading off to the bank I get this guy shouting at me:

Him: Hey! Merauder!
Me: Urr, hey there..
Him: I need training
Me: Thats nice!
Him:Train me in Fencing Stances 1
Me: Sorry I don't have any fencing skills..
Him: Train me in Fencing Stances 1 please
Me: Dude, I told you, I cant, I'm not a fencer
Him: STOP LYING, IT SAYS IT ABOVE YOUR HEAD, I'M NOT STUPID!
<etc>

This was when I had to explain that my "Fence" title at the time came from the smuggler tree.. after a few more Fencer related tells when he clicked and asked what a Fence was, I had to say it was something used to hold sheep, /ignore, and run..

The best is puking your guts out from the downer and being told, by a guild mate that's a teacher, that it's red ribbon day, where all the kids are told to say no to drugs.

This is more annoying than funny. I was slicing stuff in Coronet, had been for the last hour and was VERY busy. I must have been the only Master Smuggler on eclipse at the time (or they all hid their titles). Anyway:

Dude1: Hey, can you slice these guns for me pls
me: sure, trade pls *quote him my pricing list*
Dude1: OK, that's fine
Dude2: Can you slice stuff for me please? I have a suit of armour.
me: (to Dude2) sure just let me finish this guy's slice.
Dude2: OK.

Dude2 sits down next to me.

me: ok 24% speed, 35% damge, 30% speed, 25% speed
Dude1:Wow thanks (tips me fee)

Dude3: pls slice my armour i am by shuttle terminal
me: (to Dude3) sure but i am doing someone else's armour first so will been five minutes. If it's urgent please contact another smuggler. (me thinking he might need to fly out)
Dude3: nah it's ok i'll wait. there's no others near anyway.

I finish Dude2's slicing all pretty good slices, he tips me.

me: (to Dude3) ok ready, coming to you now
Dude3: About time FFS! I've been waiting for ages

(sigh... here we go)

Dude3: please slice all for encumberance, effectiveness is no good
me: well, i can only do what comes out, it's random.
Dude3: yeah, but please try for enc
me: btw i usually set a minimum of 2k per piece for armour if it's not a whole suit
Dude3: but you didn't say that before (he was out of range of my spam apparently)
me: fine i'll waive the 2000 min
Dude3: and no charge for slices under 20%?
me: sorry i can't do that
Dude3: But everyone else does
me: well that's their choice
Dude3: ok, carry on.

Slicings went... 34%Enc, 45% Enc, 43% Enc, lucky so far...

He traded me these 1 at a time, it took him about 1 minute per trade to check the slice *sigh* in the meantime 3 people have already messaged me saying they need slices. he tipped me with each trade.

me: can we speed it up a little please i'm losing business
Dude3: huh? you're the one slicing, you need to speed up
me: i'm waiting for the rest.
Dude3: oh ok.

passes next 2 items together. 18% Eff and 25% Eff

Dude3: I'm not paying for dud slices
me: we agreed this all earlier, you accepted my charges.
Dude3: but no one else charges for dud slices
me: as i said, that's their choice, i do charge, you accepted.
Dude3: ok

tips me, passes next item: sliced for 16% eff *oh dear*

Dude3: **edit**! i said Enc not eff!
me:*sigh*
Dude3: i'm not paying for that it's a dud.
me: ok fair enough *he still tips me the charge*
Dude3: right that's it i'm telling all my guild not to use you for slicing.
me: ok, that's your choice.
Dude3: you're the worst slicer i know, charging a brother imperial for dud slices
me: you're not in my guild, so you get no discount.
Dude3: OH FFS, i missed my shuttle now cos of you!
me: *sigh*

passing overt rebel tells me: "want me to follow him and kill him when he gets a TEF?", i reply, "no it's not worth it heh".

Dude3: seeing as i have to wait, can you slice some more stuff for me?

/addignore

in spacial...
Dude3: hello?? you still there?........

The world is full of interesting people.

