Smuggler Archive
Thread: To lighten the mood......Life of (Br)ian
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Ferrer_Roberts
Fri Jul 22, 2005 8:08 am
#1
(TheForum Place. A DEV stands there, with TH&Tiggs, confronting the potential victim, M A C G R E G O R. A large crowd watches. 90% are Jedi in beards. Around the perimeter are 16 BH, drooling and twitching, knuckles scraping the pavement.)
DEV: MacGregor, son of Deuteronomy of Lok ...
MacGregor: (to DEV Helper TH): Do I say "Yes"?
TH:Yes.
MacGregor: Yes.
DEV:You have been found guilty by the Producers of the game of uttering thename of yourchosen proffesion in game and so as a blasphemer you are to be pharpledto death.
MacGregor: Look, I'd had a lovely loot run, got a featherwt trigger assembly and all I said to my guildie was, "That piece of loot will allow me to use my SMUGGLER slicing skills now"
Tiggs: Blasphemy! He's said it again.
JEDI: Yes, he did.
DEV: Did you hear him?
Jedi: Yes we did.Really.
(Several state effects go off in crowd, and a few low hums canbeheard in the background)
DEV: (suspiciously) Are there any Jedi here today?
(The Jedi all shake their heads. The DEV faces MacGregor again.)
DEV: Very well, by virtue of the authority vested in me ...
(One of the JEDI throws a Pharple and it hits MacGregor on the knee.)
MacGregor: Och. Lay owff. We havenna started yet.
DEV: (turning around) Come on, who threw that?
(Silence.)
DEV: Who threw that Pharple? Come on.
Jedi: (pointing to the culprit, keeping their voices as low in whineyness as they can)
he did.
*He did.*
He. Him.
Culprit: (very deep voice) Sorry, I thought we'd started.
DEV: Go to the Ryyatt Trail.
Culprit: Oh dear.
(disappointedly goes off to Starport)
DEV: There's always one, isn't there? Now, where were we? ...
MacGregor: Look. I dann'a think it oot to be blasphemy, joost saying"SMUGGLER!, I couldhav'e said SMUGGLER RE-VAMP"
(Sensation!!!!The JEDI gasp.)
Jedi: (whiney high voices) He said it again.
(low voices)He said it again.
DEV: (to MacGregor) You're only making it worse for yourself.
MacGregor: Making it worse? How cannae it be making it worse? SMUGGLER, SMUGGLER,
DEV: (suspiciously) Are there any Jedi here today?
(The Jedi all shake their heads. The DEV faces MacGregor again.)
DEV: Very well, by virtue of the authority vested in me ...
(One of the JEDI throws a Pharple and it hits MacGregor on the knee.)
MacGregor: Och. Lay owff. We havenna started yet.
DEV: (turning around) Come on, who threw that?
(Silence.)
DEV: Who threw that Pharple? Come on.
Jedi: (pointing to the culprit, keeping their voices as low in whineyness as they can)
he did.
*He did.*
He. Him.
Culprit: (very deep voice) Sorry, I thought we'd started.
DEV: Go to the Ryyatt Trail.
Culprit: Oh dear.
(disappointedly goes off to Starport)
DEV: There's always one, isn't there? Now, where were we? ...
MacGregor: Look. I dann'a think it oot to be blasphemy, joost saying"SMUGGLER!, I couldhav'e said SMUGGLER RE-VAMP"
(Sensation!!!!The JEDI gasp.)
Jedi: (whiney high voices) He said it again.
(low voices)He said it again.
DEV: (to MacGregor) You're only making it worse for yourself.
MacGregor: Making it worse? How cannae it be making it worse? SMUGGLER, SMUGGLER,
I cannaeeven Smuggle.
(Great Sensation!!!!!!)
DEV: I'm warning you. If you say "SMUGGLER or RE-VAMP" once more ...
(DEV gasps at his error and claps his hand over his mouth. A Pharplehits him on the side of the head. He reacts.)
Right! Who threw that?
Jedi: (whiney high voices)
It was her.
It was *her*.
(low voices)
It was her.
DEV: Was it you?
Culprit: Yes.
DEV: All right.
Culprit: Well, you did say "SMUGGLER AND RE-VAMP."
