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Thread: A chuckle for the smuggler
Last night I get a tell from out of the blue.
"I want to be a drug pusher. How can I be a drug pusher? Someone said I can make money this way."
So I respond, "I sell spice, not drugs. You're welcome to buy them from my vendor."
He says, "Can I make money doing that?"
I respond, "You can probably make more money doing missions."
He says, "But I want to be a pusher."
I respond, "Fine, here's my waypoint."
He says, "Where is that?"
I respond, "South of Bestine. What planet are you on?"
He says, "Rori"
I respond, "Ok, no wonder. I'm on Tatooine. You sure you want to come all the way here?"
He says, "Yes, if I can make money."
I respond, "Suit yourself."
So about 30 minutes later "The Pusher" makes it tomy vendor and I walk him through how to buy something from it. He buys one Neutron Pixie and one Thruster Head, then I get the following tell.
"Do you think I can sell this in Mos Eisley?"
By this time I'm laughing so hard, I can't even remember how to /ignore someone. Do you have a similar story to tell?
guy:"Hey I want my weapon sliced"
me:"Excellent, I can help you out there"
guy:" I want a good slice!"
me: "I want to give you a good slice, however you have to remember, it's random and I have little control over how it will turn out."
guy:"I want 30% Damage"
me:"Like I said it's random, and I can't choose damage over speed, that is random as well."
guy:"Master Smuggler can."
me:"No, a Master Smuggler will have a chance to get you a higher slice than I can,but he also has a chance to go lower than me."
guy:"Okay, do it for Damage"
me;"Sigh, I can't slice it for damage, it might be speed, as I said before it's random. I can sell you some PowerUps that will increase your Damage by 33% for 100 uses."
guy:" yah yah! Thats good, how long do they last?"
me:"Um, 100 uses."
guy:"Okay slice my weapon and give me 2 PowerUps."
me:"27% speed increase"(ofcourse..it was fate!)
guy:"Awww..I told you damage!, It was already fast!"
me:"Yeah, I got the hint, sorry, told you it was random, here's your weapon"
guy"**edit**! You made it slower!!!"
me:"How so?"
guy:"It used to be 3.8 speed, now it's 2.3"
me:"yeah, umm...would you rather the rifle fire once every 3.8 seconds or once every 2.3 seconds?"
guy"Oh...right, can you slice it for 30% Damage now?"
me: /ignore guy
rofl thats pretty funny
I had a similar case where this guy just couldn't understand how the skill trees worked, and what skills he needed to become a smuggler. After 20 mins of explaining he just gave up and walked off...lol
Great stuff! Hears another one:
I'm trying to get into town when a group of aggro Valarian scouts pop upall around me. I'm not wearing armor or anything, put managed to pop a pixie then proceeded to pile the corpses. I stroll into town and someone comes up and asks about spice.
"Are the side effects really bad?"
Naturally the next thing you see is "You Puke."
ARGH! I hate those jerks who keep talking to you about stuff like that. So far everyone I have encountered has been knowledgable about what slicers can and cannot do. I have had problems with jerks like that as an Architect, so I'll share that story.
Dude: Hi, do you sell harvesters?
Me: Yes, but I am busy e-mail me what you want, and I'll get back to you.
Dude: What kind of harvesters?
Me: E-mail me please.
Dude: How much do you sell them for?
Me: E-mail me I said. Depends on the harvester.
Dude: Really? Well, how much do you sell them for?
Me: E-MAIL ME.
Dude: I want one of those big ones, and it can't cost more than 11k, because I saw this dude selling them for that, so I won't take it if it isn't that. Do you sell them for that?
Me: E-MAIL ME IF YOU WANT SOMETHING!
Dude: Well can you or not you dumb architect?
Me: /ignore Dude
He was the worst person I have ever met. If he freaking listened to me in the first place I would have not had to deal with that. I wouldn't have sold anything to him, because 11k is WAY TOO small of a price for a Large Harvester. He was the biggest idiot I have ever met, anywhere.
