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Thread: A chuckle for the smuggler
rotflmao
Great stories my colleagues 
I've got so many to tell i can't even get them all straight but here's a little one.
*scene* About a month ago i got into Dathomir with a big group of friends to do some hunting and finish grinding out the last of the pistol XP for master. Had the "slicer" tag turned off cuz i knew i'd get stuck there for hours before i could actually go out and get the XP.
/me (to my friends in groupchat) wow, glad ive got the title turned off, i would never get this done.
/sexy dancer girl friend yeah you never come around enough, too much slicing 
/me tell me about it, can get crazy
/her /shout Khyron is a SLICER and will slice everything you want done CHEAP!! send him a /tell right now!!
/me OMFG
/me Burst run out of the outpost into the wilds, quickly get shot down by mobs
/me clone back to the outpost, don't get back out for 1.5 hours
just about killed her 
Khyron Vradekh -- Master Smuggler
(will try to think up a few more, but just overload when i even think about it.)
Ah yes...the Smuggler Deities must be truly amused watching us mere smuggler mortalstry and eke a living out here. Stories are ALL great...my personal fav was the spice question followed by puking. I've got a few amusing tales, not necessarily funny, but amusing.
First one, I'm running around the wild of Rori and I happen across a fellow Rebel who just seems to be firing at anything that cons white, yellow or red, and I note that he has the title Novice Doctor. So I think to myself, ok he must be just trying to get some organics or whatever. Anyways, this fool fires at a rockmite nest and like 7 of 'em aggo him, so I figure I'll help him out and I use suppression fire and warning shot to stop/scare a few of 'em. He gets incapped, I run near him and heal him with a Stim-A, he gets up with like 200ish health and starts firing again. I get incapped, and send him a /tell "heal me and i'll help you more". well this jerk keeps running around firing wildly, and i send him the /tell again. No response. he gets incapped and drops. then he sends me a tell..."can you slice weapons?"
if only you could slap people while incapped.....
Second story - just thought people might find this one interesting...well, there I was a Novice Smuggler, working my way up the slicing tree, trying to get to slicing II so I can finally do weapons. Well, I was hanging around asking for containers (unless there was a fellow smuggler trying to lvl to slice 1, in which case I directed ppl to him). I'm like 1000xp away from getting slice 2, so I spam /yell Slicing containers for free! You keep everything inside! I'll pay 10,000c if I fail! Naturally, that draws some attention...but I had clamps so I knew I wasn't gonna haveta pay out. Anyways, this kind fellow walks up to me and /tells me I've got a container. So we go through it all, trade, and I get the container and slice it. Inside is a shirt and another container- BONUS! So I slice that one...inside that one is a CDEF pistol and...Holy Crap...another container! I slice that one, and inside this container is a treasure map and....ANOTHER CONTAINER! I figure I musta been good in my past life to get 4 containers out of one! And inside that last container was a broken something-or-other. Go figure. Well, I tipped that fella 2000c and naturally gave him all the stuff inside. Just thought i'd share that interesting experience with my fellow colleagues.
-Kyp Emique ~Smuggler and Jack-of-All-Trades-Except-Entertainer
WOW zero you definatley have the record for containers inside of containers!
by the way did anyone else notice that after you took the containers out of each other it wouldn't let you put them back in to each other (back when we could put things into the containers that is) just an interesting question of how in the wide galaxy did they fit the dang things into each other if they are and i qute "to bulky to fit into that container" after they have been removed from it?
I was slicing a set of composite for a customer whom I had never dealt with before. Some unfamiliar customers will generally hand me 1-2 pieces at a time and pay me for each, this fella handed me a whole set plus my fee. I had sliced all but two pieces (great slices too I might add) when I ran out of knives. I explained to him that I needed to run to the bank to grab some copper to make more and handed the sliced items back. He canceled the trade and said no problem. As I am running to the bank (from the Coronet starport), game freezes and I am crashed to desktop. Well, it now takes me a great number of minutes to reboot and log back on. Luckily he had not started spamming about how I had stolen his armor plus the slice fee before I managed to get back in game. Could not have happened at a worse time....
A guy asked if I could slice his weapons for him and I told him I had run out of WUK's and Clamps. He asked how long it would take for me to get more and I told him it might take 30 mins to get more WUK's and I had more clamps at home, which is about a 10 min walk from Theed Starport. He told me he would wait so I asked my Weaponsmith friend if he could make some WUK's for me. About 45mins later I finally have the WUK's and the guy is still waiting. So finally we make the trip to my place.
At this point it's been about an hour since he asked me in the first place. We get to my place and he hands me four very nice weapons and 20k (well over my usual fee). I slice the first weapon, 27% Speed increase, start to slice the second weapon and "CONNECTION TO SWG LOST"..OMG..I immediately try to re-connect and after about 15 minutes I finally manage to log on. I then realize I am back at Theed Starport, and the guy is standing beside me logging in as well. Turns out the server rolled back, he had his weapons and his money back in his possession.
It's now about 4am, we're both dead tired and decide it's not worth the trip back to my place. However he hands me the weapons again and tells me that I seem trustworthy and that he'll pick them up the next day.
I sliced the weapons the next day and delivered them to him at the Starport and he paid me 20k. One of the most aggravating, but rewarding slicing jobs I have ever done. It was refreshing to meet a player who is as easy going and fun as that guy. Wish there were more of his kind out there.
Wow... These are hilarious. I have one that isn't related to smuggling... Its from my Pistoleering days.
RandomGuy: hey man u want the best pistol in the game?
Me: What are the stats?
