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Thread: Star Wars Episode IV: ANH, or: A Non-Pvp Hope
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Psiax
Tue Nov 09, 2004 8:59 pm
#1
SCENE 43
(The Battle rages over the Death Star as Luke Skywalker jets his trusty X-Wing down the canyon of the Death Star. Turrets blaze fire at him as he moves toward his target at the end of the canyon. Suddenly, Darth Vader swoops in behind him, two TIE fighters at his side. Vader gets Luke in his cross-hairs and prepars to fire, when suddenly a loud voice blares into his commlink):
Luke Skywalker: Dude !!?!
Darth Vader: Excuse me?
Luke Skywalker: Don't shoot me! I don't PvP!
Darth Vader: But you are in a PvP zone; you knew that you could be attacked coming in here. It is a war, after all.
Luke Skywalker: Look, Mister Vader, you are preventing me from experiencing the content of destroying this here Death Star.
Darth Vader: Oh? I hadn't realized.
Luke Skywalker: Yes. You see, it has always been my deepest desire to solo it, and then YOU come along with your friends and try to gank me.
Darth Vader: Gank!?! But it's the ru...
Luke Skywalker: Rules! I don't care about the rules! You are ruining my fun! I can't destroy it with you interfering, and if I can't solo it, how can I brag to my friends how uber leet I am? Go@@#m it, I want my master title!
Darth Vader: But...
Luke Skywalker: Look man, I pay $15 a month to sit in this here X-Wing, and if I can't do anything I want, I am canceling.
Darth Vader: Oh. Well since you put it that way, what do I need to do?
Luke Skywalker: Well, first, you need to get rid of all these fighters and turrets.
Darth Vader: Ok, sure, I'll get rid of the fighters.
Luke Skywalker: And the turrets.
Darth Vader: Ok, ok, the turrets, too, then.
(one of the pilots next to vader hits Luke's X-Wing with his blaster, taking out his rear shields)
Luke Skywalker: Griefer! I'm being Griefed!!!! Ban that guy immediately!
Darth Vader: Done. That ok??
(the TIE fighter explodes in a burst of lag)
Luke Skywalker: Boy Howdy! Now we're getting somewhere. Next, I need you to lower the hp of the Death Star; it is too hard.
Darth Vader: But it is the size of a small moon...
Luke Skywalker: I don't care! I can't spend an hour shooting at this thing, I have to check my harvesters and then go dance in the cantina.
(Vader sighs)
Darth Vader: Anything else?
Luke Skywalker: well, now that you mention...this thing spawns too often. Can you fix it so it appears on a 18.5 hour timer, and drops really uber loot, so that only I and my friends can get it?
Darth Vader: Oh yeah! Now you're talking. Not a problem at all.
Luke Skywalker: Great! well, if you wiil excuse me, I'm going to get on with destroying this thing.
Darth Vader: Sure, ok, well have fun!
(As Vader moves to leave, he accidentally hits his missile launcher. The missile slams into Luke's missing aft shields and tears through his ship, destroying it)
Luke Skywalker: YOU A%@&*^# !!!!!!!!!!!!!
(The remants of Luke's ship slam into the ventilation shaft at the end of the canyon, causing a massive chain reaction that blows the Death Star into billions of fragments)
Dath Vader: Oops.
THE END
(roll credits)
/satire off
Just imagine if you had seen THAT movie.
Enjoy yourselves, kiddies, I believe I'll be moving on.
(The Battle rages over the Death Star as Luke Skywalker jets his trusty X-Wing down the canyon of the Death Star. Turrets blaze fire at him as he moves toward his target at the end of the canyon. Suddenly, Darth Vader swoops in behind him, two TIE fighters at his side. Vader gets Luke in his cross-hairs and prepars to fire, when suddenly a loud voice blares into his commlink):
Luke Skywalker: Dude !!?!
Darth Vader: Excuse me?
Luke Skywalker: Don't shoot me! I don't PvP!
Darth Vader: But you are in a PvP zone; you knew that you could be attacked coming in here. It is a war, after all.
Luke Skywalker: Look, Mister Vader, you are preventing me from experiencing the content of destroying this here Death Star.
Darth Vader: Oh? I hadn't realized.
Luke Skywalker: Yes. You see, it has always been my deepest desire to solo it, and then YOU come along with your friends and try to gank me.
Darth Vader: Gank!?! But it's the ru...
Luke Skywalker: Rules! I don't care about the rules! You are ruining my fun! I can't destroy it with you interfering, and if I can't solo it, how can I brag to my friends how uber leet I am? Go@@#m it, I want my master title!