This one happened to me yesterday.
Idiot_01: Hey you.
Me: Yes?
Idiot_01: Slice my container.
Me: Umm okay. I am a master and charge 3k. You should probably go to someone who needs the exp they will do it for free.
Idiot_01: I got money I will pay where are you.
Me at this point wonderin how he found me: In AH by the bank for a few minutes. (BTW if he searched the community thing it should have told him I was in AH)
Idiot_01: Okay brt.
Idiot_01 arrives
Me: Are you sure you want to pay 3k to have your container sliced?
Idiot_01: yes do it.
I slice its empty but I just have nothing on me to throw in it. (It was an hour before I was gonna log.)
Idiot_01 recieves empty container and pays 3k.
Idiot_01: Its empty man.
Me: yes I know. I am sorry.
Idiot_01: That wasn't worth 3k.
Me: I know I told you to take it to someone who wanted the exp they would do it for free.
/addignore idiot_01
I was sitting in the Hospital and there were no Doctors/Medics. My wounds were all under 30, so I decided to wait it out, as I had some email to take care of anyhow. A very lost-looking newb came in and sat down next to me. I should not before hand that I clearly had wounds, was not healing myself, and had Novice Marksman above my name.
Newb: hey give me heal??
Me: Sorry, I can't. I'm not a Medic.
Newb: oh. how do you get medic?
Me: You have to train in it, just like Marksman or Brawler.
Newb: oh! im a marksman!!!!
Me: That's nice.
Newb: how do i cure battle fatige?
That went on for about twenty minutes until I was done with my mail and healed up. Over the course of that time I told him I was going for Smuggler.
Newb: cool can u slice my weapn?
Me: I'm not a Smuggler yet, and even when I get there I will have to learn the skills first.
Newb: cool i will look 4 u later so you can slice it
Me: I might not be able to get there for a while yet. Maybe next week I will be doing Weapon Slicing, but not well.
Newb: i have a DL44 and it needs a slice!!!! lol
Me: That's nice.
He sent me /tells for the next five days every time I was on asking if I could slice his weapon yet. No good deed goes unpunished.
Heres the funniest of them all:
Me: /yell Make that slice count! Get the 100% success rate you want! Selling Molecular clamps 14k per crate.
Bozo#1: How man clamps are in a crate?
Me: 25
Bozo#1: You know the smugglers in this town sell for much cheaper, 12.5k per crate.
Me: Ok, i can give you the same deal.
So the conversation goes on for a couple more seconds about clamp pricing.
Here comes the funny part:
Me: <auction spam> again.
Bozo#2: There are 3 smugglers that run this town and WE set the prices!
Me: um, ok.
Me: <spam again> crates for 11k.
I about fell over laughing at this. This will go down in my "omfg, this is so stupid its funny" book.
LOL. This is why I do not advertise or want to be a slicer full-time. I quickly found that out after hitting Slice II.
If someone seeks me out, they are usually knowledgeable about slicing. I even get referalls from people which is really nice. I answer their questions and it goes smoothly.
Then there's the guy... who couldn't operate a trade window to save his life, then hands you the weapon still equiped after you told him a thousand and one times to unequipe everything that needs to be sliced. I'm a patient guy, but it really makes me thinkfighting Krayt Dragonswould be easier.
Me: -Slicing spam-
Him: I have containers
Me: Great, where are you?
Him: Bank
Me: Ok, hand me the containers.
Me: Sorry I failed 3. Luck of the draw.
Him: **edit**?!11 They arent unlocked!
Me: Yup, failed 3.
Him: Im not paying for this sh**
Me: Great, Im not charging.
Him: You are a f*g1 Im not paying for this.
Me: Excellent I dont want money.
Him: Man this is gay. *Tips Me 500*
Me: Uh.... Have a nice day?