Smuggler Archive
Thread: The Dead SWG Sketch
Mr. Praline: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner does not respond.)
Mr. Praline: 'Ello, Miss?
Owner: What do you mean "miss"?
Mr. Praline: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
Owner: We're closin' for lunch.
Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complaint about thisgame what I purchased not half an hour ago from thisvery boutique.
Owner: Oh yes, uh, Star Wars Galaxies...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
Owner: No, no, it's uh,...it's resting.
Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a deadgame when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Owner: No no it's not dead, it's, it's restin'! Remarkablegame Star Wars Galaxies, idn'it, ay? Beautiful graphics!
Mr. Praline: The graphics don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
Owner: Nononono, no, no! It's resting!
Mr. Praline: All right then, if it's restin', I'll wakeit up! (shouting at the box) 'Ello, SOE! I've got a lovely$15 a month subscription for you!
(owner hits the box)
Owner: There,it moved!
Mr. Praline: No,it didn't, that was you hitting the box!
Owner: I never!!
Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!
Owner: I never, never did anything...
Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting thebox repeatedly) 'ELLO SOE!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(TakesCD out of thebox and thumps its hard on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
Mr. Praline: Now that's what I call a dead game.
Owner: No, no.....No, it's stunned!
Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?
Owner: Yeah! You stunned it, just asit was wakin' up! Star Wars Galaxies' stun easily, major.
Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. Thatgame is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged gaming session.
Owner: Well, it's...it's, ah...probably pining for theglory days.
Mr. Praline: PININ' for the GLORY DAYS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why didit fall flat on his back the moment I gotit home?
Owner: Star Wars Galaxies prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable game, id'nit, squire? Lovely graphics!
Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining thatgame when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sittingin the game chartsin thefirst place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed thatgame down, it would haveflown off the shelves
VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this game wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! It's bleedin' demised!
Owner: No no! It's pining!
Mr. Praline: It's not pinin'! It's passed on! Thisgame is no more!It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet its maker! It's a stiff! Bereft of life,Itrests in peace! If you hadn't nailedIt to theshelf It'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Its metabolic processes are now 'istory! It's off the twig! It's kicked the bucket, It's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-GAME!!
(pause)
Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. How about a copy of WOW
Mr. Praline: F*CK OFF.
Message Edited by Mystique2000uk on 09-09-2005 12:47 PM
[awkward pause]
Guest: And... we... have a train to catch.
Wife: Yes... of course. We have a train to catch. And I don't want to start bleeding over the seats.
WesBelden wrote:
Monty Python Online anyone?
now THATS a game!
groundcrew wrote:
WesBelden wrote:
Monty Python Online anyone?
now THATS a game!
Nah there would be too much spam......
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