I step out of the starport of Entha one day.. standing there waiting for the city to load in front of me, when I get this,"'Scholar' has challenged you to a duel". When the lag gets back to normal I send him a tell, "Can I help you?" No answer. So I /examine scholar.. a practically brand new wookie.. no badges, no guild, an empty slate.. and hes holding a great big axe.
So I get on guild chat.. "whats the reach of an axe?" And announce what was happening. I despise PvP, as my score is 0 for 4. I get some reassuring answers.
So I /tell the guy again.. "Is there something I can do for you?"
Scholar: Can you teach me 'blah'?"
me: Sure!
So, we meet near the bazarre, we group, and he gets RIGHT IN my face (getting closer with that axe, I tell myself)
So, I look at the "teach" options.. as Im scrolling the endless list of languages that Wookies can't learn, he pipes up "Well, can you?"
I decided at this point that he was seriously rude just from the way he was acting.
So I said: Why did you challenge me to a duel?
Scholar: Jus coz. (A brilliant idea).
Scholar: You want to? NO DB, got it?
me: No thanks. And walk over to the bazaar term.
Very obnoxious Wookie laughs at me and walks back to the starport area.
.....
.....
It dawns on me.. there's still an open challenge...
....
evil grin
....
I swap out my clothes for the armour in my backpack, equip my FWG5 and head over to the starport.
There he is just standing there.
I /examine again to make sure I didnt miss anything.. then...
I take my first step toward the Darkside as I LB,PS,LD, Bleed1&2... rinse, repeat.. Everytime he got up he's running around looking for me.. and never got within 30meters. /endduel
I didnt DB, as I am too much of a nice guy, tho he did deserve it (moments later this is evidensed)..
I hop on my bike and head out of town.
Scholar tells you: you are a #@#@#@#@#@. Not cool turning down a fight then walking up to them and blowing their brains out.
me: you shouldnt pick fights.
scholar: you are a smarmy #$#$#@$@@#@
me: (thinks to self "smarmy"? lol wth) You have your life, enjoy it.

nothing further.

Not all that humourous, but to me it serves people right when they are rude and get theirs.
I never, never challenge people, pve is challenging enough for me.

I realize that it could be considered underhanded. In my opinion he deserved it. Why would anyone challenge someone out of the blue, and be rude to them when there is no history between the parties?
And in the same light, I am a Smuggler, I dont have to play fair.

I have another one for the thread...

I was slicing in Coronet, when a guy comes up to me (his name was pr0n0star or something like that... I should have seen that one coming)

pr0no: I have some gloves for you to slice.

me: Alright, let's see them.

He trades me the gloves and a container.

me: I charge 1000 credits for opening a container

pr0n0: You better not steal anything out of that container. I know what's inside!

me: Really? How do you know what is inside a locked container already?

pr0n0: And I want an encumbrance slice on those gloves

me: You know it's all random, right?

pr0n0: C'mon, hurry up! Chop Chop!

So I slice the gloves for him, and I get a 19% effectiveness slice (aah, karma). Before I sliced it, I told him I was charging 200 cr per %. So I tell him:

me: Alright, that's 3800 cr for the gloves, and 1000 cr for the container.

I open the trade window with him, and put the gloves and the container in there.

pr0n0: Hey, these gloves aren't sliced

me: Yes, I increased the effectiveness by 19%

pr0n0: Only thing I see is a 5% increase

me: I sliced it for 19%. You owe me 4800 cr total

pr0n0: Trade it to me and then I'll tip you the credits

So I see where this one is going....

me: No, put the money in the trade window and I'll give you your gloves and container.

So at this point he gets quite pissed off, telling me how he's the most trusted commando on the server, and how I'm a n00b that I don't know about the tip command, and how he's going to report me for abuse, etc.... So when I'm not budging on this, he says:

pr0n0: I'm gonna go get my friends!

I see him run over to his wookiee friend and say "This n00b smuggler has my stuff and won't give it back!" So here comes his friend who says to me:

Friend: You won't give back his gloves?

Me: I'll give him them back as soon as I get the 4800 cr. payment

friend: pr0n0, you owe this guy 4800 cr?

And his friend tips me the 4800 cr. I trade the gloves back, and pr0n0 says:

pr0n0: Stupid n00b

me: You're blacklisted. I'll make sure every smuggler I know refuses to slice for you.

