Pistoleer Archive

The gun katas. Through analysis of thousands of recorded gunfights, the Cleric has determined that the geometric distribution of antagonists in any gun battle is a statistically predictable element. The gun kata treats the gun as a total weapon, each fluid position representing a maximum kill zone, inflicting maximum damage on the maximum number of opponents while keeping the defender clear of the statistically traditional trajectories of return fire. By the rote mastery of this art, your firing efficiency will rise by no less than 120%. The difference of a 63% increase to lethal proficiency makes the master of the gun katas an adversary not to be taken lightly.
-DuPoint, 'Equilibrium'

Danny Vermin: I got something to stop him.
Dutch: They made it for him special. It's an eighty-eight Magnum.
Danny Vermin: It shoots through schools.
-'Johnny Dangerously'


Hennessy: "Jesus old man, how many of those things you got???" (Pistols)
Wildmon: "Three. One shoulder, One Hip, and one right here next to Mister Wally. Most patdowns never reveal it as most agents are reluctant to feel up another man's groin."
-The Long Kiss Goodnight
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A true little story to go with it. A leadership exercise in a communication and critical thinking class. You may have taken part in it once. The situation is that in the group of of people you are in, you've gone down in the jungle, and it's 20 miles to Rio. The radio is broken, you've got a gun, a compass, a canteen, a first aid kit, a pack... and other assorted sundries you only have one or two of. Well, the whole class started arguing and going back and forth as to who was going to lead, what ought to be done, etc, etc. The entire time I've got my hand up, disgusted with the entire scene as no-one's going to get anywhere this way.

me: "Pardon me everyone. While you folks were ineffectively arguing, I've taken the gun. I'll be taking the compass and the first aid kit, along with the canteen and half the sandwiches and the map. If someone would like to come with me, that's fine. I'll start toward Rio and tell them our situation and have someone sent back as soon as possible."

Someone: "You can't just threaten all of us like that."

Me: "I certainly can."

Someone else. "You can't shoot all of us."

Me: "I don't HAVE to shoot all of you. Only the ones foolish enough to come at me. Dig?"

*Shocked silence from the room.*

Me: "Good. ^_^ Now. Who wants to come and actually help do something constructive?"

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Keep em comin' folks! Maybe we can get this one to be sticky like the Smuggler Chuckle thread on their board. Who's for it?

"Anyone else want to negotiate?"
-Korben Dallas, 'The Fifth Element'