Smuggler Archive

My Wife Faction has been suffering the last few days.

I need to do a little of the following:

/gotoMovie;
/add Light Buttered Popcorn; (just the way she likes it)
/add 2 nights of watching CSI on the couch, half asleep;

that aught to get me outta the negative for a while.

at least until my girlfriend comes over again.

lol j/k

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Quard wrote:

So I flew into the smug outpost on Endor, with my Rogue title activated, and this level one imp walks up to me and tells me he has a big problem. So far so good. I noticed that his health bar is two thirds of the way black from wounds no doubt inflicted from space combat. I ask him if his wounds are the big problem and he says no. His problem is that his tie fighter had been annihilated and he wants some cash for a ticket back to Talus.I told him that it was too bad that he wasn't a rebel, as my lieutenant colonel tag should have told him I was big into the rebellion, unless the cash is right of course. Still going strong! I asked him if he had anything to sell and he said no, but I noticed he was wearing an imperial pilot flight suit that would look good on the wall in my house.(The Ah-HAH! Moment) I told him that I would give him 5000 credits, more than enough to get home, in exchange for his flight suit. Ah, ya blew it. Didn't ask him to smuggle anything for you, didn't ask for a dance or for them to sing a short medley, and gave him more than enough for a ticket. *tsk*. He immediately agreed and then asked me how to trade. Newbs. I explained it to himand the exchange commenced. He thanked me and I wishedhim good luck and we went our separate ways. Proud of myself, I announced to my wife what I had done. Thus continuing on a streak of bad luck. She yelled at me and forced me to send the guy a tell saying that if he ever wanted to buy backhis flight suit, he could. Ya see, this is why Han never told Leia what was up until she found out from some snitch. It's a *lot* easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission. When I suggested that I should offer to sell it back for 100,000 credits (a valiant attempt at a Smuggler recovery), her frown didn't disappear. And this surprises you because... So I had to tell this newbthat I would sellhim his suit back whenever he wanted to at the same price I bought it for. I learned one thing today; the wife just doesn't get smuggler. So I put it to you, the smuggler community,am Ievil? No. Did I do wrong? Yeah, you told the wife. Or was I just playing my class? Yes you were, but having a bad day of it. There's always tomorrow and I'm sure you've learned from the experience.

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Smuggler Scoundrel = Good.

Smuggler Scoundrel telling Wife = Bad.

Got it?

I am a firm believer in the fact that most "noobs" that beg for money are in fact alts of someone who is trying to get over anyway. So you did well my friend

Don't kid yourself Geetah - Post CU Wife is a pain in the butt - you actually have to be there now to issue commands, no longer can you AFK argue or be able to auto dodge the flying untensils, nope, now you have to actually be involved in the thing which takes up WAAAAY to much time.

My advice - stick to the PRE-CU wife and count your blessings.

You're a little evil. Quasi-evil. Evil Lite.

It was a business transaction. it's all good... too many handouts these days.

Later on, the guy may ask you if he can buy his flight suit back... you could say 'sure... for 100K' which would be a little more evil. Moderate evil. The middle management of evil.

Meanwhile, your wife doesn't need to know any of this, of course.

Am I Evil? Yes I am! My mother was a witch. She was burned alive!...


Now I want to rock out and I'm stuck in the office. I will add my, "Am I evil?" story to the thread hehe. And yes, I know I am.


So I roll up to Mos Espa Starport after returning home to stash some goods I have obtained through the barter system with a certain contact on Kashyyyk. It was pretty much a blue milk run since the people who showed up to relieve me of my shipment weren't half as handy with their blasters as they were with their mouths. Somedays I swear Lady valarian kidnaps farmboys to be her muscle. She could at least tell them the rule about running when a smuggler is grinning. Oh well, more creds and ship parts for me to sell. So I hop off my swoop and walk in to the starport to do some maintenence on my ship "The Krayts Fang" when this stranger walks up to me, just a zabrak kid. He then says those words that all of us dread hearing. "Say Mr. can u give me sum creds? I was trying to hunt down some wamprats but this POS rifle just ain't doing the job!" Usually alleycats like this who speak in a patois that makes me wonder if he is really my same species get ignored instantly, but tonight, as I said earlier, I was feeling a little high on the job well done, and probably the tail end of some pixie too. So I put down the file I was using to get rid of some pesky serial numbers, and tell him. "What will you give me?"

