Smuggler Archive

{{Holonet Brief}}

{{Another lightsaber related death tonight, but this one with a twist. Keck Frame, local entrepreneur and suspected spice addict was apparently attempting to construct a lightsaber, weapon of the Jedi. Who, despite what you may think, are extinct. Completely wiped from the universe. They do NOT exist. Why would the Emperor lie to you? Forensics experts determined that apparently Keck was having trouble getting the saber to ignite, and was taking a close look at the focusing crystal, when the saber activated, shooting straight through his eye, and out the back of his head. An apparently intoxicated old man, claiming to be an expert on such matters, had this to say: “I TOLD him that he still had two more missions to do before he could even think about building a lightsaber! He went and did it anyway, saying that he had enough experience, and that was all that mattered! HE WAS WRONG! WHY OH WHY DIDN’T HE KILL JUST A FEW MORE SITH! THEN HE WOULD HAVE KNOWN HOW TO BUILD A LIGHTSABER!” Authorities discovered that the old man was wanted by the Empire for luring young boys to a place he called “Aurillia,” where he gave them an alcoholic drink he called “Jedi juice,” and attempted to seduce them. He will be executed in the morning after a speedy trial in which he will be found guilty.}}

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