Smuggler Archive

Princess Bride:

WES(tley)BELDIN: I mean, what are the three terrors of the Patch Cycle? One, the false promises. No problem. There's a popping sound preceding each, we can avoid that. Two, the Broken Special. But you were clever enough to discover what that looks like, so in the future we can avoid that too.

BUTTERCUP: Westley, what about the N.E.R.F.'s?

WESTLEY: Notoriously Everpresent Requests from Force-users? I don't think they exist...

And as he says that, a N.E.R.F. comes flying at him from off-screen.

------------------

Also PB:

Dev: Smuggler Revamp!!!

Smuggler: You keep on using that word-- I do not think it means what you think it means.

Message Edited by CapnKate on 05-27-2005 02:24 AM

Staying with the Princess Bride recurring theme.. this one is rather long, but you can blame Kate for giving me the idea. :>


MAN IN BLACK: All right, where is the nerf? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both respec, and find out who is right, and who is nerfed.

WES: But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you. Are you the sort of man who would put the nerf into his own profession, or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the nerf into his own profession, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the build in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool; you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the build in front of me.

MAN IN BLACK: You've made your decision, then.

WES: Not remotely. Because revamps come from SOE, as everyone knows. And SOE is entirely peopled with devs. And devs are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me. So I can clearly not choose the build in front of you.

MAN IN BLACK: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.

WES: Wait till I get going! Where was I?

MAN IN BLACK: SOE.

WES: Yes -- SOE, and you must have suspected I would have known the revamp's origin, so I can clearly not choose the revamp in front of me.

MAN IN BLACK (very nervous): You're just stalling now.

WES (cackling): You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've beaten my Panic Shot, which means you're exceptionally fast. So, you could have put the nerf in your own build, trusting on your speed to save you. So I can clearly not choose the build in front of you. But, you've also bested my Feign Death which means you must have studied. And in studying, you must have learned that man is mortal so you would have put the nerf as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the build in front of me.

MAN IN BLACK: You're trying to trick me into giving away something -- it won't work --

WES: It *has* worked! You've given everything away! I know where the nerf is!

MAN IN BLACK: Then make your choice.

WES: I will. And I choose --

And suddenly he stops, and points at something behind the Man In Black.

WES: -- what in the world can that be?

MAN IN BLACK (looks away): What? Where? I don't see anything.

WES (hurriedly swaps builds): Oh, well, I-I could have sworn I saw something. No matter.

The Man In Black turns to face him again. WES starts to laugh.

MAN IN BLACK: What's so funny?

WES: I'll tell you in a minute. First, let's respec -- me from my build, and you from yours.

Both respec.

MAN IN BLACK: You guessed wrong.

WES (laughing madly): You only think I guessed wrong, that's what's so funny! I switched builds when your back was turned! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is "Never get involved in a flame war with Jedi." But only slightly less well known is this: "Never go in against a Smuggler when Last Ditch is on the line!"

He laughs and roars and cackles and whoops and is in all ways quite cheery until he reads his skill list and falls over dead.

Noob: The Revamp. What is the Revamp?

Veela: Twelve years ago I met a man, a great man, who said that no one could be told the answer to that question. That they had to see it, to believe it. He told me that no one should look for the answer unless they have to because once you see it, everything changes. Your life and the world you live in will never be the same. It's as if you wake up one morning and the sky is falling. The truth is out there, Noob. It's looking for you and it will find you, if you want it to.

Wes: Youslice the bluewire and the story ends. You wake in your bed and you believe whatever you want to believe. Youslice the redwire and you stay inthe smuggler forumsand I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.

SMUGGLER BOY: Yourprofessiondoes notsmuggle because it is just that, a profession. Minesmuggles because there is no profession, just my lifestyle. Link yourself to the Smugglers. Become theSmuggler andsmuggle yourself.

Message Edited by Arsani on 05-27-2005 10:37 AM

This one's for Wes. Its not Kipling but its the best I could do.

Half a klick, half a klick,

Half a klick more,

All in the valley of Death

Rode the six smugglers.

