Teras Kasi Archive
Thread: Would like opinions on the baground story I have written for my character
I thought it my be fun to follow a story line for my character's Teras Kasi training. It is an attempt to "create my own content" as it were. The prologue is hosted on the web, while the current story is in my character bio. So, you shoud read the website first to get the background story. My current character bio reads like this:
The complete biography of Sea-to Hidal may be found at http://home.earthlink.net/~seant9/sea-to_bio.htm on the Holonet.
Upon discovering his deceased father's personal journal, Sea-to has discovered the truth behind his father's death. He must now follow his father's footsteps in the ways of the Teras Kasi in order stop his evil half-brother, the dark jedi Zen-ka Shadowbane, from further abusing the Force to harm others. Zen-ka seeks one thing, to gain favor with the dark Lord of the Sith Darth Sidious. Sea-to has risen in the ranks of the rebellion in order to help stop the Emperor's rule and hopefully find and destroy the twisted Zen-ka, as well as any other dark Jedi he encounters.
Sea-to currently resides in Dearic, Talus where he studies with Teras Kasi master Lawwe Ithic in his secret Cantina training hall. He also is continuing his education in medicine, in pursuit of becoming a great physician like his father.
What do you think? Any suggestions for the story?
You need the word bling in there.. Personally with my bio I tried to associate the starwariness of bling. Here is a way you could incorporate it into your bio:
Upon discovering his father's bling sea-to decided to bling down the path to be a Teras Kasi Bling Master. Blah blah blah in order to stop the Dark Jedi Bling. Now he beats the bling out of people in order to achieve a higher bling rating. He is best known for his battlecry "Tell me you can't look at the ice around my neck and say I'm not blinging"
Merc
My suggestions: separate yourself more from the main characters of Star Wars. You can have Jedi in your past, as long as you don't set yourself up to be a main part of the happenings of the universe. The overall story is good, but try to change some of the details that look forced. Rather than "My father was killed by Jedi, and he hunted Jedi. I will kill the Jedi that killed him and forever hunt their order. That man is my half brother, who is training under the Emperor." Remove it a little with something like:
"My mother told me stories of my father's warrior ways. He was killed by a mysterious man when I was only an infant. I feel I have his guidance still, and wish to become a warrior to make him proud."
This makes sure you don't know any of the details you couldn't have known, and it doesn't look so fantastic. You can develop the hatred of Jedi in game, after appropriate encounters, and can slowly research your father (or explain you have been slowly researching your father). This way, it's not so obvious you are the author and would know all the details, but you are a character whose father is a mystery. As it looks, you spent no effort in finding this out about your father, and it is only a convenient excuse and thin veil over a skill tree.
IMHO, your story is good. You gave it thought and developed it. The good thing about imagination is that you get to do with it whatever you want. If you are happy with your story stick with it.
The only problem I see is with the horned twilecks or half zbrack/twilecks. While cool looking you cannot have your character look like that in game. At least not that i know of. LOL!
Great suggestions, and I see your point. On my next day off I will tweak the story a bit. I think the part about the dark jedi seeking favor with the emperor is reasonable, but I can see there was really no reason to have obi wan in there. I think it sounds a little forced because I was trying to make it as short as possible. It would be cool if I could find a Force sensitve character to play my evil half brother, but I don't think that will happen
Sahnd wrote:
The problem many people have with their character backgrounds is realism. I'm not saying real life, I'm saying Star Wars realistic. Including yourself in with any of the main characters, such as your 2-step connection to the Emperor and Obi-Wan, looks forced and facetious. Playing too heavily with Jedi and the Force also approaches the unbelievable.
My suggestions: separate yourself more from the main characters of Star Wars. You can have Jedi in your past, as long as you don't set yourself up to be a main part of the happenings of the universe. The overall story is good, but try to change some of the details that look forced. Rather than "My father was killed by Jedi, and he hunted Jedi. I will kill the Jedi that killed him and forever hunt their order. That man is my half brother, who is training under the Emperor." Remove it a little with something like:
"My mother told me stories of my father's warrior ways. He was killed by a mysterious man when I was only an infant. I feel I have his guidance still, and wish to become a warrior to make him proud."
This makes sure you don't know any of the details you couldn't have known, and it doesn't look so fantastic. You can develop the hatred of Jedi in game, after appropriate encounters, and can slowly research your father (or explain you have been slowly researching your father). This way, it's not so obvious you are the author and would know all the details, but you are a character whose father is a mystery. As it looks, you spent no effort in finding this out about your father, and it is only a convenient excuse and thin veil over a skill tree.
that's a cool idea: using your bio to tell an ongoing story, and keeping a cache of your previous bios on a website, sort of a conglomeration of the story to date
i was going to do something like that, but i just like my current bio so much that i can't change it it's not a backstory really, not a summary of my char's life/training/etc; it's just a slice that i feel encompasses her personality, and provides a little explanation for why she is the way she is.
i wish there was an in-game journal you could use. that would really facilitate story-telling, like a multi part bio!