Smuggler Archive
Thread: A chuckle for the smuggler
ok, here goes,
bout a month ago me and this other novice were spamming for slices in cnet.
the funny thing was, i was spamming for containers (novice) and he was spamming for weps (slicing 3) .
So seeing him there, i change my spam to "Slicing locked containers, for an expert wep slice, see "player's name"
then he starts spamming "slicing weps, for all sliced containers see selak"
It was great!
we pwned cnet for 4 hours slicing stuff, and at the end, we both had the boxes we needed.
infact, no other slicer could set up shop on our corner.
we were whoring each other out so much, lol
thanks to who ever it was, i forget.
blindbob: /shout looking for master slicer! need to get some weapons sliced!
me: *checks himself to make sure master smuggler title is up then takes two steps so he is right in front of blind bob*
blindbob: /shout looking for master slicer! need to get some weapons sliced!
me: *looks around and sees 3 other assorted slicers and smugglers standing right next to blindbob*
blindbob: /shout looking for master slicer! need to get some weapons sliced!
me: *cough* i can slice them if you want...
blindbob: /shout looking for master slicer! need to get some weapons sliced!
me: i said i can slice them stupid!
blindbob: oh hello! are you a master smuggler!
me: ............
blindbob: can you slice my guns 100% success?
me: yea i use clamps they let me ahve 100% accuracy slicing
blindbob: *trades guns to me* I hope you don't fail any slices those guns are really valuable!
me: *checks gun's stats to see fwg5 with 50-100 ish damage and 3 speed* oh yea.....
blindbob: you're gonna give me my gun back right?
me: yea.
blindbob: how much do you charge?
me: 100 creds per % that goes up
blindbob: cool that sounds good.
me: ok speed is up 29%
blindbob: cool how much do i owe you?
me: 2900 credits
blindbob: i thought you said 100 credits!
me: no 100 credits per % that goes up
blindbob: no you didnt!
me: check the log
blindbob: *checks* oh ok lol
me: *trades back for credits*
blindbob: you took my gun! i dont ahve it!
me: check your inventory
blindbob: oh lol here it is. do you sell spice?
me: only on special order. did you want a free sample?
blindbob: how much for the sample?
me: its free
blindbob: no how much is the free sample?
me: /addignore blindbob
Wiccster wrote:
Funny stuff! Unfortunately no experience I've had can compare to those. But how many people have gotten requests to fix things while you've had th "Fixer" title up?
OMG, you dont even know. The only title i use is fixer because thats the only skill tree i mastered.
Random_Moron: Hi there.
Me: Hello
Random_Moron: Can you fix my weapon?
Me: No, why would you ask me?
Random_Moron: Because your title says fixer. Isnt that like a master artisan or something?
Me: Nope, sorry. Its a smuggler title. Top or the underworld tree.
Random_Moron: Oh ok, can you repair my armor?
Me: No, i cant repair anything im just a smuggler.
Random_Moron: Ooooh! So then whats the point?
Me: /ignore. /shootSelfInHead
This happened to me yesterday. I throw out my slicing spam once or twice, as I usually do when I'm at Coronet starport. I geta response from a guy, he gives me a gun. It's a DH17. I don't say anything, just proceed to slice.
I slice the DH17 for 25% damage and try to give it back. Trade window opens, I drag the gun, but no credits appear. I cancel the trade and say, "I need 2500 credits." He says ok, I need to go to the bank. I follow him, because I wanted to check the bazaar anyway. He gets his money and we make the trade.
Then he says he has another gun. He hands it over, it's a CDEF pistol. Chuckling to myself, I slice it for him, 27% damage, and give it back. He pays me.
I start to check the bazaar, and he says:
N00b: "This gun didn't change."
Me: Hm, let me see it again.
I check it out. I didn't bother looking at the stats before I sliced, so I checked out the max damage. It was 44, which I know is high for a CDEF, so the slice worked. I pulled out my calculator and did the math in reverse. The original max damage would have been 35, which sounds about right for a CDEF.
Me: Yes, the damage increased. The max damage before was 35, now it's 44. <I trade the gun back to him.>
N00b: <pauses> That's not 27%.
Me: Well, let me check the math. <Knowing that I didn't know the original number, double-check my math.>
Me: 35+35*.27=44.
