Rifleman Archive
Thread: NERF Everything BUT Rifleman! (Satire)
Page 1 of 1
JoeMenthol
Mon Feb 16, 2004 2:06 pm
#1
I will now use Nerfer Logic against every other combat profession in the game, just because I feel like beingstupid and wasting time:
Bounty Hunter - **edit**??/? Some BH just spammed Eye Shot every 1 second on me! This is so unfair! Being a rifleman, I use mind pool a LOT, and this guy was hitting the SAME POOL ONCE A SECOND! I can't wear armor or helmets because I'm too stupid to get the buffs/food to be able to wear it, so this is totally imbalanced. Also, even if I was smart enough to get some armor and tactics, they just use their uber LLC on me! I can't get armor with good Lightning resists, this is soooo unfair! If that wasn't bad enough, they can dizzy me and get me on my back and I can't get up! NERF!
Brawler - **edit**??/? It's not fair that Master Brawler get such uber moves! I mean, Warcry, Intimidate, and Lunge 2... I can't kite when I'm stuck in place from Warcry! Then I get intimidated and it totally screws me, and then comes the Lunge... Brawlers are so predicatble, they do these moves all the time because they KNOW that when they combine them it gives them a HUGE unfair advantage over us. They like to say they are "playing smart" and "using strategy," but we all know they are just "uber l33t"exploiters! NERF!
Caribineer - **edit**??/? Okay, these guys need a NERF! One of these guys hit me with ChargeShot1 and it knocked me down!!! They also have posture down shots, how am I supposed to run away? That's so not fair, ranged professions shouldn't be able to KD like that, it's so broken! Then they use moves like ScatterShot1 and 2 to hit MULTIPLE POOLS AT THE SAME TIME! NO WAY! Sometimes on ScatterShot2 it goes to like three different pools, but sometimes it hits triple damage on the SAME POOL! This is so not fair, how am Isupposed to figure out which pool to heal if I never know which one is going to get hit hardest the next??? If that wasn't enough, they can Stun AND Blind with one shot... and it's an AoE!!! NERF!
Combat Medic - Um... some naked dude using sick ranged AoE mind poison/diseases??? HELLO? Does anyone else think this is totally lame?So not only can they attack myMIND, the poolI use most, but they canHEAL THEMSELVES?!!?? 500 tickDoTs + SelfHealing = NERF!
Commando - Okay, I thought these guys were supposed to be getting a nerf, but **edit**??/? Now their initial damage is even HIGHER!!! Forget the fact that I could go out and get myself some heat resistant armor to compensate, just NERF these jerks! Plus they can do SICK Blast damage! I can't do blast damage, that is SOOOOO unfair! How am I supposed to be a one man army who is better than everyone else if I can't attack Turrets as a Rifleman, but these jokers can take them out no problem??? NERF NERF NERF!
Creature Handler - So when did it become fair to attack me with HUGE RANCORS AND KIMOGILAS??!? And if it's not one big pet, it's two or three little pets... but they're not normal animals! They can disease me, knock me down, use all kinds of status effects! And if I kill one, they just run away and pull out more! Not to mention the standard 12k HAMs on these things, plus built in resists... oh yeah, and the stupid pets can deathblow me! I thought Riflemen were supposed to be the only ones with ranged DB! If I see one more pet I'm going to puke, the are ruining "teh game"! NERF!
Fencer - These guys are almost as bad as TKMs. They get to use their attacks ONCE PER SECOND, have awesome melee/dodge defenses, PLUS CoB... **edit**??/?Then they KD/Dizzy me... I'm not even going to get into it, all I can say is NERF!
Jedi - Force powers! I don't get Force Powers! This, plus no more Perma-death??? NERF!
Marksman - Okay, so not only do they get to use RIFLES, THE GUN I'M SUPPOSED TO USE, they get to use Pistols and Carbines as well??? I wish I could use any class of ranged weapon equally well! This sucks! NERF!
Pikeman - The last time I checked, I couldn't hit someone with a 3 foot long pole from 20 FREAKING METERS AWAY! What is the deal with that? I only had to get Master Rifleman, the LONG RANGE PROFESSION, to be able to shoot just as far as ANY OTHER RANGED CLASS, but here come these jokers who have 1/3 of my "long range" with some crappy stick. Plus the KD/Status effects... all I can say is NERF!
Pistoleer - Hmm, let's see, a profession that's SUPPOSED to be short range is shooting at the same range as a Rifleman, shooting once per second, and is almost as accurate. Oh, but if you get close to them, they can Pistol Whip andKD. NERF!
Swordsman - Why does a hammer do BLAST damage? I only have a T21, a gun that's pretty much an anti-tank weapon, yet some melee sissy with a hammer can EASILY out-damage me against turrets and high-level NPCs/MOBs??? **edit**??/? Oh, and they get all that KD/Warcry/Status Effect crap those other melee hosers get... NERF!
