Smuggler Archive
Thread: A chuckle for the smuggler
Lol these are great. I have too many to really put down(mainly cause they all run together)
The one that stands out the most is the one that taught me to use /tell rather than /reply when typing sensitive information.
I was out in front of Coronet Starport, doing the traditional Slicing spam, and really not getting much business.
So I started talking with one of my buddies, and that basically degraded in to a slander fest, then i look up at my Chatbar only to see the following:
Friend tells you: Stupid a** b****!!
Friendly Customer tells you: excuse me, but could you slice a few weapons for me?
You(Me) reply to Fiendly Cutomer: You C***biting F***tard!!!
Heh needless to say my next 10 replies were Super apologetic, (sorry about that. SERIOUS misstell. sure i'll slice for you if you still want me too)
Hetook it goodnaturedly, and i sliced his weapons. I did such a good job that he added me to his friends list for future slicing.
After that anytime my buddies were engaging in some good old fashioned trash talk i made sure to use /tell.
Korbus Killfinger
Almost master Smuggler (150k xp to go) carbineer (a lotbit more than 150k to go)
Naritus
Okay, this was a wierd day.
Outside Coronet, not even spamming, just sitting there, making clamps.
/tell Hey, can u slice my pistols? (How'd this guy get my name? My tag's not up, and I haven't been Slicing anything but my own equipment)
/me Sure. 100c per %.
/him Okay. /trade
/me (looking at 2 new CDEF pistols) This is going to cost you more than the pistols are worth, you know.
/him Nah, I paid 5k for each of those, they're awesome!
/me (Holy **edit**! 10k for two CDEFs???) Um, all right...
two speed slices later....
/me 22% and 25% speed slices. Freebies.
/him ?
/me Dude, you got ripped off HARD. CDEF pistols are the free ones you start out with. Even a brand new one made by a Master Weaponsmith is only around 250 credits.
/him You're **edit**ing kidding.
/me Nope. You got ripped. I feel kinda bad for you, so the slices are free.
/him Thanks for the info. I think I'm gonna look up the guy who sold me these.
I get a tip for 2k for the slices anyway. I feel kinda sorry for the guy, y'know?
Ten minutes later someone wants me to slice some composite. Still have no idea where these people are getting my name from.
/me 100c per %.
/him Okay, I want effectiveness slices on all of it.
/me (oh, lord) I can't control that. It's entirely random.
/him Oh. Well, go ahead.
/me All right.
7 straight effectiveness slices later....all over 20%
/me Holy **edit**.
/him I LOVE YOU!!!!! MARRY ME!!!!
/me I'd rather you just paid me, and we can call it even, okay?
/him WOOHOO!!!!
I get a nice little 100k tip, and an insanely happy customer walks away.
Now watch. I'll never get that sort of luck again.....
TakiGaraa wrote:
I don't think it's appropriate to label someone as an idiot because their understanding of the game is far less than yours. I don't understand why some people would ignore someone just because they want to further their knowledge in the gameYes some of their questions or comments may not have been what the normal SWG player would have asked/said (for all you know they could be little kids), but i don't think it's necessary to call them idiots or ignore them. Some people need to learn patience instead of just trying to rush through situations. Some are very funny though. In the end, it's still just a game.
Yeah, a game and I'm not paying $14 a month to be a social worker or a teacher. Not my job to teach all the Leet Doods out there how to play nice, nor is it my job to socialize them. I play the game to relax, not get even more annoyed. If you're willing to put up with ignorance, be my guest. Educate the masses. As far as I'm concerned people who irritate me are only an /addignore away. I just wish I could do that in real life.
Keep the stories coming, guys, it's damned funny.
Eiredrake
Eiredrake wrote:
TakiGaraa wrote:
I don't think it's appropriate to label someone as an idiot because their understanding of the game is far less than yours. I don't understand why some people would ignore someone just because they want to further their knowledge in the gameYes some of their questions or comments may not have been what the normal SWG player would have asked/said (for all you know they could be little kids), but i don't think it's necessary to call them idiots or ignore them. Some people need to learn patience instead of just trying to rush through situations. Some are very funny though. In the end, it's still just a game.
Yeah, a game and I'm not paying $14 a month to be a social worker or a teacher. Not my job to teach all the Leet Doods out there how to play nice, nor is it my job to socialize them. I play the game to relax, not get even more annoyed. If you're willing to put up with ignorance, be my guest. Educate the masses. As far as I'm concerned people who irritate me are only an /addignore away. I just wish I could do that in real life.
Keep the stories coming, guys, it's damned funny.
