Dancer Archive
Thread: Girls, does it ever bother you?
Ka_ren
Mon Nov 29, 2004 11:20 am
#66
Shaizann wrote:
Interestingly, I'd be intereseted to know if any of the RL ladies here has tried to play a male toon. I can say that it's unlikely that anybody has ever said, "OMG, he's a girl..you...you...uh...Tina!" I've played female characters before and it provides an interesting perspective on things. I quickly learned that that killer flirt line most guys think they have, really sounds bad.I suggest that for an interesting sociology exercies that everyone take an opposite RL gender character up for at least a play session. It can be an interesting learning experince.
I think I've been accused of being a guy twice. Didn't really bother me much except for the one who kept follwoing me around. Addignore finally did the trick. As for playing a male, I tried that once for about a day. Too weird for me!
vthings
Mon Nov 29, 2004 2:28 pm
#67
I played a female Enchanter on EQ for a few weeks, mostly to see if I could get people to give me stuff which they did. It was funny getting marriage proposals (especially from gnomes)but I quickly grew bored with it and shelved the char, only using her to sell things because of her high charisma score. You can usually tell who the rl females are because they're clothes will change at least once a week, but that's more of a joke than a rule
I just assume the female toon is female-played unless I'm told otherwise. I spend most of my time around dancers just playing music and chatting away. I'm a hopeless flirt so I love having females around, wherever I am. Its funny, I once got called 'gay' by some uber-kiddie for being a musician and playing with girls. All I said was "Hmm, I spend all day surrounded by nearly naked ladies gyrating to my music while you go out into the woods to do who-knows-whatwith a bunch of large sweaty guys. Yeah, my sexuality should be the one called into question here."
Maybe I do explain things a lot, but I do that to everyone. I have no problem taking orders from a female group leader. I don't care the slightest that there are females out there tougher than me. I don't cyber or anything, seemsa little silly to me although I was propositioned once. Guys who get hung up on gender just haven't grown up enough to realize what their missing.
RareGem
Mon Nov 29, 2004 2:32 pm
#68
That was something one of my female toon / male RL friends said to me 
Better to be in the cantina with the girls and pleasant chat that out in the wild and l33t speak hehe
Tralmek
Mon Nov 29, 2004 6:29 pm
#69
JerethBane wrote:
It also raises a corollary question...what should one do if they are married? Being married and playing single can be quite the same as playing corss gendered. I guess in the end it's what you do with it.
Not really an answer to the question, but I do know a married couple in-game and both the husband & wife play female characters. The strangest thing for me out of all that was when the wife got married and her husband stood by as the Maid of Honor.
So far as playing a female character, I've done it before, but when asked, I make no secret of my RL gender. Actually, my first female character I took to 0040 Dance and then did TKM and Swordsman. It was fun going around and beating up on some of scum that made its way into the cantinas. (Led to a few proposals too... 
)
One of my good friends played a female character for awhile. He let people know about his behind the keyboard gender when they asked, but he never volunteered the information unsolicited...and he did a great job at playing a woman. When some of his long-term friends/guildmates realized that he was not really female, they made his life miserable in the game and he ended up quitting because of all the hatred toward him. 
Drygo
Mon Nov 29, 2004 7:59 pm
#70
To me, playing female would be no different than playing Bothan. I'm neither one in real life and all is fair in RP and gaming. For me, personally, though, I usually feel more comfortable playing male. There was a time, back in the olden days of the internet where MUDs were the primary form of multiperson computer gaming, where I'd often play female. I think I did so because I was new at the whole thing. I'm the farthest thing from an uber powergamer you could find (maybe, heh). And, because I didn't feel confident with my gaming skills, I'd play female because I quickly realized I got more help that way. 
Male characters seem to be very willing to help a newbie female character out, with info, gaming tips, and material posessions. And, I figured it was easier for me to "learn" how to do this gaming thing that way. heh.
As time went on, though, I also was able to see the "bad" side of playing female. The extra attention that I found useful in the beginning began to be a royal pain in the ass because that same attention often translated to being hit on, proposed to, and other lascivious types of male behavior.
I was, like, forget that, I'm going male. And, I almost 99% of the time play male these days. It just seems more natural to me to do so, and I don't like getting into a position where I have to "come out" as male. It's just way more trouble than it's worth and I don't like having to keep the secret. It shouldn't matter to people who are simply playing a game, but it does. And, as others have mentioned, as technology improves, there's the whole teamspeak thing. I mean, I'm really shy in real life and teamspeak is something that takes me a long while to get into, I often stay very silent. 