"Forward, you Space Pirates!

"Charge for the Devs!" he said:

Into the valley of Death

Rode the six smugglers

"Forward, you Space Pirates!"

Was there a man dismay'd"

Not tho' the smugglers knew

Someone had blunder'd:

Thier's not to make reply,

Thier's not to reason why,

Thier's but to do and die:

Into the valley of Death

Rode the six smugglers.

Nerfs to right of them,

Nerfs to left of them,

Nerfs inf ront of them

Volley'd and thunder'd;

Storm'd as with shot and shell,

Boldly they drove and well,

Into the Jaws of the Devs,

Into the mouth of Hell

Rode the six smugglers

Flash'd all thier blasters bare,

Flash'd as the flare'd the air,

Firing the gunners there,

Charging an army, while

All the world wonder'd:

Plunged in the after-smoke

Right thro' the line they broke;

CSR and Dev

Reel'd from the blaster bolts

Shatter'd and shunder'd

Then they drove back, but not

Not the six smugglers.

Nerfs to right of them,

Nerfs to left of them,

Nerfs behind them

Volley'd and thunder'd;

Storm'd at with shot and shell;

While speeder and hero fell,

They that had fought so well

Came thro' the jaws of the Devs

Back from the mouth of hell,

All that was left of them,

Left of six smugglers.

When can thier glory fade?

O the wild charge they made!

All the world wondered.

Honor the charge they made

Honor the Space Pirates,

Noble six smugglers.

Message Edited by TimSpork on 05-27-2005 10:57 AM

---

Capt_Baobab wrote:
ok.. here's a few for the more intelectual( and those of you from acros the great pond)

Snatch:

Bullet Tooth Tony: So, you are obviously the whiney jedi,and the men on the side of ya are your Nerf bats. There are two types of Nerf bats. There are big brave Nerf bats, and there are little mincey Nerf bats.

Jedi: These are your last words, so make them a Flame.

Bullet Tooth Tony: Now, Jedis have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell nerf and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old Nerf, and have brought your two small mincey Nerf bats along for a good old time. But you've got your parties mangled up. There's no nerf here, just a special that'll make you wish you respeced to Master CH. Like a jedi, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little bats are shrinking with ya. The fact that you've got "Replica" written down the side of your lightsaber. (withdraws his Renegade) And the fact that I've got "Waiting for revamp since launch" written on the side of mine, should precipitate your batss into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... Sod off.

Snatch again:

(bounty hunter to jedi)Do you know what "nemesis" means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible $&^%... me.


and for the closing act...

Dev:Who took the fun outta your game?

(anyone who isn't a jedi): You took the bleeping fun outta my game, Dev, you did.

---

Rich mate. Absolutely Rich.

That Bullet-Tooth Tony scene is probably my favourite monologe in any movie I've seen as of late.

Good stuff.

And another

To smuggle, or not to smuggle: that is the question:


Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer


The slings and arrows of outrageous nerfs,


Or to take arms against a sea of Jebi,


And by opposing end them? To LD: to FD;


No more; and by a FD to say we end


The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks


That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation


Devoutly to be wish'd. To incap, to sleep;


To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;


For in that sleep of incap what dreams may come


When we have visited the cloning center,


Must give us pause: there's the respec


That makes calamity of so long grind;


For who would bear the whips and scorns of Devs,


The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,


The pangs of no Dev love, the Revamp's delay,


The insolence of Jebi and the spurns


That patient merit of the respecers takes,


When he himself might his quietus make


With a bare skill tree? who would slicing bear,


To grunt and sweat with molecular clamps,


But that the hope of something after CU,


The undiscover'd country from whose bourn


No smuggler returns, puzzles the will


And makes us rather bear those ills we have


Than fly to others that we know not of?


Thus conscience does make cowards of Devs all;


And thus the native hue of resolution


Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,


And enterprises of great pith and moment


With this regard their currents turn awry,


And lose the name of action.--Soft you now!


The fair Revamp! Pixie, in thy orisons


Be all my SINs remember'd.