All Archive
Thread: A chuckle for the smuggler
lol, what Cisto said!! These are great! This is so much better than people crying nerf this and redesign that. 
I'm also a creature handler and I sell pets. The other night I was about to log when the following occured.
randomguy shouts, Anoyone want a data disk?
I tell him, I do (I had 1/4 and 3/4 rebel already)
randomguy tells me, how much? (I think hmm, take a chance)
I tell him, 5k (a girl has to try!)
randomguy tells me, uh, other guys are paying 15k for them
Now I had just come back from Endor where I had tamed several gurreck babies so I had 5 in my datapad
I tell him, I'll give you a gurreck (baby) for it
randomguy tells me, what's that? (gasp)
I tell him, one of the top creature handler pets, I sell them for 15k
randomguy tells me, prove it
I tell him, prove what?
randomguy tells me, prove it's one of the best
I tell him, look I don't have time to explain gurrecks to you, if you don't know about them just forget it
randomguy tells you ok, deal
/randomguy tells you let me see it
So I call the untrained gurreck (baby)
randomguy tells me, cool
and initiates a trade
I tell randomguy, you know these aren't nonCH pets, right?
randomguy tells me, oh uh that's ok, I'll be CH soon
I almost felt bad, for about a second. But he could sell it to a real CH if he wants to or he can hold it until 4/4/0/4 when he can use it, I don't really care.
Aden_Nak wrote:
I considered explaining to him that you don't make any XP off of the /dance emote. . . but I decided I had better things to do, like go chew on some glass or pee on an electric socket.
LOL!!! Oh man I thought I was going to fall out of my chair I was laughing so hard at that one!
Here's my latest:
Me: <same old slicing weapons for 1500cr spam I've been using for 3 weeks>
Person-I've-Never-Seen-Before: "glad i didn't have you slice MY weapon!"
Me: "Um, why is that?"
Person: "Last night you told me it was 2k to slice my weapon"
Me: "Sorry that couldn't have been me I didn't even play this game last night"
Person: "You liar! I talked to you the whole night about weapons! You were on! You tried to charge me 2k!"
Me: "I've been charging 1500 for the past 3 weeks and haven't changed it a single time for anyone"
Person: "Admit it! You tried to get an extra 500 out of me!"
Me: "Sorry, I've really never seen you before, and I wasn't on yesterday"
Person: "Just wait until I see you in school tomorrow! I'm gonna kick your $#&" (Remember folks, not only is this summer vacation, but I graduated 3 years ago!)
/addignore Person
This has happened more than a few times...I'm sure you've all been there...
Me: WEAPON SLICING! 100 cr for each point I increase! /tell Shaky! (standard spam)
Dweeb: Hey...slice my rifle!
Me: Sure..I charge 100cr for each point I increase...OK?
Dweeb: OK <trade window, I take DLT20>
Me: OK, 26% to speed. 2600 cr please <open trade window>
<100 cr appears in trade window>
Me: Um...sorry. My fee is 2600 cr for a 26% slice.
Dweeb: You said 100cr!
Helpful bystander: No...he said 100cr per POINT, idiot.
Dweeb: I won't pay that...gimme my gun!
Me: My fee is 2600 cr.
Dweeb: No..its not worth that. Can I have my gun?
Me: OK...then its simple. 2600 cr or no gun.
Dweeb: You're stealing my gun!
Me: No, I'll hold onto it until you pay me 2600 cr.
/tell from Helpful: Man...this guy is a moron, isn't he? I'll give you 10k for that rifle if it has decent stats.
/reply: nah..lemme work this out...gotta rep to protect.
/tell: OK, no prob. Let me know if he tries to report you, I'll vouch for ya.
Dweeb: Where's my gun?
Me: About to be sold, actually.
Dweeb: /tip 3000 credits
Me: Well..not only are you ignorant, but seems you're an idiot too. You're far too trusting.
Dweeb: What?
<open trade window, return weapon>
Me: Next time, you really should pay in the trade window when the weapon is returned.
Dweeb: Oh..OK. Can you slice my pistol?
Helpful bystander: Falls over laughing.
.Scene: Me leaving Space port in Novice Artisan clothes with CDEF pistol in hand and Novice Artisan title. As a master marksman comes toward me.
Him: (Slaps me) "I challange you to a duel". Yup for real.
Me: "Ok", as I switch to a nicely sliced FWG5, pull on my duster, switch to black boots and pants, call forth Tig (a Wrix) and Twiggy (a pre-nerf probot), and accept duel.
Him: "Hey your not a noob."
Me: "Nope."
Scene: Me standing over incapped body.
Me: "That was a silly thing to do now wasn't it."
Scene: Walk away with out DBing I'm not totaly evil.