Darth Vader: But...
Luke Skywalker: Look man, I pay $15 a month to sit in this here X-Wing, and if I can't do anything I want, I am canceling.
Darth Vader: Oh. Well since you put it that way, what do I need to do?
Luke Skywalker: Well, first, you need to get rid of all these fighters and turrets.
Darth Vader: Ok, sure, I'll get rid of the fighters.
Luke Skywalker: And the turrets.
Darth Vader: Ok, ok, the turrets, too, then.
(one of the pilots next to vader hits Luke's X-Wing with his blaster, taking out his rear shields)
Luke Skywalker: Griefer! I'm being Griefed!!!! Ban that guy immediately!
Darth Vader: Done. That ok??
(the TIE fighter explodes in a burst of lag)
Luke Skywalker: Boy Howdy! Now we're getting somewhere. Next, I need you to lower the hp of the Death Star; it is too hard.
Darth Vader: But it is the size of a small moon...
Luke Skywalker: I don't care! I can't spend an hour shooting at this thing, I have to check my harvesters and then go dance in the cantina.
(Vader sighs)
Darth Vader: Anything else?
Luke Skywalker: well, now that you mention...this thing spawns too often. Can you fix it so it appears on a 18.5 hour timer, and drops really uber loot, so that only I and my friends can get it?
Darth Vader: Oh yeah! Now you're talking. Not a problem at all.
Luke Skywalker: Great! well, if you wiil excuse me, I'm going to get on with destroying this thing.
Darth Vader: Sure, ok, well have fun!
(As Vader moves to leave, he accidentally hits his missile launcher. The missile slams into Luke's missing aft shields and tears through his ship, destroying it)
Luke Skywalker: YOU A%@&*^# !!!!!!!!!!!!!
(The remants of Luke's ship slam into the ventilation shaft at the end of the canyon, causing a massive chain reaction that blows the Death Star into billions of fragments)
Dath Vader: Oops.
THE END
(roll credits)
/satire off
Just imagine if you had seen THAT movie.
Enjoy yourselves, kiddies, I believe I'll be moving on.
Message Edited by Psiax on 11-09-2004 08:54 PM
ZarcaneVah
Tue Nov 09, 2004 9:10 pm
#4
Down with ThunderHeart and his tree hugging hippies..... Hey Mr. Lucas, Star Wars has gone to crap, better start firing some idiots.....
LamirVargas
Tue Nov 09, 2004 9:22 pm
#5
Not being an absolute great PvPer and whilst not looking forward to making a trip where I would be ganked, I have to agree that removing the PvP from the Kessel area is stupid...
Quality post 5 *s for you 
Trouble is, the whole situation proves even more that the Combat Regrade will accomplish nothing, because it wasn't totally the devs fault that combat is the way it is now, it is partially/maybe more than partially the fault of whining players who moaned that their character was getting toasted by some other player with the flavor of the month profession.
Combat Regrade I fear will follow the same path, it'll probably be quite nice, then people will moan, things will get 'nerfed' (hate that word) and then everyone will be moaning that combat sucks... again.
"Everything is going to my Design"
a1davida1
Tue Nov 09, 2004 9:29 pm
#6
hahaha oh my god, that was great i was laughing so hard.
Message Edited by a1davida1 on 11-09-2004 10:40 PM
Cutedge
Tue Nov 09, 2004 9:53 pm
#10
Funny, but you're still missing the point. We're not asking for everything to be easier. We're asking for something to be managable at all. We're asking why people are thinking that blocking everyone else from getting to content that they have access to is viable.
We didn't want Kessel to be non-pvp. That's not what we were arguing for. If anything, a lot of us just wanted the damage reduction. However, this solution works. I'm sorry you're so upset about it. Deal with it.
SilverLobo
Tue Nov 09, 2004 9:59 pm
#11
I think he did deal with it by hitting the cancel subscribtion button.
Cutedge wrote:
Funny, but you're still missing the point. We're not asking for everything to be easier. We're asking for something to be managable at all. We're asking why people are thinking that blocking everyone else from getting to content that they have access to is viable.
We didn't want Kessel to be non-pvp. That's not what we were arguing for. If anything, a lot of us just wanted the damage reduction. However, this solution works. I'm sorry you're so upset about it. Deal with it.
Valancey
Tue Nov 09, 2004 10:05 pm
#13
a1davida1 wrote:
like hundreds of others will be doing.
Whatever you say. The devs would of lost more people by keeping the master missions the way they were, so I agree with their decision.
Message Edited by Valancey on 11-09-2004 09:17 PM
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