Smuggler Archive
Thread: i see your schwartz is as big as mine...
AngusMacGregor
Sat Jul 09, 2005 8:07 am
#41
COL SANDERS
We're approaching Planet Druidia, sir.
DARK HELMET
Good. I'll call Spaceball City, and notify President Skroob immediately.
RICO
I already called him, sir. He knows everything.
DARK HELMET
What? You went over my helmet?
RICO
Well, not exactly over it, sir. More on the side. I'll always call you first. It'll never happen again. Never, ever!
DARK HELMET
(puts on Schwartz ring)
(puts on Schwartz ring)
RICO
Oh sh!t! No, no, no, no, no, please, no, no, please, no, not that. (covers his neck)
DARK HELMET
(pulls mask down)
(pulls mask down)
Yes. That. (shoots a green ray at Rico's crotch)
RICO
Whaoooooooo! Owwwwwwwwww!
DARK HELMET
GUARDS. Take him away.
AngusMacGregor
Sat Jul 09, 2005 8:11 am
#42
NEWS MAN
....so I guess you might call that a case of man bites droid. (laughs) On a sadder note, Pizza the Hut (famed half-man, half-pizza) was found dead earlier today in the back seat of his stretched limo. Evidently, the notorious gangster became locked in his car, and ate himself to death. Coming up, Pongo's review of Rocky five....thousand. Pongo.
maxtheusher
Sat Jul 09, 2005 8:22 am
#43
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMG! I just thought of something. We should petition to have an MMO created based on the Spaceballs universe!
AngusMacGregor
Sat Jul 09, 2005 8:36 am
#44
INT. SPACEBALL 1 - SPACE DARK HELMET and COL SANDURZ are standing in front. EAGLE 5 is in front of them.
COL SANDURZ
We're closing in on them, sir. In less than minute, Lone Starr will be ours.
DARK HELMET
(mask down)
(mask down)
Good. Prepare to attack.
COL SANDURZ
Prepare to attack!
DARK HELMET
On the count of three. One, two....
Eagle 5 takes off into hyperactive.
DARK HELMET
Wait. (lifts up mask) What happened? Where are they?
COL SANDURZ
I don't know, sir. They must have hyperjets on that thing.
DARK HELMET
And what have we got on this thing, a quizinart?
COL SANDURZ
No, sir.
DARK HELMET
Well, find them, catch them!
COL SANDURZ
Yes, sir. (over loudspeaker) Prepare ship for light speed!
DARK HELMET
No, no, no, light speed is too slow.
COL SANDURZ
Light speed, too slow?
DARK HELMET
Yes, we're gonna have to go right to... ludicrous speed.
ALL gasp.
COL SANDURZ
(gasp)
(gasp)
Ludicrous speed? Sir, we've never gone that fast before. I don't know if this ship can take it.
DARK HELMET
What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz, chicken?
COL SANDURZ
(in high pitch)
(in high pitch)
Prepare ship, (back to normal) prepare ship for ludicrous speed. Fasten all seat belts, seal all entrances and exits, close all shops in the mall, cancel the 3-ring circus, secure all animals in the zoo....
DARK HELMET
(takes the microphone)
(takes the microphone)
Gimme that, you petty excuse for an officer.
COL SANDURZ sits in his seat and buckles up.
DARK HELMET
(in microphone)
(in microphone)
Now hear this, ludicrous speed....
COL SANDURZ
Sir, hadn't you better buckle up?
DARK HELMET
Aah, buckle this. (into microphone) Ludicrous speed, Go!
The ship takes off. The display lights up: Light Speed, Ridiculous Speed, and then Ludicrous Speed. Helmet is being pulled back.
DARK HELMET
Whoaaa! What have I done? My brains are going into my feet!
INT. EAGLE 5 - SPACE Spaceball 1 passes over them leaving a plaid shadow.
BARF
What the hell was that?
LONE STARR
Spaceball 1.
BARF
They've gone to plaid.
INT. SPACEBALL 1 SPACE
DARK HELMET
We passed them. Stop this thing!
COL SANDURZ
We can't stop. It's too dangerous. We have to slow down first.
DARK HELMET
Bullsh!t. Just stop this thing. I order you. Staaaaahhhhp!
COL SANDURZ pulls on emergency brake which reads, "Emergency Stop, never use." The ship stops and DARK HELMET goes flying into a panel.
COL SANDURZ
(picks Helmet up)
(picks Helmet up)
Are you all right, sir?
DARK HELMET
Fine. How've you been?
COL SANDURZ
Fine, sir.
DARK HELMET
Good.
COL SANDURZ
It's a good thing you were wearing that helmet.
DARK HELMET
Yeah.
COL SANDURZ
What should we do now, sir?
DARK HELMET
Well, are we stopped?
COL SANDURZ
We're stopped, sir.
DARK HELMET
Good. Well, why don't we take a five minute break.
COL SANDURZ
Very good, sir.
DARK HELMET
Smoke if you got 'em. (falls forward)
Kameckobe
Sat Jul 09, 2005 9:00 am
#45
Ah sorry, I havent seen the movie for a few months...speaking of, I just found my movie to watch tonight!
What are ya doin?
The...vulcan death punch?
No no, you got it all wrong, its more up here, where the shoulders meets the neck.
Riiiiiight here?
Yea! <collapses>
Kameckobe
Sat Jul 09, 2005 9:01 am
#46
oh and
"A gun? I HATE guns!"
<fwoosh>
"My hair! They shot my hair! Sonofa b!@#$!"
<Princess Vespa goes all rambo on them>
Golrok
Sat Jul 09, 2005 9:25 am
#47
heh. this is crazy. when i used to slice for gen pop I had an emote for when I was done and they said thanks I would reply with:
/wave;
May Da Shwartz be with you..
/wave;
May Da Shwartz be with you..
BluebloodUK
Sat Jul 09, 2005 11:52 am
#48
*V-WAARP! V-WAARP!*
"Back of mister! *whispers* Where'd he touch, where'd he touch?!"
"What the hell is that?!"
"That is my "Virgin Alarm" - it's programmed to go off before you do".
Genius. Bested only by the "What's the matter Colonel Sanders? Chicken?!" line mentioned before. Pure class. Especially when Sanders then begins to squark like a chicken. ROFL
Mac_Leod
Sat Jul 09, 2005 12:06 pm
#49
nasafan2 wrote:Antonnio wrote:
What the hell am I looking at? When does THIS happen in the movie?
Your looking at now sir... Everything that is happening now, is happening now.
What happened to then?
We passed it.
When?
Just now. This is NOW NOW.
Go back to then!
When?Now!
Now?
Now!
We Can't!
Why?
We missed it!
When?!
Just now.
----
When will then be now...
SOON!heheh, added the rest. At least I think that's the rest. I'll have to watch the movie again to double check that. Either way, it kinda sounds funny.my contribution:Who're you?BAAARRF!Not in here Mister, this is a Mercedes!
There ya go, finished it for you.
Ternque01
Sat Jul 09, 2005 12:15 pm
#51
srotre wrote:
(coming the desert) we aint found sh*t
funniest part of the movie hands down. You MUST watch the uncensored version of this movie.
DarthHommie
Sat Jul 09, 2005 2:49 pm
#52
/Pointstosig
Message Edited by DarthHommie on 07-09-2005 03:28 PM