CUEmu - Thread Posts

KiayaWi

Thu Oct 28, 2004 8:40 am

Here's a happy one

When I slice I always tell my customers to start praying. If the first slice is bad I tell them to pray harder. Don't laugh it works!

So last night I agree to slice 10 pieces of armor for a friends friend. He hands them to me and it goes like this:

Me: Start Praying

Him: How do I do that? I tried /pray it doesn't work!

My Friend: /emote prays for him

Me: Well I guess you better worship me then

Him: /worship

Me: Chestplate Effect 22 - Pray harder

Him: /emote worships the bothan goddess

Me: Chestplate Encumb 40

Him: Nice

Him: /woship

We go through all ten pieces all of them Encumbrance except the first chestplate and the boots. They were all good slices. There was one 19% but most were in the upper 20's and 30's with I think 2 in the 40's

I was just about to slice the last piece when....

Him: Do you believe in inter species dating...because I think I love you.

Me: Right bracer encum 32 - why yes I do I'm actually engaged to a Doshan

Message Edited by KiayaWi on 10-28-2004 09:40 AM

Oakai "Shorty" I'Lar - Kyroki "Shorter" I'Lar - The Other Sister - Missing in Action Good Luck Bear

WayneInAustin

Thu Oct 28, 2004 11:05 am

#1328

KiayaWi wrote:

Here's a happy one

.......

I was just about to slice the last piece when....

Him: Do you believe in inter species dating...because I think I love you.

Me: Right bracer encum 32 - why yes I do I'm actually engaged to a Doshan

LOL. I think I've been told by my customers that they Love me three times in my 10 months of slicing. I thought I was going to get number #4 last night when I got two 33% damage slices on a set of 10 VKs, but no such luck. She was appreciative and very happy, but no "I Love You".

____________________________________________
Way'ev-Da on Eclipse
Came to life in Restuss, on Rori, 07/03/2003
Master Rifleman 10/18/2003 - present
Master Smuggler 1/25/2004 - 11/05/2004
Dancer buffs + Muon + Musician Buffs + Vasarian Brandy = Sex, Drugs, Rock&Roll, and Alcohol(Man, I love this job!)

KiayaWi

Thu Oct 28, 2004 11:56 am

#1329

The Doshan I'm engaged to is a weaponsmith.

He finally got all the pieces together to make his Scythe. He came to see me and Bam! 34% damage. He was so happy he kissed me! That was our first kiss...now we're engaged

Oakai "Shorty" I'Lar - Kyroki "Shorter" I'Lar - The Other Sister - Missing in Action Good Luck Bear

01201986

Thu Oct 28, 2004 8:42 pm

#1330

haha these are great. Mine is not about slicing, but I thought it was pretty funny at the time.

I'm sitting in cnet with my Rogue title up, talking on guild chat. Out of the blue I get a tell that says "ooo ooo ooo, I need a stat migration!" needless to say I started laughing.

____________________________________________
Allanon Ordo - Cancelled
In memory of OoC, the greatest guild ever...
Halls of Crevasse - Keren, Naboo 3604, 3403
/salute Wanderhome - xfire: allanon186

Tripp85

Fri Oct 29, 2004 8:29 am

#1331

Ok I have a story but first a bit of backround.

Smuggler is the first profession I mastered I gave it up for a little while but after a few weeks I couldn't handle it I just loved being a smuggler. Under usual conditions I reserve my skills for my guildies, but on occasion I get froggy and feel like slicing. I'm usually good about it and occasionally I'll do it for free. On this occasion 2 of my guildies and I were in the mining outpost 1 was a Master Doctor and the other one was spamming for him to buff people. I sat down next to them and started spamming. Master Smuggler tag and all. No one came to me or telled me or anything. This is highly unusual as with any Smuggler if you have your tag on you are in Tell Hell anywhere you go.

This guy is in my buddies buff line and well here goes.

Idiot: Slaps you

Me: wth

Idiot: Can you slice some stuff for me?

Me: (Being my usual nice self) Sure, what u need sliced?

Idiot: Slaps guildie spamming

Me to Guildie: What is this dudes deal? he wants me to slice his stuff what do you think?

Guildie: No don't he's being a jerk.

At this time it's his turn in the buff line and our Master Doctor refuses to buff him evidently there was some bad blood from a previous encounter with this same person.

He walks over to me after being refused in the buff line and again asks me to slice his stuff. (I can't believe that this guy couldn't see that we all had the same guild tag)

Me: I'm sorry I cant help you

Idiot: Why not?

Me: You slapped and are being rude to my fellow guild mates. I'm sorry but I can't help u.

Idiot: Dude I was just kidding around.

Me: I'm sorry, Have a nice day.

This continues with a bunch of obesenities and continuous begging for our services.

finally after about 15 min I'm forced to /addignore

Where do these people come from?

You be rude to me and my friends when I don't know you from adam and expect me to do something for you? Right.

To say the least after that little fiasco I started spamming "Get your weapons, armor, and containers Sliced FREE!!!"