"Wut?"

"What will you give me in return for my hard earned credits?" The truth was I was rolling in creds after scraping the former pilots out of the parts I sold, and the juice from the fat delivery I just completed, but he didn't need to know that

"I dun no, I dun have anything, u can have my gun if u want wen I by a new one?"

"Nah that hunk of junk is more useless to me than it is to you. I tell you what, you don't have to give me a thing. Just, entertain me." Entertainment and debauchery was just the ticket after a hard (HAH!) days work.

"Wut u mean?"

"I mean, tell me a joke, or a story, or dance, or sing. Make me laugh." And to prove how serious I was I whipped out my datapad like I was going to transfer some credits.

Here is where the story takes a strange turn. The kid stands there for a few minutes scratching his head saying he didn't know any jokes. I start to turn back to my new parts when the kid says "Hey Mr". I couldn't believe what I was seeing. The kid had his shirt off already and was unbuttoning his pants. "Mr, is this how its done?" He started writhing around in an uncomfortable and embarassed way. This kid had been watching WAY too many holo-vids. I stood there in shock as he slipped off his pants and turned in circles swaying around like it was his first night in Jabba's, but we were in the Starport! I just turned this farmboy into a prostitute. When that thought hit me I started laughing so hard I dropped all my tools and people started to notice us. For some reason you strip a guy down to his skivvies and make a little noise and the stormtroopers come swooping in like those ugly-ass vultures on roadkill at the swoop tracks. Poodoo, I've got a lot of cash, and a lot of parts and no receipts.

"Kid, put your clothes on. I've seen trained veermoks dance better, and were prettier too. Besides my little twilek partner would roast us both like roba's on a stick if she saw this. Learn some jokes, or get a job...that involves wearing clothes."

I was lucky the stormtroopers were more interested in him than me. I threw my gear in the hold and blasted out of there like my ass was on fire. Stupid kid.

When I told Ryla about it she made it to the part where the kid asked "Is this how its done Mr?", she laughed so hard she fell out of her chair. If you've ever seen a beautiful twilek rolling around on the floor laughing so hard clothing starts falling off, you will understand why I wired the kid some credits.



True story written in RP style. Its Friday, and I dont want to be at work. Maybe I should stick that in Chuckle for the smuggler. LOL "The Day I sold a newbie into prostitution."

I think this is great. As a newbie nothing pissed me off more than free handouts. I asked where I could buy a pistol, not if I could have yours. I asked how much it cost for a suit of ubese, not if I could have 50k. Damnit! I wanna be self sufficent and you're not helping!

Only beggers I give money to are guildies because it pisses me off even more to see them begging in public. It's degrading. I always try to strike a deal. Anyone worth spit wants to have pride in themselves and know that somehow they earned what they have.

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SwenLaransa wrote:
I think this is great. As a newbie nothing pissed me off more than free handouts. I asked where I could buy a pistol, not if I could have yours. I asked how much it cost for a suit of ubese, not if I could have 50k. Damnit! I wanna be self sufficent and you're not helping!

Only beggers I give money to are guildies because it pisses me off even more to see them begging in public. It's degrading. I always try to strike a deal. Anyone worth spit wants to have pride in themselves and know that somehow they earned what they have.

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w00t for the Naritus smugglers and knowing how the game's supposed to work!

Great RP vito.

Hillarious.

Makes me wanna smack 'em with the buisness end of a power conduit myself. I remember doing delivery missions OVER and OVER again for less than a 100 creds a pop at launch. Saving all those creds to buy a nice set of Bone Armor and a pistol that didn't have CDEF in front of its name.

How's it go again Tomo? Smugglin' through a Tat sandstorm, uphill, both ways since xx/xx/xx...

LOL power conduit...

You all remember that "Last Ditch" engraved on the end? lol that was a great time. I laughed so hard at that, people at work were looking at me funny.

I hope this experience has taught you a valuable lesson in friendship....

....Never tell your wife.