Shipwright Archive
Thread: The Shipwright terrible customer thread
hilarious
You know, it's these kind of stories that make me wish that crafters/merchants could be rated by some kind of player driven system and players could obtain a "consumer report" on a player before approaching them. This guy would be horribly bankrupt in this case.
Cerius101 wrote:
Every other profession has a thread like this so I thought I'd start one off with some tales of ignorant customers and the pain us shippies have to go through. Here goes:-
This one happened to me last week:-
Noob Customer: Hi there. Sorry for sending you a /tell but I didn't get a reply to the email I sent you 3 weeks ago
Me: #$@@$! What do you want?
Noob Customer: I've just got the first two Imp Tier 4 Pilot boxes and I'm wondering if you could put together a TIE-Aggressor and all the components. I'd like a lot of fire power and shields but I understand that we have to take mass into account. Any suggestions you make would be very welcome. I'd gladly pay you for your time.
Why do you refer to this customer as a "noob"? You'll have to excuse me, but anyone who is working on tier 4 pilot skills is not a noob (unless perhaps they sat in a friend's Decimator throughout their entire experience).
Me: Sh*t buddy. Why do you think I have a vendor? Go check there.
You use this kind of language with customers and potential customers. In my opinion, this is just plain rude. Hope you're not a salesperson or someone who has to interact with customers alot in real life.
Noob Customer: I have checked your vendor. It's got 4 Y-wings and a Paint Kit.
*At this stage I'm getting really hacked off with the constant /tells
Did you realize that by becoming a crafter, you'd have to interact with other players--alot.
Me: So you want me to drop what I'm doing and drive out to see you, then do all the work into putting your ship together? Sheeesh!
Noob Customer: Actually I'm standing next to you. But I'd be happy to come and see you at another time. Whenever suits you is fine with me
Me: I don't have time for this Looser!!!
You're kidding, right? If not, I hope this person left immediately to find another shipwright to satisfy his needs.
/addInore
/aDIngore
/addInort
Me: JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!
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This one happened to me only last night:
L33t dude: Hello there friend. I was wondering if you could do me a favor?
Me: Do I look like a charity? Do you see 'HELPER' above my head?
L33t dude: Seriously. I think you'll really like this offer I'm going to make
At this point I'm getting sick of this guy and his constant tells
Are you always this rude?
Me: OK, make it quick.
L33t dude: I've just bought all eight disks for the KSE Firespray schematic
Me: Woot! Sheesh! What do you want ME to do about it?
L33t dude: If I give you the disks and the resources, can you make me a KSE Firespray?
Me: Well first of all, it's called the KGB Freespray and secondly, what is in all this for me?
*At this stage I'm wishing I never flew into Coronet with my Master shipwright tag on
L33t dude: Well, you can keep the schematic afterwards and sell the rest of the ships
Me: You think I've got the resources to waste on 5 Freesprays? Think again a$$paper.
L33t dude: *sigh* Ok. I'll try and find another shipwright
Me: I've just reported you to a CSR. Looser!
L33t dude: But why?
Me: %$&@ bucket!
L33t dude: Ok man. I'm going now
*Some time later
Me: Hey bro! Do you still need me to make those KST FlySpies?
Me: I've got the resources
Me: Hello?
Me: Are you there?
I hope the players that approach you report you to the CSRs.
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This is a great one. I've only just made it up. I was in Coro Starport, looking for people to duel and spamming adverts for my vendor when this happened:-
Me: Come and see my vendors at -4435, 4543. Undercutting all other shipwrights on the Server!
Noob Master Shipwright: Hi there sir. Could we have a chat?
Me: Wanna duel noob?
Noob Master Shipwright: No thanks. That looks like a mean CDEF pistol you have there. I wouldn't last a second.
Me: Heheh. I own you.
Noob Master shipwright: I was just wondering if we could have a chat about your prices?