Eiredrake
I think most folks are ok with answering good-natured questions. After all, nobody can say they're familiar with all professions. What seems second-nature to one person may be completely new to someone else. Though, I think the main gripe (and the purpose of this insanely hilarious thread) is the rudeness of some people. Hey, if they're going to annoy and pester everyone, we might as well have some fun with it here
Though I have to admit after reading everything here, my smuggler's been hiding out in a basement, afraid to to even leave the house 
I'm standing at the shuttleport in Bestine, waiting for a lift to my player city on Tat. I missed it by about 6 seconds. I was buying my ticket when it decided not to wait for me. Jerk of a driver, can't he see I'm buyinga ticket? -sigh-
Just to kill time, I hit my slicing spam that I haven't hit since I nailed down Master Smuggler. Figured I'd use my 9 minutes and 40 seconds productively.
Me: Slicing Weapons and Armor!100 credits per % of increase --- so a 20% slice = 2000 credits. No charge below 15%!
Guy walks up to me in mismatched-color composite armor. He takes off his helm and I see he's a Zabrak. Now, no offense to the minority of mature Zabrak players, but you best of all know what a minority you are. Most Zabrak players are of the l33t dewd-esque variety, and punks for the most part. Everything about this guy raised red flags. He gets right up in my face:
Zabrak: ME I NEED SLICED ARMOR
Zabrak: sorry capslock I need aLL ENCUMBERANCE.
Zabrak: sorry, caps again, lololol
Me: My friend, the slice will randomly be *either* encumberance or effectiveness. I don't get to pick.
Zabrak: o kk --- He hands over 2 pieces of armor, helm and chest. He was smart enough to take off the helm prior to trade, but the trade crashed twice while he tried to figure out to remove the chest.
Me: 20% effectiveness chest, 19% encumberance helmet. That'll be 3900 please.
Zabrak: o not as good as you claimed to be
Me: huh?
Zabrak: just trade
We trade, he pays (I didn't even expect that). He walks away. He only goes about 10m away. I repeat my spam - 5 minutes to go on the shuttle. He comes back to me, stands in my face again.
Zabrak: dude what did you do to my armor?
Me: Um ... I sliced it. What was I supposed to do? Polish it for you?
Zabrak: you didn't do sh!t to this your a fraud!
I didn't even hesitate.
Me: Welcome to my ignore list. /addignore.
While I'm typing the above, he's already spammed in /yell
Zabrak: HIS SLICEING SUKS!!! HIS SLICEING SUCKS!!!
Hate to make it a racial thing 
but am I the only one who automatically cringes when he sees a random Zabrak that wants a slice? Or one named -Bizckit- ? /rolleyes
Everyone, just incase you don't know...
When you get random tells without your smuggling tag up, or if you see someone else's tag and assume something, it's a good idea to use the examine command on them And the examine is also how they can get your name
Of course, if someone who has never heard of you before and is on a totally different planet than you are, then I'm dumbfounded
I have a story, not smuggling-related, but still pretty good in my opinion. This story is about my noobness .......
A long time ago in a desert far, far away...
STAR WARS
Episode ???: AUTO ATTACK
It is a time of just having fun in the Tatooine desert,
and the trio of three adventurers, a Rodian, a Wookiee, and
a Human (me ^_^ ) are in a camp, and decide to duel. Upon
defeating the Wookiee, the Rodian, also with medical skills,
heals the Wookiee, and soon, the Human challenges this
Wookiee to a duel.
With the help of a decent weapon, and lowered health that
the Wookiee insisted on dueling on, the Noob Human defeats
the Wookiee. The Wookiee, after being healed by the Rodian,
stands up, and the Noob Human accidentally kills the Wookiee
because of auto fire that attacks the Wookiee upon standing. If the
Noob Human had known enough to end the duel after the Wookiee
was incapped, the Wookiee might not have suffered the fate of
being incapped three times in ten minutes.
The Wookiee returns, and the Noob Human apologizes.
However, the Human still senses a small Grudge Flame inside
the fuzzy beast, which can only be extinguished with the death of
this Noob Human. The Human knows the day of revenge is soon to
come, and watches his back until then. (Insert something about
restoring peace to the galaxy)....
Anyways, a few days later he got his revenge. Now we're even....well, I guess not...I still have the ability to wear armor and he doesn't, so I guess we know who wins in the end
Hey...upon writing this post, I just thought of something that could be quite humorous:
Find a noob who does not know how to get a vehicle, take out yours and show it off a little, and tell the noob that it's easy to get one, he just has to go to (insert very dangerous planet) and kill a group of (insert dangerous creatures), and tell him he has to go alone and not have any help in killing them...who knows, might believe you And give him some money to get there too.