But, again, I don't need to get myself into a position where I've "made friends" with a large group of people as female and then have to one day say I'm male. I like to think the people I associate with wouldn't care too much. But, if I can avoid the whole uncomfortable situation I will.
But, again, I don't need to get myself into a position where I've "made friends" with a large group of people as female and then have to one day say I'm male. I like to think the people I associate with wouldn't care too much. But, if I can avoid the whole uncomfortable situation I will.And, I do *not* go into playing games looking for some type of mate or anything. I realize it's worked for people, and I've found people I've connected with on a deeper romantic level online before. It's never worked out long term, but I do believe it's possible. It's just that I figure there are other venues to pursue such a thing if I were interested in doing so. For me, an MMORPG isn't the place I want to be looking.
Unfortunately, though, sometimes other people pursue it with me. And, as Fuschia mentioned above, a line gets crossed when someone of one gender pretends to be another gender and then pursues a "relationship" that they try to take outside of game...emails, AIM, whatever the case may be. Fuschia knows, I've been burned that way before. And, it's really a terrible thing to do to somebody. When someone purposely takes things outside of game under the guise of being a different gender and interested in a relationship, and purposely plays with someone's emotions like that...well, it's sick and twisted, and these types of people deserve to burn in the pit of hell for all eternity...
Me bitter? no...rofl.
But, then again, I've learned from that particular experience, and it'll never happen to me again.
But, within the game, all is fair, and it shouldn't matter to anyone. And, if someone actually goes into a game looking for some sort of real life relationship or cyber sex or whatever the case, then really...they have nobody to blame but themselves when they discover the object of their affections is a different gender than one that they prefer, which is why I have never made any kind of "first move" towards that end. In fact, I don't even like to RP romantic relationships, it's just not something that is fun for me. Plus, I suppose, there's that little thing that I haven't exactly found any character of a gender that my character would like and vice versa.
Vorpaks
Tue Nov 30, 2004 1:28 am
#71
Akaara wrote:
Dreysander wrote:
.... wookies seem to have a thing for bothan.. /shudder
I hear that and have experienced this myself as a bothan female. LOL
There are waaaay too many fun things to respond to in this thread lol! As someone who plays both a wookiee and a
bothan I have noticed AND been guilty of this myself.
Sax has received quite a few below the belt comments andPaks often has to resist the urge to /cuddle.
As a femme wook Paks is mostly just assumed to be a male. I don't try to correct them because its harmless to them
and amusing to me.
When I do something like sit or get emoted usually people are so surprised I am an in game female they never think to ask if I am a RL female. The only time it upsets me is when its a male wook.
You'd think they would know better! And then after they find out you are a girl they usually immediately propose
marriage, which makes you want to beat them over the head with their own dismembered arm.
I avoided team speak for a long time just because it would prove I was a girl atually. I was irrationally afraid
that people would start treating me differently once they knew beyond a doubt I was female. I am cursed with the
voice of an eleven year old and usually spend more time giggling then talking. /rollseyes Paks is a very different
personality and I didn't want to loose her persona in the prejudices attached to a um, somewhat squeaky female
voice. Luckily I have awesome friends. Really awesome friends.
I have never noticed a difference in the way they treat me as a gamer or a friend. I probably will not join TS with strangers however. Better to keep them
guessing.
The times I do get asked "Are you a girl IRL" I will usually respond "Does it matter?" Then they are completely
convinced I am a guy, which is even more fun for me. As a shy heterosexual female I don't get to slay many dragons
for my gay friends "IRL" but Paks can do so with reckless abandon. And the way people respond is a very quick
litmus test of who is worthwhile and who is useless.
Overall I can't say it upsets me at all when I am assumed to be male.
I do admit to some weird double-standards myself though. Flirting is fun.
But I will usually only do so with guys I really trust or any girl I think is a RL girl, even if I don't trust her. There is probably some nasty
reason for that I'd rather not examine, so I've pretty much left that one as an instinctive reaction.
Edit: is it just me or is every thread broken recently?
Message Edited by Vorpaks on 11-29-2004 03:30 PM
JerethBane
Tue Nov 30, 2004 1:57 am
#72
FusciaD,
Unfortunately there exists a problem between lying and playing your character when it meets other people's hang ups.
Only a few people in my guild know that I am actually a guy. So, what happens if we get teamspeak and I have to clue those in who never figured it out or never bothered to ask? Now I have to worry that they will feel I was osmehow decieving them.