On the upside, I had one customer waiting patiently watching the whole thing, and I made 50k creds from her.

I just started up the smuggler tree a week ago. I'm currently 1-3-2-1. I've had a horrible time trying to find locked container, clamps, etc etc. (then I find out that my guild has a slicer; go figure). I've been using clamps on my containers cause I thought thats what your supposed to do, heh.

Anyway, I was running all over the galaxy spamming that I slice locked containers (I'm too poor to pay upwards of 3k for them). A guy comes up to me and wants me to slice his container for him.

Me: Sure, I can slice it.

Him: How much?

Me: Free, I need the XP.

Him: Ok, do I have to trade?

Me: Umm, yeah, there is no other way.

HIm: How do I know you won't steal it?

Me: LMAO Why would I want a unlocked container?

Him: You might want wants inside of it.

Me: No, there is usually only CDEF's, or they are empty. I'm just need the XP.

Him: Ok /trade

I just got armor slicing today and unfortunately the results haven't been great. I think I will hold off slicing anybody's stuff till I'm lvl4. I would hate to get any of those hate messages you guys have gotten.

bump

I may be a bad person for this but..

I'm running through tyrena on my way back to dantooine and give my slicing containers yell.(I'm at slicing 1 right now) when I get a tell from a guy that he has 4 containers to be sliced.

Now this guy meets me in the starport and trades the containers to me. I start slicing and run out of clamps after 2 slices(thought I had more on me)

I inform the "gentleman" about the situation and the 50% chance with the last two and i understand if he wants those two back unsliced. He says go ahead and slice them. Lo and behold I fizzle both.

I tell the and starts swearing at me for failing and saying I did it to grief him because he's an Imperial. Now he's covert and I'm covert so I have no idea he was an imp. He then demands his opened containers. I check their contents out and lift the carbine speed 1 armor attachment out leaving the 1 unit of steel and give back his boxes.

The moral as always is "Never piss someone off who has your gear"

OK, here's my version. As soon as I got weapons slicing I open up with spam saying that I will slice for free with no guarantees it won't fizzle out. As soon as customers inquire I charge 3k for using a clamp. Be amazed. I got like 12 people in a row who wanted me to use clamps. The weapons in order were;

CDEF Pistol

CDEF Carbine

CDEF Carbine

DLT20a

CDEF Pistol

CDEF Pistol

CDEF Rifle

FWG5

T21

Wood Staff

Axe

CDEF Carbine

Republic Blaster

I laughed all the way to the bank 39000 creds for such crappy weapons. Explained to all customers fully beforehand.

BTW the t21 was for a friend and the Republic blaster was from a well respected commando who got one sliced for free and got lucky with a 25 damage slice.

This needs a big bump back to the top! It should be stickied....

Guess this guy I sliced for today had short term memory loss, I charged him 40k to slice 2 full sets of comp. After I'm done we go to trade back, he puts the money trade goes through fine. I'm happy he seems to be happy got some good enc slices plus just made 40k in about 5 minutes. about a minute after things are all done he says oh I forgot to pay. Just as I'm about to remind him that yes he did pay me, a so and so tips 40k comes up. I'm not one to pass up a little bonus like that so I thanked him and asked him if he would ever like anymore slicing to please feel free and contact me anytime lol

I step off the shuttle at coronet. And low and behold there is a novice smuggler offering 10k for locked containers. I hate to see any novice paying for containers, because it sets the expectations that smugglers should pay for the privilege to unlock them. The exchange which follows is almost word for word.

Rude_smuggler: Buying locked containers 10000 credits

Me: Why are you offering so much for containers.

Rude_smuggler: Cause I’m rich

Me: You know your screwing all novice smugglers who will come after you

Rude_smuggler: I don’t care.

Me: /sarcastic; Good attitude

Rude_smuggler: I can report you for harassment, now b quite

Me: Oh, please do.

Me: /addignore Rude_smuggler


It never fails to amaze me how inconsiderate some people can be. Here I am trying to keep this guy from ruining the smuggling profession for novice smugglers, and I get threatened with a harassment report.

/shakeshead