Viinn Asre

Master Smuggler

Aspiring Jedi

Colonel

BaR (Bad arse Rebs)

Gorath

Message Edited by Tripp85 on 10-29-2004 09:34 AM

Viinn Asre
Jedi Elder/Imperial Irritator
Marcus' Asre
Commando
Currtis Asre
Architect/Shipwright
Co-Leader Damage Incorporated (DMG-I)

JTGAlpha

Fri Oct 29, 2004 1:13 pm

#1332

And incidentally, 100 credits per percent started a couple of months after launch.

Dayasi Vo'Boda CEO of SCUM PA.
Founders of Agrilatia in the Agrilat Swamps Of Corellia (Intrepid).
Taking Scum and Villainy to a new Level to Serve YOU.
Remember: SCUM does it dirtyAnother Horseman of the Smuggling Apocolypse

LaughingWolf

Fri Oct 29, 2004 1:54 pm

#1333

The "I say I was a Master Smuggler yet do not seem to know how slicing work at all" thing seem to be a trend. "chuckles"

LaffyWolf'ya - Master Smuggler / Master Pistoleer / Rebel Colonel
Fresh out of witty signatures, sorry.

NashAdiras

Sat Oct 30, 2004 12:20 am

#1334

Last night..

Idiot: Dude are you slicing?

Me: Sure.

Idiot trades me 5 power hammers to slice.

I slice them, give them his results.

Me: Comes to 21k.

Idiot tries to send his friend a tell, but he /r'd instead of /t'd, so I got it. "He just charged me 200c per %"

Me: That's my price. 200c per % sliced.

Idiot: All smugglers slice for 100c per %! It's been like that since launch!

Me: Not all smugglers charge 100c. Some charge more. Some charge as much as the buffer's buffing.

Idiot: You didn't even slice good!

Me: Sorry, it's random.

We trade, he pays me.

Idiot: You're supposed to tell me what your prices are!

Me: If you asked, I would have.

Idiot: Stop your false advertising. You slice sh-tty and your prices are too high!

Me: Like I said before, it's random.

Idiot: I know, I used to be a master smuggler.

Me: ...Then how are you accusing me of slicing sh-tty when you know that slices are based on a random system?

Idiot: You charge too much.

/addignore

--

SOE: Commander Julio, execute Order 66.

Julio: It will be done, my lord.

Order 66: The Extermination of the SWG Vets

VarianAcies

Sat Oct 30, 2004 5:10 am

#1335

Sweet god in heaven, I got a story for you all.

So, I just get back from getting Pilot 2-3-2-2 and am preparing to go out again, got maybe an hour before the server comes down tonight. Lo' and behold, my Master Smuggler title is up (I swore my pistoleer mastery one was) and this is the dialouge that follows:

Guy: hey, u can slice right??

Me: Huh? What gave you that idea (Again, still thinking Pistoleer title was up)?

Guy: ur a master smugglr (yes, spelled as per him), i see it!

Me: I am a Master Smuggler but... (checks title), and my title is up. Alright, I can slice real quick. What you need?

Guy wants to trade with you

Me: I charge 10k per slice usually, that ok?

Guy: r0k (Yeah, he said that)

Me: Is that.... good?

Guy: yes

Me opens trade window

Guy puts in a pistol and a damage pup

Me: You know that power ups cannot be applied to slices anymore.

Guy: no, but u can slice it right?

Me, confused and a little peeved at the title thing: No, I cannot slice pups.

Guy: not pup newb. gun.

Me, getting warmer: Yes. Me slice gun. Me slice gun you go.

Guy: god (good?) use pup to make it good.

Me: I can't do that man. Dev's made it impossible to use pups on slicing. What's more, it is a cheat apparently.

Guy: @@@% newb do pup with slie!1 (Again, verbatim)

Me: Listen, can you knock the l33t speak off, it is getting annoying.

Guy: wut?

Me: Nevermind, point is the pup is useless in slicing.

Guy: &*## newb do pup with slie!1 (I am assuming he controled and upkeyed to repeat himself)

Me, annoyed now: Fine, applying pup.

Me applies pup

Me, still annoyed: Slicing now

Me, grinning evilly: Red or Blue?

Guy (obviously knowing what this is): dik &&^^ newb, u suk dik $#^% btch!

Me, shocked and now enjoying myself: God, take a pill man, I am joking. Some people.

Guy: fuk u

Me: Offering?

Me slices gun for 16% speed, and yes, there is a god and he smiles on me.

Guy: ur a #^&/

Guy: ur a FA G?

Me: Why you asking, you crusing for some @$$?

Me winks at guy.

Me: Speed up 16%

Guy: w ui suk damit!!!!!! (<---yes, SIX (count'em, six) exclaimation points)

Me wants to trade with guy.

Guy opens trade window.

Me puts gun in window.

Me, feeling saucy: 10k please sir, a may I compliment your tailor on the outfit they put together for you. Why I could just eat you up you are so cute.

Guy puts 10k in window

We trade.

Guy: FA G!!11

Guy walks off, then says (now the conversation goes to say and not tells): u hav my pup.