Now, I could go out an just tell them, but then I run the risk of breaking the character as it were. Will the treat me differently, will they treat my character differently?
Some say the omission of turth is a lie. Well, I have done my damndest to omit the truth of my offscreen gender. Am I now a liar?
It really is a rough road for the cross-gender player sometimes. If I announce that I am an offscreen male to every person I meet, then why am I playing a woman? If I wait to let people know my gender after I get to know them, will they feel betrayed that I wasn't more open in the beginning?
Generally I only "come out" as it were when I'm being hit on, and that has happened a few times. Almost invariably it has been a bad situation.
1) A guy was seriously into my character almost to the point of stalking. He got weirder after I let the bomb drop.
2) I was flirting with a female avater and he came out to me as a guy for steamy purpose, I responded with my true gender to put an end to that. The guy then somehow figured I was part of his tribe and morphed into the most disgusting mysoganist I have met in recent memory. Made me feel slimy to be near his character.
So really, what is someone to do?
It also raises a corollary question...what should one do if they are married? Being married and playing single can be quite the same as playing corss gendered. I guess in the end it's what you do with it.
Dreysander
Tue Nov 30, 2004 5:35 am
#73
"To me, playing female would be no different than playing Bothan. I'm neither one in real life and all is fair in RP and gaming."
Eh hem, I AM a Bothan in real life...
Eh hem, I AM a Bothan in real life...
Message Edited by Dreysander on 11-30-2004 04:36 AM
Serratia
Tue Nov 30, 2004 6:50 am
#74
It bothers me most when it's a question of competence - e.g. when people assume I am male IRL because I make a technical suggestion on how to fix a crash problem, or give someone combat advice. It is kind of funny, albeit in a sad way, when my female Master Dancer (or Master Doctor alt) charges in and beats the hell out of something that is attacking another player; the rescued player tends to be quite surprised.
It's just odd to me to think that anyone would actually think I'm male, as I always choose female avatars because I have trouble RPing a man of any species convincingly - I just don't *think* like they do! In fact, one of my friends told me he knew I was female IRL as soon as he saw the way I had arranged the furniture in my small house... <shrug>
In fact, one of my friends told me he knew I was female IRL as soon as he saw the way I had arranged the furniture in my small house... <shrug>
FuschiaD
Tue Nov 30, 2004 7:02 am
#75
JerethBane wrote:
Some say the omission of turth is a lie. Well, I have done my damndest to omit the truth of my offscreen gender. Am I now a liar?
Not at all. If you choose NOT to tell your gender, that is totally within the realm of RPG's and absolutely your own right. What I'm talking about are those who are asked their RL gender and choose to answer with a lie. It does happen, and when it does, people get burned.
It really is a rough road for the cross-gender player sometimes. If I announce that I am an offscreen male to every person I meet, then why am I playing a woman? If I wait to let people know my gender after I get to know them, will they feel betrayed that I wasn't more open in the beginning?
It only becomes important, IMO, if there is a friendship forged that goes beyond the limits of the game. It happens all the time. I can't tell you how many players I talk toover AIM. Drygo, whom I met in another game, is one of my best friends IRL. I'm going to visit him in March.
It also raises a corollary question...what should one do if they are married? Being married and playing single can be quite the same as playing corss gendered. I guess in the end it's what you do with it.
Like I said.... it's all about the line of RP versus RL. I live with my boyfriend IRL; he does not play the game. One of my characters is married. The other is recently single (Fuschia's wife left the game). If someone asks me if I'm taken, I answer in character first. If they persist, I tell them, very simply, that I'm taken. While I'm not opposed to internet dating, it's not why I'm playing the game, as I have a boyfriend already.
Ikewe
Tue Nov 30, 2004 12:30 pm
#76
I've never had someone accuse me of being a guy in RL, at least not that I have been aware of. However, when I first started playing SWG I gave one of the players I had met admin rights to my character's "house". I warned him that it was more of a storage unit and that he would have to sit on the floor. He went by to pick up some items while I was on vacation and when his RL wife looked over his shoulder at the lack of furniture and decoration she said "honey it's a guy." I have since met both of them in RL and we still laugh about it to this day. Interestingly enough they had a male friend who was running a female character. When he heard their "theory" he quickly set about decorating and furnishing his character's home.