RandomGuy: its the best pistol in the game. i looted it off a corpse
Me: What are the stats? Speed. Damage. HAM costs.
RandomGuy: its a scatter pistol
Me: Thats a bounty hunter pistol.
RandomGuy: its the best pistol in the game
Me: I am not a bounty hunter.
RandomGuy: u want it or not!? ITS THE BEST PISTOL IN THE GAME
RandomGuy: well?
Me: AFK auto-response: I am now away from the keyboard
I have a story to tell:
couple weeks ago i was in coronet's med center healing up with some friends. One of the medics says, hey we're forming a hunting party on dantooine in a couple hours, you're welcome to join us. Hungry for xp, we all said sure!
Hours later we meet at starport and it's actually a PA hunt group. and the "Squad Leader" immedietaly lays down the rules:
To you non-PA people:
PA members get priority over looting of corpses and resources; PA medics and doctors must heal all other PA members first before assisting the non-pa members with heals.
At this point, me, and my two friends are getting a little upset here. we were invited and we get treated like this? oh well. let's just hunt.
so we all get our missions from the terminal and we head out. all 20+ pa people and 3 of us non-pa people. We pass a waypoint for my mission and i holler out to stop and do mine since it's 50m away. the squad leader then says, "Non-PA member missions are last, no offense"
At which point I whip out my "slicer" title (i was on novice pistoleer)and wait for the group to start asking me to slice their stuff. Sure enough, 2 mintues later, i start to get /tells, "Can you slice my weapon?", "Can you slice this?", etc, etc.
I start to respond to all /tells, "Sorry I'm not a PA-member, No offense". Then i /shout to the squad leader, Hey mr. squad leader, get your members in line, they're asking me to slice their stuff, but i'm not a PA member, so I'm not allowed. No Offense".
He was not happy.
I got /disbanded with a smile.
Okay, foregoing the all too prevalant Smuggler/Pistoleer i decided to go with Smuggler/Master Dancer. And with the settitle currently being broken, my title automatically defaults to Novice Dancer, i usually forget to set it to No Title (for RP purposes)....
So here i am on some remote planet (forget which one) in the wee hours of the morning when i see this...
Guy: /shout Can anyone slice my weapon?
I ignore it 'cause i usually don't slice random weapons, having a pretty good customer base (my PA and their friends) and not needing the money... However he repeats the /shout about five times beforei realize that no other slicers are near.
Me: I can slice it for ya.
Guy: good where are you?
Me: At the Bazaar.
The guy shows up,
Guy: You can slice my weapon?
Me: Yup.
Guy: But U A daner!!!11!!
Me: No i'm a danCer but i'm a slicer too.
Guy: You can slice my weapon?
Me: (irritated) Yup!
Guy: How much?
Me: it's donation (that's just how i do it, save the flames for other posts. )
Guy: but u a dancer!!!
At this moment a nother guy comes to the bazaar and starts with his slicer spam
Slicer: /shout Slicing weapons at the bazaar 13k each!
Me: Yes i can slice your weapon, i'm kinda in a hurry do you want it sliced?
Guy: u a dancer!
Me: you can always go to (slicer) he's not a dancer!!!!
Guy: Trade.
ROFL, I love these storys keep em coming! 
My story is not as good but at the time made me laugh. I was killing valarians near a city when it was time for my pixie to run out. I was experimenting with CHing at time so i decited to pass the downer time by taming a creature for a little xp.
I go out and find a baby nuna that i decide to tame. Nearby the is a camp of peaple. My downer hits right as i start taming the Nuna, this was what it was like.
me: Its ok dont be scared.
You puke.
me: dont bite
You puke.
me: I wont hurt you.
You puke
so forth and so on.
I then recive a tell from one of the members of the camp asking why I was puking on the poor Nuna.The timeing of the puke could not have been better. 
I just had another slicing customer that reminded me that most players are complete idiots when it comes to slicing.
cust: /shout I need a weapone silced
me: /tell what do you need sliced?
cust: a cdef pistol
me: you sure you want that sliced?
cust: yeah its for a newb friend, and i just want to see the stats
(i think to myself, "you need the exp more than anything, justslice the stupid gun")
me: I charge 100 credits per % improvement
cust: 100cred?
me: no 100 credits per percentage improvement
cust: nevermind
(idiot thanks for wasting my time)
I love these stories, they're so great. I'm happy I finally got a decent story to tell...
Me - Slicing spam at a shuttle port
Guy - "Can you slice my gun 100% in damage?"
Me - "Sorry, that's not possible. It's random in damage" blah blah blah.
Guy - "I know a guy who can slice 100% in damage."
Me (it had been a long day, I didn't want to deal with him anymore) - Good deal. Go to him then, I don't really want to slice anymore.
Guy - (challenges you to a duel)
Me - Ugh...
Luckily at this point the shuttle arrived and I could leave... I've been playing since Day 2 and I still haven't won a duel.
Anyway, these stories rock.
It would seem most of your stories center around slicing. It astounds me how complicated the transaction for a slice can be, and how uneducated the customer is.
Cust: How much do you charge for a slice?
Me: I charge 100 cred/%
Cust: I'll take 20% then for 2000.
It will take time to educate the customer base, but it will be worth it in the end. My "pusher" contacted me last night wondering how to get a vendor. I said that he needed a house and at least Business III in the Artisan tree. I would have put this guy on ignore, but he's a constant source of laughs.
Once he get's his house up. I get a query of how do I find furniture? I say either the bazaar, or a furniture vendor. Thirty minutes later, he wants to know how to find a TV. I don't know how much longer I can take it.