I look up from my keyboard to find that he's not there. He's left me in the bankspewing out math equations like an idiot. /sigh
This happened to me last night, although its not very funny, I'm sure its all something that everyone of you can probably relate to and has run into sometime:
I had my master title up and recieve a tell from someone for a PSG slice. So I slice it and hitan encum slice, kinda useless. So he tells me to wait a few so he can go buy some for me to slice. he comes back with four of them and I get to slicing.....all encum slices. Finally on the last slice I hit a low effectivness slice. The customer was still nice enough to pay me after I refused to charge so I figured hey, why not and told him that since I took so much of his money, he's next slice is on the house. So he pulls out a krayt fwg5 and asks me to slice that....and lo and behold my streak holds up and I hit a speed slice....good thing he was good natured enough to chalk it up to a bad luck streak. I told him I'll do a few more free slices for him next time he needs some done...but I doubt he'll be back 
______________________________________________________________________________
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wiccster wrote:
Funny stuff! Unfortunately no experience I've had can compare to those. But how many people have gotten requests to fix things while you've had th "Fixer" title up?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OMG, you dont even know. The only title i use is fixer because thats the only skill tree i mastered.
Random_Moron: Hi there.
Me: Hello
Random_Moron: Can you fix my weapon?
Me: No, why would you ask me?
Random_Moron: Because your title says fixer. Isnt that like a master artisan or something?
Me: Nope, sorry. Its a smuggler title. Top or the underworld tree.
Random_Moron: Oh ok, can you repair my armor?
Me: No, i cant repair anything im just a smuggler.
Random_Moron: Ooooh! So then whats the point?
Me: /ignore. /shootSelfInHead
_____________________________________________________________________
LOL
I always wear my fixer title.... and always at least 2 times a day ask to fix things 
I just tell them that I fix situations and if they don't watch out they may have the fix put on them ;0
-Ousely Darkwave
Master Smuggler
Kauri
Back when I was going up the slicing line I only knew of a few smugglers on Flurry and often had to do a search to find slicers/smugglers to train from. I finally reached Slicing IV and searched for smugglers in Cornet. THERE WAS ONE! First time when I needed one there wasn't 15 plopped in front of the starport. I sent the guy, smithen wessen, a tell. He was about 2k out of town running harvestor runs. I said that'd be fine andI'd be more than willing to make the run out there (days before mounts even). I found smithen tending a harvestor stuck up on the trees, and I remember making a comment on how impressed I was he was able to get the harvestor up there around the trees and hills. In the following exchange I got trained in Slicing IV, had him fix 4 of my pistols (he's also a master weaponsmith and figured better him than me in any case), joined is PA (RISK of Flurry) and chatted for over an hour bout random stuff. It was only after joining RISK and getting to know a good number of them that I realized Smithen just have a thing about being surrounded by fellow smugglers, think at least half of the PA is not comprised of smugglers in one form or another.
Another funny -
Guy in my guild was wondering why he goes through his health bar so fast when he's in PvP.I noticed he had a scout blaster and knew it wasn't HAMs doing it. So we headed out of city hall to commons in front. I don'ed my new composite armor and had him challenge me to a duel. I felt like having fun the first round and hit my duel macro that accepts, low blow/panic/last ditch in one press. I was nice and took the bleeds out of the macro, but the three, plus another quick body shot put him down. I laughed as I walked up, ended duel and got him back off the ground. "that's why you go through health fast," I said hitting the second stim B to get him back up to near full health. He had Ubese armor on, and my FWG5 nailed him flat out. I explained the basics of armor to him and suggested getting something with heat resists and a PSG if he couldnt' afford composite just yet. I looked back through my combat spam, he never got a shot off. I later did the same thing to a BH in the guild who just got BH pistols IV. The first time I was being nice and he went and hit me with torso shot and gave me a good 200 wounds, while I didn't even dent his uber enhanced HAMs and composite amor. Later we went at it no armor, though I did pop a pixie at the instant the duel started, laid him on his back and last ditched him for bout 1/4-1/3 his health each hit. At that point I felt vindicated.
JTGAlpha wrote:
Ultrawolf, I think ol' blindbob was actually asking for the quantity of the free sample, as in how many doses/units. See you would have known that, but you assumed he wasn't such a cheapskate that he had to bargain shop for free samples.Cheap and stupid.
lol im sorry the conversation actually did go further where i asked him if he meant how many uses but he kept saying price. i thought the message was pretty clear at this point so i just ended it sorry for the confusion
ROFL this is some great stuff...have been laughing for the past hour at some of the stuff.
I do have one things to add...some of you say that you dont get good stuff out of containers...well thats not true...just a couple days ago i pulled a Twin Force Crystal out of a locked container that i looted off a mob...im not jedi so i doesnt serve a practical purpose for me, but it looks good on a book shelf in my house 
Keep the stories coming, have to say this is one of the best threads i've read...hats off to the fellow smugglers.
Grevin il-Vec on Chilastra 3401 Smuggler, 3223 CH, 0021 pistoleer