Smuggler Archive
Thread: A chuckle for the smuggler
WaerbGloofin wrote:
My "pusher" came back on last night. He's been making a great name for himself. Buying spice for 500 cr on my vendor and selling them for 700 cr. He's saving up so he can buy a bunch.
tonight i was waiting on a customer to get his armor crafted. he was a new guy to the game and it was his first set of armor (it was some cool looking padded). he sent me a tell asking me to slice it when it was finished. i told him that it would be 25k for the whole suit and blah blah blah, cant controll it, might not be as good as you want, blah blah blah.
so, while im waiting for him to get finished i realize i am out of AUKs. i tell him to go to my house where i have 2 crates of them and i will slice there. BTW, when we got together i went LD and he was cool enough to wait and just look around at all the junk i have displayed and he didn't complain.
so anyway, while im waiting on him this dork asked me to slice his container, i tell him the whole thing about how i dont need the xp and to put it on the bazaar in coronet and he will get 6k for it by morning. he says he has to see whats in it right now so i agree to slice for him and i will even do it for free.
it takes me 5 minutes to talk him through the trade while my 25k coustomer is waiting on me. we finaly compleat the trade and i slice (it was a wooden staff and a shirt) i tell my customer to please wait as im trying to help out another noob. then i request a trade with the dork noob and i wait. i send another request and wait. i tell my paying customer to please be patient. i send a tell to the dork and get nothing
then i am really fed up so i shout that he has to the count of five to accept the trade or im leaving to go make 25k. i get to 5 and nothing, so i leave. when im at my house i get a ton of emails telling me to give him back his container. i send him another tell saying i am with a customer and he can come out if he wants and i will give it back. i finish with my customer, he got the crummiest set of armor slices i have ever done but was cool about it. so then we go kill some stuff around my house and go back to bestine. he was being such a great guy that i asked my guild leader to invite him as he was looking for a guildand wanted to buy a house. then in bestine i founda suit of effectiveness sliced composite in my bank i had forgotten about. it was only around 10-15% durability left but it was still better than his padded. i gave it to him and told him that our guild needed guys like him and to seriously consider our offer of membership and a free house.
then i get a tell from the dork again. he wants me to come back to my house to give him his container. i tell him i was there for 15 minutes and its only a 1 minute ride from bestine and he should have been there earlier, but if he hurries he will catch me at the shuttleport before i leave. he sends me a long stream of profanities and i say i am going to add ignore him, but i never got around to it.
i couldn't belive my luck. i had one noob who was one of the coolest guys around and actualy listened to my explinations and took my advice. he even said he wanted to wait a few days to join my guild so that he could be a more advanced fencer and actualy be an asset to the group. but in the same day i had the most annoying person in the world flip out over a locked container that he didnt want to sell for 6k... go figure.
much later on i log back in, distroy the container as it was cluttering up my inventory and just after i did he /tells me again.
/dude give me back my stuff
/me what stuff?
/dude you remember me, you sliced my container and never gave it back
/me oh yeah, i forgot about you, i distroyed that container a while ago. trying to get you to accept the trade almost cost me 25k. my customer was being nice and didn't bail on me.
/dude im reporting you, your a crook, im telling everybody on the forums not to use you
/me ok
/dude did you really distroy my container, i needed that, i heard there are force crystals inside them, i need a crystal to get a jedi character
/me ok
/dude come on, i know crystals are expensive but please give it back i need a jedi
/me ok
/dude im trying to be nice give it back
/me long explination about jedi/crystals/pearls/containers and how they do and do not relate to eachother
/dude i dont belive you
/me ok
/dude are you for real, thats how it works?
/me yes now leave me alone
/dude what was in my container?
/me wooden staff and a t shirt
/dude ok, im sorry i almost cost you a customer, how do you make that much money?
/me explain slicing
/dude im sorry again, im new so i dont know a lot of stuff
/me read your instruction guide that came with the game
/dude i will, can i have some credits or items to help me get started
/me add ignore
WaerbGloofin wrote:
I'm grinding away at Chef near the starport in Theed when a gent comes up and says.
Gent: Will you slice some $h!T for me?
Me: Nope
Gent: You won't! Why not.
Me: Union rules. I'm not allowed to compete with the fly's around here.
And was that followed up by a rim shot on the drums and a "Thank you, I'll be here through Thursday." ??
"I just flew in from Tatooine and boy, are my arms tired..."