Most fun I've had PvPing
i find myself not wanting to slice for this reason, too man ignorant annoyhing people to deal with. (this is one big reason why ive been stuck on slicing II for the past week) If I have a inkling that you dont know the following facts about slicing:
-You can't choose attack speed or attack range increases
-Increase % can range from about 15% to 30%, little higher for master smuggler. and % are completely random
-Some locked containers contain nothing
-most locked containers contain crap (clothes, 1 resource, or broken stuff)
-Once a slice is failed, the item weapon/armor/container can not be sliced again
I will not deal with you, especially guys that expect me to open their containers for free, waste a molecular clamp, 2 charges on my knife and whine about there being nothing in their container.
I dont really have any funny stories but I can tell you this:
I'm a smuggler/dancer(note: guy) with novice smuggler as my title, and every time I see a smuggler I dont already know in a cantina, the same thing almost always happens:
"Why the @#$% are you dancing? YOURE A SMUGGLER! SLICE SOMETHING!"
Somehow, I find it funny that they arent able to wrap around thier heads that Smugglers can, and in my case, will dance. Besides, you have any idea howmany offers I get sitting in a cantina all day politely asking if anyone needs slicing done with thier mind healing? A bit more than when I spam at the bank.
Also, everyone seems to know about slicing, except for the off times I fail. Most are in shock that thier weapon still exists.
reminds me of a real idiot I had to deal with a whlie ago
I had the novice smuggler title above my head and wasn't really pushing the slice spam.
But I got this tell of this guy asking if I could slice containers.
me: yeah i can slice containers
guy: what do you charge?
Me: nothing
guy: ok cool
*I slice the container using a molecular clamp, (I was at slice II but i could use the exp) and the container turns up empty*
Me: yeah i got it open but its empty
guy: **edit** its empty!!!
me: yeah a lot of containers turn up empty
guy: yeah right you stole it from me, ive heard locked containers have good stuff in them.
*I just notice the guy has the noob marksman garb on as I curse out loud*
me: containers rarely have anything good in them and are sometimes empty
guy: youre lying
me: I have no reason to lie to you
guy: so your telling me that the containers turn up empty sometimes
me: yeah so you want your container back?
*guy runs off to do some random noob bs*
*i think to myself cool another container to decorate my house*
*five mintues later the guy sends a tell saying*
guy: youre sure that it was empty and your didn't steal from me?
*addignore*
Greetings all,
Heres one of the more memorable things that has happened to me.
I'm sitting in the corner of the cantina on Theed and a guy with "Novice Marksmen" walks in spots my "Slicer" title and asks if I can slice his Carbine. I roleplay allot but the short version is I say "Sure I charge 3k for a 100% success rate slice, 1500 for a 75% and 500 for a 50%". I like to give my clients options. And low and behold he promptly asks me extactly what slicing is what the %'s are etc etc. Eventually he decides to do it. While he was deciding I had sliced 4 other guns and a suit of armor. So he'd seen what kind of results I was getting. So he hands me a CDEF Carbine. I am like you sure you want to spend 3k slicing a CDEF weapon and he says yeah that its a awesome rifle he had made. Hey I am a little attached to my FWG5 so I say fine (didn't have the heart to burst the little guys bubble). I slice the gun for a 28% damage range increase. Hand it back and tell him the results and he pays up. 2 minutes later he runs back in starts getting abusive and saying that I had done a lousy slice job (insert randomly incorrectly spelled swear words) and challenges me to a duel. First thaught is that I am being had and some carbine specialist or bounty hunter is just looking for a smuggler scalp. By this stage the cantina crowd were encouraging me to kill him and be done with it. So not to loose face I accept and incappacitate him in under 5 seconds. I tell him to calm down before I really hurt him. I end duel. He gets up challenges me again. Just to shut him up I accept and deathblow him this time. All is quiet ... until he walks in with heaps of wounds (Obviously wasn't cloned there) and first thing he does is challenge me. I kill him again. This then proceeds to go on and on for nearly 2 hours. Near the end his HAM bars were so black it was hard to pick out the colors. I would have left but the entertainers were laughing so hard at the show and the crowd I was drawing (/shout Come see the village idiot at the cantina or /shout Dinner and a show now at the catina et etc ... we had a chef start handing out bofa treats) eventually he doesn't come back .. oh well just another day in the life of a smuggler.
Lithrac Dheno
Smuggler
Valcyn
Wow, how come everyone else gets the retards? Why can't there be entertaining, stupid people on Flurry?
*sigh*
WaerbGloofin wrote:
Great stuff! Hears another one:
I'm trying to get into town when a group of aggro Valarian scouts pop upall around me. I'm not wearing armor or anything, put managed to pop a pixie then proceeded to pile the corpses. I stroll into town and someone comes up and asks about spice.
"Are the side effects really bad?"
Naturally the next thing you see is "You Puke."
ROTFL
Thank you all, im really sorry i dont have any good storys to tell, but i really appreciate the laughs you've given me.
Jord Peraw
Lowca
Still a novice smuggler but im having fun