If someone is a jerk to you, try this...and replace the vehicle with something else if you wish, like a lightsaber
lol Greatsails you have made me ashamed of my species now 
(i'm Zabrak )
I have to say this thread has been a breath of fresh air, Many of the idiotic and rude customers you have all mentioned remind me so much of the people I have had to deal with, I dunno why we put ourselves through it sometimes
Hotrodg wrote:
Guy: Your title says rogue that is pvp title
ROFLMAO
(to protect the sad, no real names will be used in this dialog)
GUY>>> Hey there friend can you slice 3 weapons for me?
ME>>> Sorry, just ran out of clamps and WUKs. Better turn my tag off
GUY>>> No one loves me anymore.
ME>>> You're prolly right.
GUY>>>
GUY>>> I defend your city when it gets raided, you're not suppose to hate on me
ME>>> Well i thank you for your efforts, but if you're so sure that no one loves you... you might be correct.
(pause... he seems to have gone away, but WAIT!)
GUY>>> i have WUKS can you make 3 clamps i'll give you the crate of WUKS
ME>>> i'm loaded up for battle and dont even have a pack on me, sorry.
Ok, its obviously too much to ask, but **edit** happened to taking NO for an answer? This is worse than my nagging ex girlfriend.
jPsDeisel
JPS
Master Smuggler
Tarquinas
I've spent the past 3 days savoring this thread, reading it slowly, off and on, because it makes me laugh so hard my roommates though i was losing it. Thing is, to this point the most annoying problem ive had is people not being even semi-proficient users of the trade window. But then, not 2 hours ago at the science outpost on Dathomir:
(Scene) I arrive with a doc friend to go kill night sisters and rifle through their robes....for loots.......Anyway, he buffs himself and then has to craft a few packs to buff me. I see maybe 5 or 6 player dots on my radar and pop my master smuggler title to alieviate the boredom. A guy walks up to me and tells me he needs his armor sliced bad, and asks if i use high quality tools.
Me: Yeah, but if you insist on me using my high quality tools, the slices are 6k apiece, no exceptions. However, if you think, as I do, thattool quality do not affectthe slice, then I only ask for what you feel like paying.
Lordbossgame (his name should have been a red flag to me): Holy cow 6k? They better be good slices!
Me: I am telling you now, they are completely random. Due to material cost, when using my absolute best tools, every single slice costs ME 5k, so i charge 6 if you insist that I use them.
(This is absolutely true due to the sick cost of high quality copper and fiberplast, and therediculous ammountof metal used in each molecular clamp)
LBG:Whatever. Please use the best ones and slice for effective
Me:Never tell me what you want it sliced for. The server gods are listening, and the server gods are mean.
LBG
k one sec.
Me:I'm here to hunt, but i'll wait.
1 minute later
Me:Lord? are you there?
2 minutes
Me:Lord? I'd realy like to get going.
2 more minutes
Me:/tell Lordbossgame: My friend here is waiting on me to slice for you, I really need to get going.
LBGk ok, here it is
(LBG trades the armor to me, and was even decent enough to bag it, although I think he actually took the time to CRAFT the bag. I begin slicing and saying out loud what the slices are. I always do this, as most of the time it draws customers. However this time it was not too helpful.)
Me:30 % encum on the chestplate
Me:36% encum on pants
Me:15% effective on the helm, grrr
(Unbeknownst to me there is a group of guys forming, all in the same guild as LBG. I cannot see them as my inventory, slicing window, and those stupid color palets that pop up every time you slice are covering my field of view)
Me:14% effective on the gloves
(This is where things start to go south)
Me:25% encum on boots
(Thinking whew, bad apples are over)
LBG:You are f***ing my sh** up!
Me:42% encumon right bracer
LBG:lol
Me:Yeah, randomness bites. Like I said, tool quality doesnt mean a thing.
Me:30% effective left bracer
Me:33% encum right shoulder
Me:32% effective left shoulder. Ok, that will be 54k
Idiotbystander1:54k for that sh** slice? what a noob
Me: Excuse me? (I worked very hard for my double master titles)
Idiotbystander2:The worst slices at the best prices.
(I go back through my explanation of my pricing system, telling them that if LBG had chosen to let me use the low quality clamps, which i even use to slice my OWN stuff with, that if he had wanted he could have given me 1k for the whole suit. not to mention i only really got 2 bad slices.)
Me:/tell LBG: I mean it, you bring me a suit and let me do it my way ill do it for free
LBG:F*** you, you destroyed my suit and overcharged me, I should report you.
Sigh /addignore
After this I went and cleaned out an entire night sister cave with just me and my friend. Quite a feat,and rather satisfying.However, when i got back to the outpost I was still feeling like chewing through the landing pads support. So i stripped down and dropped all in the saftey deposite box, hopped back on my bike, and flew straight into the nightsister stronghold, where i was promptly eaten by rancors and was renewed, clean of any possible stupidity that may have leaked onto me while in the presence of those without sense.