A fencer, a Swordsman, and myself are out running Reb missions- I just got MCM and I am very dissappointed in the amount of damage my poisons are doing versus time compared to the mega damage the fencer and the swordsman are throwing down. By the time I mind poison a couple of guys my partners have already KO'd them and have run over to destroy the flag.
All the while I notice that the Swordsman is MAD low on his Mind. CMs can heal mind with at a cost to their own HAM but I had CASES of brandy at the time so I figured "what the hell?" I'll give it a shot.
I put a MASSIVE mind heal on the Swordsman.
Swordsman: WHOA! How did you do that Tevin?
Me: I'm Batman
I dug this up:
"The Nerf Before Christmas"
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Just one creature was stirring, and clicking the mouse.
The stimpacks were hung from the backpacks with care,
Almost to master! Just need one more square!
The grinders kept grinding, ignoring their beds,
While visions of holocrons danced in their heads.
And Mamma in her fleshwrap and I in my composite
Had just settled down after a quick terminal deposit.
When up on the message boards came such a chatter
I flew to the site to see what was the matter.
Away into Windows I stole with a flash,
To read the new nerf, cost of 15 bucks cash.
The whiners already had cursed their new gun,
‘It’s nerfed beyond reason! This game is no fun!’
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But old Saint Q3PO full of nerf cheer.
The SOE staff had their nerf bats at ready,
But the servers as always were not quite so steady.
More rapid than eagles the nerf lists they came,
And there was the update, and each nerf by name.
No med droids! No dancers! No Bounties or Armors!
No clothing! No pets and no lewt for lewt farmers!
By the end of the list, by the end of the post,
It was hard to tell who had been nerfed quite the most.
I quickly logged on and loaded my ranger,
But his items were gone and his stats were in danger.
My backpack was empty, my hides were gone too,
Everything had been nerfed from my helm to my shoe!
I clicked on a link and I wrote out a ticket,
In seconds the staff made it clear I could stick it.
I reported a bug: “This nerf must be a goof”
And suddenly 3PO popped in with a POOF!
“We’ve nerfed the whole game to eliminate cheaters,
(Then he paused and ran back when he warped 50 meters)
We nerfed every Twi’lek and Mon Calamari,
We nerfed every stat and made customers sorry.”
“We made the Krayt Dragons less harmful than smurfs
and then we took care to nerf previous nerfs!
We nerfed Imps out on Bestine and Rebs out on Lok,
We nerfed all the flame guns and now they just smoke.”
Your once mighty carbines? Now barely can sting.
We nerfed every item! We nerfed everything!”
And as that old dev disappeared out of sight
He cried “15 bucks from all, and to all a nerf night!”
You know how novice fencers will come up to you when you're wearing your Fence title?
Well last night i decided to harass a novice fencer! Here's how it went down...
Me: Can you teach me spices I?
Guy: i'm not a smuggler
Me: But your title says you're a novice at fence
Guy: novice fence (i guess he forgot the "r")
Guy: not novice smuggler
Me: Fence is a smuggler skill
Me: It's spices
Guy: no it's not
Guy: fence is a fencing skill
Me: Ask any smuggler
Guy: fencing is one handed weapons
Me: Fence = dealer in illegal goods
Guy: yes, not in this game though
Me: It is a smuggler title
Guy: fence is
Me: I'm sure of it
Guy: not novice fence
Me: So what you're telling me is you're a novice fence?
Guy: I'm a novice fencer
Me: ?
Guy: not a fence, and the title is just fence for smuggler it isn't novice fencer.
Me: "fence"?
Guy: fencer
Guy: as in swords, one handed weapons.
Me: I think i get it
Me: You haven't gotten to spices 4 yet to get the fence title
Guy: i'm not a smuggler at all
Guy: i'm a fencer
Me: As in poke sticks?
Guy: as in one handed weapons like swords
Me: Geeze this is all clear to me
Me: I guess i'm a dumbass
Guy: you cant get a novice fence title. It's fencer, not fence. Novice fencer is a one handed weapon specialist.
Guy: a novice smuggler is novice smuggler, you get the fence title when you get spices four.
Me: Thank you sir : )
Guy: you're welcome
Me: I should shake your hand : )
Guy: hehe it's ok
Me: Take care bro, and mayI not be a dumb enough smuggler to get myself killed by a mob of meatlump baffoons. : )
Guy: ok good luck
Me: *envisions a long life ahead of him* : )