Merchant Archive
Thread: The Truth™ about Cats & Dogs!
Cats and Dogs? My God, do we even have to compare the two? OBVIOUSLY, dogs are better. EVERYONE knows that. Let's go over the reasons why.
Cat owner's = evil, Dog owners = good: Some well known cat owners include Saddam Hussein, Adolph Hitler, Mike Tyson and Martha Stewart. See, cat owners are B@STARDS!!! Well known dog owners? None other than Mother Theresa, Billy Graham, Martin Luther King, and even Jesus! Yes, even Jesus, son of God. How can you not like dogs better than cats when Jesus had one? What are you, SOME KIND OF HEATHEN!?!
Dogs defend people: Have you heard of guard dogs? Don't you feel safer with a dog in the home? Even little dogs bark if someone tries to break in to give you a warning. Dogs = safety. What about cats? Did you ever see that Stephen King movie, "Cat's Eye"? In it, some people say cats steal people's breath. Is that what you want? To be sleeping and have some F#$%^#* cat STEAL YOUR BREATH!?! If so you deserve what you get!! What about man eating tigers? Have you heard of them? Do you want to be eaten by some f#$%!*^ species of cat? What are you, stupid???? Is that the type of behavior you want to reward in an animal?
Cats and dogs on TV: Let's say you are stuck in the woods. Your leg is caught in a bear trap. You're trapped. It's getting dark. No one knows where you are. Wouldn't you want to have a dependable border collie like Lassie getting you help? Here's an animal that has hundreds of episodes worth of lifesaving experience. Basically all he did ever week was get his stupid owner Timmy out of jams. This is like a day at the beach for Lassie. Or would you rather have Morris the cat help you? Yeah, big help he'd be. "Morris help me, my leg is in a bear trap. Help!" Here's Morris's response "Meow, meow, meow, meow." Translation "I'm a stupid cat who doesn't really understand what you're saying. Feed me and then I'll wander away and leave you to die! Then I'll come back and eat you after you're dead. I've always wanted to see what you tasted like." IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT??!?!?! TO HAVE YOUR ROTTING CARCASS EATEN BY YOUR PET?!?! THEN GET A CAT!!! BUT DON'T BLAME ME WHEN YOU DIE TRYING TO CHEW YOUR OWN LEG OFF TO GET OUT OF A BEAR TRAP!!!
Dogs are known as "Man's Best Friend": Do you know how long and hard they had to work to earn that title? There have literally been millions of species of animals, birds, insects, etc and yet dogs got the nod out of all of them. That's right, while cats were peeing on people's rugs, scratching up their furniture, and ignoring people when they call them dogs were working overtime. They were fetching papers, acting happy to see their masters, and wagging their tails every time someone even LOOKED in their directions. What about rewarding hard work? What about rewarding effort? Not picking dogs after all that work is just wrong! They've earned it!
So would you rather have a loyal, caring pet, an animal that has worked for more than 2 millenia to earn the title of man's best friend? Or on the other hand would you rather have a BREATH STEALING, ALMOST WILD ANIMAL THAT WOULD EAT YOU ALIVE IF IT COULD? For the love of God, CHOOSE DOGS!!!
NJ62 wrote:
You have to train dogs where to pee. Cats just know. It's like magic. Nuff said.
You have to train kids, too. What exactly does that say?
Mystyrys wrote:
My cat brings me presents. Dead mice. Dead crickets. Cat Yak. Hairballs. The stuffed toy Kitty he stole from the baby's crib 9 years ago and no matter how many times I hide it he still finds it...
But he thinks he's a dog too. He comes when he's called, he follows me everywhere, he cries and howls if he's left alone (or thinks he's been left alone),and he waits by the door and jumps all over me when I get home.
He also answers to Stupid, Cat and Get down from there! And he has totallly intimidated my 9 year old son. Poor kid. Backs away if the cat so much as looks at him funny.
My dog. Bleh. An 18 year old poodle my husband won't let me "trade in" on a Golden Retriever puppy.
We had a retriever once that if you said, "Fetch the Kitty!" she'd dash off, find our cat, pick it up in her mouth, bring it to you, drop it at your feet, and hold it down with her paw until you told her to let it go. That was awesome! And strangely, our cat seemed to think it was fun too. He'd smack the dog on the nose as soon as he was released and the chase was on...
*wants a new puppy*