Me, showing the roommates this and cackling, in say: Okay short bus, you told me to use the power up. I did.

Guy: u lier! u stole my pup give back!

Person nearby: rofl

Me: I swear to you I do not have your pup, it was used in the slice nimrod!

Guy: #^$$ u!1

Guy walks off

Me: Only if you swallow...

Me grins

Me, in shout (before he gets too far away): WTA: One damage powerup! Email only please!

The guy manages to get in one last fuk u!! before he is ignored. Honestly, this is the first time I have found someone this damned dense. Most of my clientelle' have been bar none exceptionally straight shooters and good folk. Still, I delight in recounting the story of guy and his exersize in futility to you all.

I think I need to print these screenshots and post them on my wall. Priceless!

~Varian, Master Smuggler/MasterPistoleer~

~Bria~

Datink_Nieleft

Sat Oct 30, 2004 6:17 am

#1336

Bwahahahah...that was great!

Hey..pm me the guys name...I'd rather not deal with his kind and nothing hurts from a little pre-emptive /ignore

GostNDajtink
Original Smuggler
My bowels are loose and I'm a little gamey Want some toast?

LaughingWolf

Sat Oct 30, 2004 8:07 am

#1337

Varian, that's priceless. *chuckles*

LaffyWolf'ya - Master Smuggler / Master Pistoleer / Rebel Colonel
Fresh out of witty signatures, sorry.

Hostel_Bant

Sat Oct 30, 2004 9:06 am

#1338

Jesus...

I just made master smuggler a few weeks ago and this is the first time I have been to this thread. THis is some good stuff. I haven't had anything happen to me along the lines that some of you have, but I have had some dumb people come across my path. Looking at some of these stories, makes me wish Darwin's Law would take care of more than a few of these idiots.

Hostel Bant
Master Smuggler-Master Rifleman-Master Rebel Pilot
Master Politician
Membership Officer of True Fellowship

(Also too lazy to change his old ass sig)

OdiousEncounter

Sat Oct 30, 2004 9:47 pm

#1339

mengedej wrote:

This happened to me at the first day of Master Smuggler. This was pretty much my first customer, (guildies excepted). After 3 minutes healing som BF in the cantina - I get a tell.

Customer: Hey, can you slice something for me?

Me: Surely, it's 3k per slice (knowing from reading this thread not to discuss prices later)

Customer: Where are you?

Me: Theed Cantina

Customer: omw

Me: (Thinking) wow, this starts really great, not more than three minutes and already a customer.

Customer walks into the cantina dressed in a mishmash of clothing and with a Novice Artisan title.

Me: (Thinking) oo.. I hope this becomes a funny story so I can post it on the forum... And no longer is he a customer, he is a potential newbie. The odds are getting better.

Potential newbie finds me /greet /tip 30k to me and Opens a trade window.

Potential newbie drops in a backpack with a "0" on it, he Accepts and does nothing more.

Me: Dude, I cant slice backpacks, only weapons and armor. Who told you to slice a backpack.. etc. etc.

I cancel the trade.

Me: (Thinking) hehe.. this starts out pretty well, I feel a good story coming my way! 30k for that backpack.. rich brat or just a 0 too many? And added bonus as well, no longer is he a potential newbie - hes a noob for sure.

Surely noob: The weapons are inside the backpack

Me: (Thinking) Eeh, Is it getting cold in here or is it just me? Ah, probably something in the air...

Surely noob wants to trade me again, so we bring up the trade window. He drops the same backpack in. Still a "0" on it.

Me: The backpack says "0" you probably forgot to put the weapons in. (Thinking) jeez...

I cancel the trade

Surely noob: I.. Nevermind, just accept the trade and have a look inside the back pack. Please. (Afterwards, I kind of admire him for being so cool about it)

Me: sure (Thinking) whatever...

We trade again, he gives me the same backpack, still a "0" on it.

I accept the trade. And have already started to think of appropriate lines to use in my reply.

I open the back pack.

My jaw drops to the floor - It's a ton of weapons in there.

Complete fool (Me): (thinking) what tha f..k, I just made a complete id..t of myself

Surely NOT as nooby as the complete fool -noob: so?

Complete fool (Me): sorry, haven't actually traded backpacks before, just recently got my title.

Very understanding and forgiving customer: happens to everyone.. just slice them now will you?

Complete fool (Me): lol, this one's on me

Complete fool (Me): /tip 30k back to the highly appretiated customer

Complete fool (Me): (thinking) I guess it became a story after all. Sort of.

Reflection:

Don't assume you know it all, throw a couple of bugs in and you're pretty sure to loose your face at some point.

These are facts of on-line gaming:

1) Sometimes noobs are not noobs

2) Sometimes not noobs are noobs

3) Your not likley to tell who's who until it has gone to far...

Ah, I remember when I got my first backpack of stuff to slice. Fortunately I wasn't in an arguing mood and I thought there might be a bug, so I decided to take it. Much to my suprise, it wasn't empty, and I didn't have to look like an idiot! Yay.

----------Auriga Starlighter----------

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Thread: A chuckle for the smuggler