Me: Kiss my snout! I'm not going to give you my pricing calculator
Noob Master shipwright: Please, please stop selling things so cheaply. You can make just as much money selling less for more.
Me: Don't you start attacking me with your economics spanner face.
*Suddenly another idiot turns up
Idiot pilot: Hi again. Do you have that A-Wing I ordered from you last week
Me: Look chump. Things take time. I need to get the resources
Idiot pilot: But I gave you the resources and paid you your normal price
Me: I put it on my vendor go and get it! Sheesh
Idiot pilot: I've been to your vendor but can't get in. Your house has been condemed by the Empire
Me: Duel?
Me: Come and see my vendors at -4435, 4543. Undercutting all other shipwrights on the Server!
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It would be great to hear your nightmare stories! Keep em coming!
Message Edited by Mickos on 03-14-2005 03:16 PM
It's a shame that there aren't any real stories about bad customers though. I was really expecting to hear some gruesome tales.
For some reason Shipwright seems to be different. Ever since I switched on my Master Shipwright tag I have had nothing but inteligent and articulate chats with customers. Most of the Shipwright related conversations I have are very similar to my original post - without me being rude of course.
That said, I think I may add some more made up stuff. For a bit of light relief.
UmmonPrime wrote:
Ok, I just have to say you are really rude. You start out being rude before you're even asked a question.
This was funnier than the original post.
Anyone who couldn't see the tongue-in-cheek method of that post seriously needs to go watch a funny movie.
Jedi: Hi there SuperFurry, I’ve just bought that download you were selling from eBay
Me: I don’t know what you are talking about…
Jedi: You were selling the Rage of the Wookies expansion on eBay. I bought a copy. I’m so pleased. SOE say it won’t be out for another few weeks.
Me: Will you be quiet! You’ll get us both banned!
Jedi: It’s just that I haven’t noticed anything different since installing it. Except that my computer runs very slowly and my AntiVirus keeps saying my machine is full of SuperFurry SpyWare.
Me: Heheh, that must be SOE. They never get a patch right do they?
Jedi: Yeah, those Devs! Anyway, I’ve got a few questions for you
*By this point I am getting fed up of the constant tells*
Me: (Remembering my new caring policy) Ok sir, ask away
Jedi: That Jedi Starfighter you sold me, it doesn’t perform very well
Me: Yeah, most specialized ships aren’t that great. The KFC Firefly is the same, it flies like a dog.
Jedi: I just thought this would be a bit different
Me: SHEEESH! What do you expect?
Jedi: Well for a start, it looks just like the Z95. It’s even called Z95. Maybe you’ve given me the wrong ship
Me: EXCUSE ME! I’ve been a Shipwright for over 2 weeks. Are you saying I’ve made some mistake????
Jedi: Well, it’s just that…
Me: It’s SUPPOSED to look like that. If it looked like the Jedi Starfighter people would KNOW you’re a Jedi and you’d be on the TERMS all the time.
Jedi: Errrm, I guess so….
Me: Loads of people have been buying the new Bounty Hunter ships that have just come out. They look just like a Dunelizard but can cut through Jedi’s like butter. I’m doing you a HUGE favor here. The Z95 converter kit costs me a fortune in resources.
Jedi: I’m really sorry. I feel so stupid.
Me: I should charge you for my time you know…
Jedi: Ok, last question sir. You said that my ship had an inbuilt Heavy Mineral Harverster.
Me: Yes, and?
Jedi: Well so far I’ve not been able to harvest anything
Me: Are you landing on asteroids like I told you?
Jedi: Well I try to, but every time I get close I just bounce off them and the ship makes a huge crashing sound
Me: OMG! Do you want me to fly the ship for you too? It’s not my fault you can’t fly. You Jedi think that you are uber everything. Well let me tell you, space is different buddy.
Jedi: I’m sorry. I’m crying in real life.
Me: There, there. It’s ok. How about I sell you the new Jedi Y-Wing…