Teras Kasi Archive
Thread: Fallen Monk
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RunemonIV
Sat Feb 21, 2004 4:19 pm
#15
Tal-N wrote:
If you put anything up publically you should expect critique, you should at least be grateful that I gave you constructive critisism rather than saying it sucks and let you never learn from your mistakes. Stop rubbing your brusied ego fora second and try to realise I'm attempting to help you become better at something you enjoy doing. If you can't see that theres a difference between critisism designed to encourage people and critisism designed to berate them you're going to struggle in life.
Message Edited by Tal-N on 02-21-2004 05:41 PM
this coming from mr run on sentences himself right? I will finish it because i want to not because i feel like i should better myself under your direction. How many things have you contributed to this forum Tal N?
KraytDragonMan
Sat Feb 21, 2004 4:20 pm
#16
Personally I really like that line...
Tal-N wrote:
"The Kaadu were not singing, the insects stopped chirping, and the sound of repulser-lift thrusters begining to thunder as the sound descended from above." Kaddu don't exactly the sing, the insects might sound like a chorus of chirping however. You need to dwell a little more on that unnatural silence before the sound of repulsor-lifts can be heard in my opinion. Give it a bit more of a significant edge.
Tal-N
Sat Feb 21, 2004 5:35 pm
#17
Seems you guys are so easily pleased, maybe I should stop by the book shop on the way home for someDr Seuss paperbacks if thats the kind of thing you like.
Ozosc
Sat Feb 21, 2004 7:22 pm
#18
Tal,
no offense, but, if you don't like the story and have not been asked for your two cents why not just let it be?
no offense, but, if you don't like the story and have not been asked for your two cents why not just let it be?
RunemonIV
Sat Feb 21, 2004 9:23 pm
#20
and what is really funny is that he is just another tka hater and not one himself... coming in here to troll..
Genesis pt 2 will be written tonight.. these stories will be short just to sum up a 300 year lifespan of my tkm/master brawler/master fencer
RunemonIV
Sat Feb 21, 2004 10:21 pm
#21
Genesis Pt 2
The Journey to Yavin 6th moon, one of 4 that support life, was uneventful. The Black Guard masters were eager to take in the crimison eyed zabrak. Greegan eased his mind into accepting the initial teachings on the planet's forested surface and the temple where he studied was a work of fantasitical art.
The first Years were the worst. Greegan was normally not a violent person, more resolved to settling situations without force and the ShalTong teachings left thier mark on his innocent soul. More often than not he Meditated and thought of his master Kawon's teaching and the Order of the Silver Fists. Greegan Madeno friends and soon whispers of his weakresolve were common spread among the younger peers.
Grandmaster Epsilor, a small human male was the temple's chief instructor. He wore black robes with the red fist emblazoned on the tabards. His manner was that of utter agression and many have seen what happened with students that met his ill favor. His attention was turned upon Greegan more than once and he silently contemplated simply killing the young initiate. This was a political decision by both houses of the old order. Quan Chi, himself and Kawon the last of the Bandu Initiates. Unite the schools....
Epsilor had a prized student named Jaqua Krynn. Jaqua mastered his teachings with vigor unrivaled in all the temples that the elder had seen. Jaqua a silvered haired corellian with jade eyes thatcould stare down a rancor. He cared little for Greegan and knew of the younger man's previous teachings directly from Epsilor. Within Jaqua's heart was jealousy. He felt that Greegan was unworthy, this was the general consensus within the temple, but he felt it more profoundly because in 1000 years no initiate showed his promise. Jaqua seethed..
In the years that followed Greegan attacked his teachings with a newfound zeal. It was inevitible that he would succeed or die trying. Greegan, if anything was a survivor. The Trials of Suru Kan'k, was upon the most promising students and even Epsilor had to admit that Greegan was ready for his ascention. That night Jaqua came to Epsilor..
"Master..", Jaqua's eyes were ablaze yet he controled his anger around Epsilor.
"Jaqua, how may I counsil you?", Epsilor asked.
"I declare my right as the eldest initiate to engage Greegan on the Suru Kan'k. I do not feel that he is ready for the honor that has been given him..", Jaqua's words came out in a heated rush borne from the burning place where he would tap his power, Epsilor was not amused at the initiates candidacy.
"You will mind your self! He has come to us with a promise one that may unite the schools! You have no place nor station to demand such things!", Epsilor rose and struck Jaqua down with an open hand. Epsilor has seen the power within Jaqua and wished it that Greegan would face him and prove his worth, yet this initiate should hold his tongue to an elder.