At least on my server most of the men who are running a female character tend to be a lot more... let's say loose. I've hada fewpeople tell me that they knew I was a female in RL because I was not overly flirty.
As others have said, I have no idea why people even talk about our RL gender. If you aren't forming a friendship with someone then all you are doing is interacting with the character that you see presented before you. Noone would ever ask "hey are you a serial murderer in RL?" so why would they bother asking if I was a woman or not?
Try to hang in there and ignore those who would anger you in whatever silly way they think they can.
Cheers,
Ikewe
Tiaga
Tue Nov 30, 2004 4:08 pm
#77
I've never had someone accuse me of being a guy IRL.
Okay, joking aside... I started on MUDs, so got over this a long time ago. At one point, I thought I had a litmus test for who was played by a guy. Then I met my exception. She hit nearly every "guy" mark in my mind, but turned out not to be. Since then, I just treat people as they act. In a way, it has blurred the line between genders for me. I usually don't even think of it. I'll admit to being guilty to calling women "dude" at times. Not so much in game, but in RL. (Tiaga doesn't talk that way.) Not because I think the girls I see are really guys, but because I don't think about gender differences most the time. There are exceptions, but in general, that's how it is for me.
I'll never ask someone if they are really female. In some cases I know, but not because I asked. In some cases I don't know, and it doesn't really matter to me. All that matters to me is if they are someone I can enjoy playing a game with.
I do have another character I play, a little bothan with an attitude. He's quite a bit different than Tiaga. The only reason I mention him is something somewhat sad that happened. Being a bothan he barks at anyone given half a reason. Well, I was near a theater with him, after having taken his pet out for a "walk". (He's musician/CH.) Needing to take a moment to recover, I saw someone in the theater, I presume doing the quest, so decided to pop in and see if it was anyone I know. It wasn't, but it was another bothan, wich is half reason enough for a bark. Her reaction was to say "I'm married." That's all. Just a /bark, then her saying that. At first that really annoyed me. That was, at it's heart, quite sexist of her to assume because I was a guy I was hitting on her. As I thought about it though, it saddened me to think of the experiences she must have been through to become so jaded.
I certainly don't think SWG, or any similar game really, is a place to go to meet someone for a RL relationship. Treating it like it is just results in getting people upset, makeing people uncomfortable, and really a lot of what this thread is about. Not that you'll never meet someone because of a game. There are certainly stranger places to meet someone. It's no different than anywhere else really, just more is at stake since you are only meeting a part of them at a time, instead of all at once like if you bumped into them at the jiffy-lube waiting room, and likely you won't live anywhere near them.
Okay, joking aside... I started on MUDs, so got over this a long time ago. At one point, I thought I had a litmus test for who was played by a guy. Then I met my exception. She hit nearly every "guy" mark in my mind, but turned out not to be. Since then, I just treat people as they act. In a way, it has blurred the line between genders for me. I usually don't even think of it. I'll admit to being guilty to calling women "dude" at times. Not so much in game, but in RL. (Tiaga doesn't talk that way.) Not because I think the girls I see are really guys, but because I don't think about gender differences most the time. There are exceptions, but in general, that's how it is for me.
I'll never ask someone if they are really female. In some cases I know, but not because I asked. In some cases I don't know, and it doesn't really matter to me. All that matters to me is if they are someone I can enjoy playing a game with.
I do have another character I play, a little bothan with an attitude. He's quite a bit different than Tiaga. The only reason I mention him is something somewhat sad that happened. Being a bothan he barks at anyone given half a reason. Well, I was near a theater with him, after having taken his pet out for a "walk". (He's musician/CH.) Needing to take a moment to recover, I saw someone in the theater, I presume doing the quest, so decided to pop in and see if it was anyone I know. It wasn't, but it was another bothan, wich is half reason enough for a bark. Her reaction was to say "I'm married." That's all. Just a /bark, then her saying that. At first that really annoyed me. That was, at it's heart, quite sexist of her to assume because I was a guy I was hitting on her. As I thought about it though, it saddened me to think of the experiences she must have been through to become so jaded.
I certainly don't think SWG, or any similar game really, is a place to go to meet someone for a RL relationship. Treating it like it is just results in getting people upset, makeing people uncomfortable, and really a lot of what this thread is about. Not that you'll never meet someone because of a game. There are certainly stranger places to meet someone. It's no different than anywhere else really, just more is at stake since you are only meeting a part of them at a time, instead of all at once like if you bumped into them at the jiffy-lube waiting room, and likely you won't live anywhere near them.