Tailor Archive
Thread: The Cheese... err Tailor Shop
This was inspired by an actual transcript that a friend showed me about an encounter that she had with a customer. Seeing that really drove home the silliness of some of this stuff, so hopefully this will serve to amuse.
Customer: Good morning
Tailor: Good morning ma’am. Welcome to my tailor shop.
Customer: Ah, thank you.
Tailor: What can I do for you ma’am?
Customer: Well, I was trapped at the starport, unable to leave, and reading up on how to slice. You see I am a re-spec smuggler who also runs a bakery. And I suddenly got an urge to adorn myself in some fashionable bio-wearables.
Tailor: Come again?
Customer: I’d like to buy some bio-clothing that makes me look good.
Tailor: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the mandoviol player.
Customer: Oh, heaven forbid. I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Tatooine muse. However I can’t seem to hear him anyway.
Tailor: Do you have some kind of hearing disorder? He’s standing right in front of you.
Customer: No, I can hear fine, I can hear you fine, I just can’t hear him. It’s like he’s "too far away" or something.
Tailor: Strange. So he can keep on playing, can he?
Customer: Most certainly. Now then, some bio clothing hun.
Tailor: Certainly ma’am, what would you like?
Customer: I’d like a blouse that could help me out with my surveying.
Tailor: I’m afraid I’m fresh out of that ma’am. It requires mollusk (and reportedly doesn’t work) so I rarely have any in stock. I also can’t put that bonus in a blouse.
Customer: Oh never mind, how about something for my baking. How are you on food experimentation?
Tailor: I’m afraid we don’t offer that ma’am.
Customer: Tish tish. No matter. One revealing skirtwith food assembly bonus then if you please.
Tailor: Ah. It’s been on order, ma’am for two weeks, but my bio-engineer cannot seem to supply me that one.
Customer: It’s not my lucky day, is it? Artisan experimentation then.
Tailor: Sorry ma’am.
Customer: Artisan assembly?
Tailor: I’m afraid not.
Customer: Merchant bonuses then. Bonuses to hiring?
Tailor: Sorry.
Customer: Bonuses to advertising?
Tailor: no.
Customer: Bonuses to merchant effeciency?
Tailor: no.
Customer: Additional vendors?
Tailor: no
Customer: Surely something for smugglers then. Slicing?
Tailor: no
Customer: Spices
Tailor: no
Customer: Feign death?
Tailor: no
Customer: Melee Defense?
Tailor: ah, we have melee defense, yes ma’am
Customer: You Do! Excellent.
Tailor: It doesn’t work very well though ma’am
Customer: That’s ok, any help I can get there is fine. Fetch me a revealing top with the melee defense bonus.
Tailor: I’m afraid it probably isn’t going to work as well as you’d like it to ma’am.
Customer: I don’t care how f***ing well it works hand it over with all speed.
Tailor: well actually it doesn’t seem to work at all ma’am, and I can’t put it in a revealing top anyway.
Customer: /sigh
Customer: pistol speed?
Tailor: no
Customer: you do have some bio clothing here don’t you?
Tailor: yes ma’am it is a clothing store, we’ve got…
Customer: no no, don’t tell me, I’m keen to guess
Tailor: fair enough
Customer: pistol accuracy?
Tailor: no
Customer: creature taming? I’d love to be able to tame my own non-ch creatures.
Tailor: we don’t get much call for that around here ma’am. Creatures got nerfed and nobody wants them anymore.
Customer: well what does get a lot of call from people around here?
Tailor: general ranged accuracy ma’am.
Customer:Does it?
Tailor: yes ma’am, it’s staggeringly popular, we get requests for it all the time.
Customer: All right. Have you got that in a pair of comfortable slacks, expecting the answer no?
Tailor: No ma’am, we can’t make it, and if we could we probably couldn’t put it into a pair of comfortable slacks.
Customer: This is a clothing shop isn’t it?
Tailor: finest on the planet ma’am.
Customer: Well it’s certainly not overstocked with useful clothing.
Tailor: you haven’t asked me about terrain negotiation ma’am.
Customer: Have you… SHUT THAT BLOODY MANDOVIAL UP
Tailor: I thought you couldn’t hear him ma’am.
Customer: I can’t, but seeing him there playing silently is starting to annoy me.
Customer: Now… have you got any terrain negotiation that you can put into a nice bustier for me?
Tailor: No.
Customer: That figures. Predictable really, it was an act of purist optimism to pose the question in the first place. Tell me…
Tailor: yes ma’am
Customer: Do you in fact have any bonus that would be useful to me, that you could put into anything that I would wear: dresses, skirts, tops, jeans, headdresses, jewelry, boots, dress slippers, anything at all?
Tailor: Yes ma’am
Customer: really?
(pause)
Tailor: No ma’am, not really. Not a thing. I was deliberately wasting your time.
Customer: Well I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to shoot you.
Tailor: Right-o ma’am, it should only take one hit to kill me.
yes I was milking, I wanted to make a full run of defense tissues
so I banned her from my shop (I wasn't kidding when I said I don't want her business!) she came by again, probably thought she's bugged, relogged, realized she's still blocked, leaves, then sends me a nasty email (since I unignored her thinking she was cursing up a storm outside my shop and didn't want to miss the show), then a militia member of my city informed me that she was spamming in bestine telling people not to go to my shop because she was banned. I got stuck on corellia and naboo when I was trying to fly around and see if she's still spamming (so I can report her)here's the email:
lucky for you this is the last time i will send you anythin. Not only do you have no clue how to run a business, you are rude. I never meant for this to be personal,I only told you that you had bad business practices. When a person offers to spend 1 mill in exchange for returning an unused item you say yes you idiot. That is shear stupidity. I let that go since you clearly stated that you don;t care about your customers. I even apoligized since you said that. Your invited me personly here in the first place. Thank God you are not the only tailor. When i tried repeatedly to explain basic business to you you took it personally because you are obviously a spoiled rich child as you stated. I am goign to make it my persoanl endevor to let everyone know that you haev a crappy business. So far I know at least 20 that will never buy form you again.
I hope your business drops dead.
Message Edited by Pappi on 05-12-2005 12:33 PM
#1 Funny! *still giggling*
#2 Pappi. /comfort Too many people like the one in your screenshot is exactly why I do NOT do BE clothes. Good grief! 
Pappi wrote:
.......
Jutewr wrote:
Pappi wrote:
.......
rofl That's great! I especially like the random tell from that other person, followed by "Your harrassment report has been successfully filed..." Had to deal with two at once, huh?
that's my reflexes at work, report first ask later
as for customers like these, I have plenty. I got more stories under my lekku
I posted a few on the old gotta love this thread, but I have a ton more now that I'm well off and don't need the money. I turn people away from my shop, and they get confused
Gyopi wrote:
That....was beautiful!I would give you 5 stars but we are fresh out of those too. The Pythons would be proud.
Message Edited by Gyopi on 05-12-2005 01:31 PM
QFE
and a /comfort for Pappi