Epsilor stood above the stricken initiate and merely stated.. "Face him you shall"
The angry red gas giant rose across the green mountains, standing above the moon like a burning herald. Greegan had become used to the sight of the giant in the sky and the sun it often hid. The sky was typically dark on Yavin 6 because the planet and the sun were often in the same alignment however the gasses of the planet created an ultraviolet lightsource which breathed life into the flora. It was a scientific mystery that bordered upon the supernatural, by those that believed in such things. In the shadow of Yavin and in the valley of the mountian on which the temple rested was where the ceremony would be held. Greegan felt ready and even knew that this day he could die.
The initiates battled one another feircely and one Mon Calamari died to a crushed throat. The rules were simple. You lived and won your match you would ascend, if you failed you would take your place again as initiate and wait for the next 50 cycles to try again. If you lived..
The Initiates wore Black with Gold tabards the flowing robes flowing with the graceful moves of the bearers. The snapping of powerful strikes was paramount. The deep throated growls and snarls of the attackers followed by the inner burning cries that could freeze a man in his tracks. The Black Order taught her students to be killers.
Epsilor called Jaqua and Greegan to stand before him. They bowed deep in respect and reverence, then turned and bowed to each other. Jaqua showed no respect in his bow and it was noticed by Epsilor. The call to begin the fight was called and the combatants circled one another.
Greegan pivoted his left foot and launched his right foot in a spinning arc crescent kick. Jaqua was ready and ducked under and sweeped Greegans leg from under him. Greegan landed hard but bounced back up only to catch Jaqua's left foot on his left cheek that spun him and toppled him.
"K'thulu.. Im going to punish you...", Jaqua spat at him.
Greegan began to feel the inner fire and took it within his mind and let it burn there. Jaqua came in for a combo, left spin kick followed three round house punches then a jumping back kick.. Greegan blocked them all. Jaqua used the BurningCry and Greegan was struck dumb. Epsilor stood upright. In 1000 years no initiate had this power! Greegan was pummeled by several strikesand went down hard. Apparently incompacitated by the fury of those blows. Jaqua stood above him ready to finish him..
Secretly Epsilor was pleased with this turn of events. Jaqua would kill him and it would be within the laws of the school and temple. Immediately that look of satisfaction was gone to a look of astonishment.
Greegan windmilled his legs and stood upright releasing his own Burning Cry and it was by far more powerful. Students 30 meters away were struck dumb unable to move or even think. Greegan attacked with a fury unrealized, his mind burning with crimson hatred for this human who dared to punish him. It was the sound of packing meat over and over the slaps, kicks and punches. And when he controlled himself once again.. Jaqua lay spitting blood on the ceremonial mat. Epsilor could only stare with utter hatred as his prized student lay dying on the floor at the hands of Greegan. No one expected this outcome.. No one concieved that he kept his Shining Fist teachings close to heart to allow himself to will away his incompacitation. But Greegan was also part of The Black Guard and showed it by leaping into the air and bringing down the killing knee across Jaqua's neck, crushing it...
After the ceremony was over... Greegan Meditated wishing he had not killed but he knew that The Black Guard would see his mercy as a sign of weakness.. He also knew his troubles were not over with Grandmaster Epsilor...
to be continued
Tal-N
Sun Feb 22, 2004 6:30 am
#23
and what is really funny is that he is just another tka hater and not one himself... coming in here to troll..
TKA on the TestCentre actually, I think the profession is great to be honest. I posted because normally people like to have feedback so they can get better at something, sorry for trying to be helpful. As for my replies, you bite me so I bite back. I'm stopping biting now before the topic gets locked for being a flame fest.
BeccaTovo
Sun Feb 22, 2004 8:23 am
#24
/clap /clap .... very well done, cant wait for the next part.....you still reading this, get writing 
Oasa
Sun Feb 22, 2004 11:31 am
#25
Tal, cmon man, lay off, Im pretty sure this isn't english class, or I would be cutting it. Now look, if you have anything constructive to say, like you wish his character had done this or that or whatever. But don't comment on his grammer or spelling. Thats pretty much saying "you're stupid, and im not". Who cares if it isn't perfect grammatically? It's still interesting and fun to read. Thats what this game is about, no? To you,If not, please, don't bother us with your elitist attitude.
byebye now. 
RunemonIV
Sun Feb 22, 2004 10:18 pm
#26
I will be compiling these stories and reposting them on a new thread tomorrow. It will help keep the negativity out of it as per request. Hmmm seems even the devs like my stories, so I will continue to write.. The next few stories will be hard to write because i have to move time along pretty quick..
Greegan has to make a choice and his choice rocks the foundations of the "Known" Teras Kasi schools
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