(The Jedi all shriek and throw pharples at the Padawan from very close range. She falls
to the ground stunned andincapped. Quick cut of BH reacting. They shake their heads and mutter to each other and all 16 of them insta Death Blow the Padawan in a hail of shots.)
DEV: Stop that. Stop it, will you stop that. Now look, no one is toPharple anyone until I blow this Fanfar. *Even*...and I want tomake this absolutely clear...*even* if they *do* say "SMUGGLER or RE-VAMP."
(There is a pause. Then all the Jedi throw Pharples at the DEV and hegoes down in a heap. Five Jedi carry a huge pie, run up and drop it on the DEV. Everyone claps. MacGregor loots the dev of a huge Krayt Premium Pearl, flips the back of his kilt up and moons everyone and runs off, The BH sadly shake their heads and begin rapid fire bursts into the Jedi.)
(Great Sensation!!!!!!)
DEV: I'm warning you. If you say "SMUGGLER or RE-VAMP" once more ...
(DEV gasps at his error and claps his hand over his mouth. A Pharplehits him on the side of the head. He reacts.)
Right! Who threw that?
Jedi: (whiney high voices)
It was her.
It was *her*.
(low voices)
It was her.
DEV: Was it you?
Culprit: Yes.
DEV: All right.
Culprit: Well, you did say "SMUGGLER AND RE-VAMP."
(The Jedi all shriek and throw pharples at the Padawan from very close range. She falls
to the ground stunned andincapped. Quick cut of BH reacting. They shake their heads and mutter to each other and all 16 of them insta Death Blow the Padawan in a hail of shots.)
DEV: Stop that. Stop it, will you stop that. Now look, no one is toPharple anyone until I blow this Fanfar. *Even*...and I want tomake this absolutely clear...*even* if they *do* say "SMUGGLER or RE-VAMP."
(There is a pause. Then all the Jedi throw Pharples at the DEV and hegoes down in a heap. Five Jedi carry a huge pie, run up and drop it on the DEV. Everyone claps. MacGregor loots the dev of a huge Krayt Premium Pearl, flips the back of his kilt up and moons everyone and runs off, The BH sadly shake their heads and begin rapid fire bursts into the Jedi.)
--------------------
Any resembalance to persons living or dead is co-incidental 
Ferrer
Chemistrius
Fri Jul 22, 2005 8:12 am
#2
Ahh good stuff.
Montey Python applies to so many things; those guys were true geniuses.
Montey Python applies to so many things; those guys were true geniuses.
WILDMAN_SOLO
Fri Jul 22, 2005 8:14 am
#4
reminds me I must remeber to tell Centurian Bigus Dickus to get the holy handgrenade of Antioch ready and primed for action
BaronJuJu
Fri Jul 22, 2005 8:15 am
#5
ROFL
/whipes away tears
Thanks....that was a much needed laugh there.
That is the best scene in that movie....gonna have to go online and buy it now.
AngusMacGregor
Fri Jul 22, 2005 8:15 am
#6
What makes it especially funny is this...
... my name really is Brian. 
BaronJuJu
Fri Jul 22, 2005 8:17 am
#7
Maybe we can get the Jedi to recreate the "People's Front of Judeah Suicide Squad" scene at the end for us and have them all delete there accounts in unison! That would be a hoot!
Chemistrius
Fri Jul 22, 2005 8:22 am
#9
BaronJuJu wrote:
Maybe we can get the Jedi to recreate the "People's Front of Judeah Suicide Squad" scene at the end for us and have them all delete there accounts in unison! That would be a hoot!
I thought it was the Judean people's front...
Ferrer_Roberts
Fri Jul 22, 2005 8:24 am
#10
I hope i did not cause any offence Brian and sorry for my bad scottish
I was going to do the "Hes not the mesiah hes a very naughty smuggler" one or "This game is dead - No its not its resting,"
For all you MP fans this site has loadsa stuff including scripts.
http://www.intriguing.com/mp/
Ferrer
BaronJuJu
Fri Jul 22, 2005 8:26 am
#12
Hmmmm....no I think it was the People's Popular Front.....
Now that I think about it more....YeahI think you are right....
Chemistrius
Fri Jul 22, 2005 8:29 am
#13
BaronJuJu wrote:Hmmmm....no I think it was the People's Popular Front.....
Now that I think about it more....Yeah I think you are right....
hehe that was kind of the joke...
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