Game Guides Archive

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Just one creature was stirring, and clicking the mouse.
The stimpacks were hung from the backpacks with care,
Almost to master! Just need one more square!

The grinders kept grinding, ignoring their beds,
While visions of holocrons danced in their heads.
And Mamma in her fleshwrap and I in my composite
Had just settled down after a quick terminal deposit.

When up on the message boards came such a chatter
I flew to the site to see what was the matter.
Away into Windows I stole with a flash,
To read the new nerf, cost of 15 bucks cash.

The whiners already had cursed their new gun,
‘It’s nerfed beyond reason! This game is no fun!’
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But old SaintTiggs full of nerf cheer.

The SOE staff had their nerf bats at ready,
But the servers as always were not quite so steady.
More rapid than eagles the nerf lists they came,
And there was the update, and each nerf by name.

No med droids! No dancers! No Bounties or Armors!
No clothing! No pets and no lewt for lewt farmers!
By the end of the list, by the end of the post,
It was hard to tell who had been nerfed quite the most.

I quickly logged on and loaded my ranger,
But his items were gone and his stats were in danger.
My backpack was empty, my hides were gone too,
Everything had been nerfed from my helm to my shoe!

I clicked on a link and I wrote out a ticket,
In seconds the staff made it clear I could stick it.
I reported a bug: “This nerf must be a goof”
And suddenlyTiggs popped in with a POOF!

“We’ve nerfed the whole game to eliminate cheaters,
(Then she paused and ran back when he warped 50 meters)
We nerfed every Twi’lek and Mon Calamari,
We nerfed every stat and made customers sorry.”

“We made the Krayt Dragons less harmful than smurfs
and then we took care to nerf previous nerfs!
We nerfed Imps out on Bestine and Rebs out on Lok,
We nerfed all the flame guns and now they just smoke.”

Your once mighty carbines? Now barely can sting.
We nerfed every item! We nerfed everything!”
And as that old dev disappeared out of sight
She cried “15 bucks from all, and to all a nerf night!”