And finally...
TKM - I think we all know why. All that needs to be said is NERF!!!!!!
Riflemen are at SUCH a disadvantage against all these guys. Either they have better moves, better damage types, better status effects, better defenses, or their skills cost less points. And that's not even considering if they have TWO OR MORE of these other UBER professions! I say NERF them all! Here are my suggestions for balancing the combat system:
1) Burn out their eyes. We're the only profession that really needs eyes anyway (to look through our scopes at long range). Other people don't need to be able to "see what's going on," that just gives them an unfair advantage.
2) Don't allow buffs/food for other combat classes. Other combat classes aren't real people anyway, they don't deserve the same privileges we have. Who cares if they worked hard on their characters or pay the same monthly fee we do. They're not (insertcombat class here), so how they feel doesn't matter.
3) Take away all their weapons.Let them attack us with rocks and harsh language. But take away the 1.5x damage multiplier on /CurseWord2 first, otherwise it would be over-powered.
(NOTE: This thread is intended as satire/humor and IS NOT to be taken literally. Just poking fun at all the people crying NERF! on not only our board, but nearly all other combat profession boards.)
Message Edited by JoeMenthol on 02-16-2004 01:07 PM
Golden_Flame
Mon Feb 16, 2004 2:21 pm
#2
JoeMenthol wrote:
Pikeman - The last time I checked, I couldn't hit someone with a 3 foot long pole from 20 FREAKING METERS AWAY! What is the deal with that? I only had to get Master Rifleman, the LONG RANGE PROFESSION, to be able to shoot just as far as ANY OTHER RANGED CLASS, but here come these jokers who have 1/3 of my "long range" with some crappy stick. Plus the KD/Status effects... all I can say is NERF!
I sure hope I didn't mean that. 
Take a stroll over to the Pikeman boards and see how badly off we are
Take a stroll over to the Pikeman boards and see how badly off we are
JoeMenthol
Mon Feb 16, 2004 2:25 pm
#3
Golden_Flame wrote:
JoeMenthol wrote:
Pikeman - The last time I checked, I couldn't hit someone with a 3 foot long pole from 20 FREAKING METERS AWAY! What is the deal with that? I only had to get Master Rifleman, the LONG RANGE PROFESSION, to be able to shoot just as far as ANY OTHER RANGED CLASS, but here come these jokers who have 1/3 of my "long range" with some crappy stick. Plus the KD/Status effects... all I can say is NERF!
I sure hope I didn't mean that.
Yeah, it was pretty difficult coming up with "complaints" about some of the professions. Pikeman was one of them 
However, I must say a pikeman caught me with my pants down the other day and thoroughly whooped my butt, so I can't feel too sorry for ya 
tntkiller
Mon Feb 16, 2004 2:27 pm
#4
hehe this was funny lol the DEVs shout deff read this
nerf them all(just not the profession im using )
JoeMenthol
Mon Feb 16, 2004 2:32 pm
#5
NO! Don't let them read it! Knowing them, they'd probably think it was a good idea and do it.
tntkiller wrote:
hehe this was funny lol the DEVs shout deff read this
Ivon
Mon Feb 16, 2004 2:43 pm
#6
JoeMenthol wrote:
NO! Don't let them read it! Knowing them, they'd probably think it was a good idea and do it.
tntkiller wrote:
hehe this was funny lol the DEVs shout deff read this
lmao
Athenis
Mon Feb 16, 2004 3:59 pm
#7
yeah dude...quit your bitching...grow up....you arent gonna win every fight...its just the way life works...if you go to another profession you will be saying the same thing about rifleman...it is one of the best professions out there...you just have to know how to play it...and have a back up skill so you dont "have"(and i hate using that word) to kite...just dont kite....kill them when they are 60m away...thats what rifleman are supposed to do...
Mageric
Mon Feb 16, 2004 11:14 pm
#9
LMAO You forgot to tell them to nerf Entertainer. It's not fair that they are the only ones who can buff the mind pool,our main pool, but they can heal the mind too. I want to be able to do that!!! NERF!!!!!!
Falator
Mon Feb 16, 2004 11:39 pm
#10
OMG SUM RIFLMAN JUST SPAMMED EYE SHOT AT ME AND KILLED ME IN 3 SECONDS N I WAZ USING 99% RESIST EVRYTHING, AR 2 COMPOSITE ARMOR!!!1 
PyscoJuggalo
Mon Feb 16, 2004 11:48 pm
#11
You forgot Squad Leaders!!!!!!!!
Their the leaders we need to nerf them as an example to the rest of the professions!
DarthKirby001
Tue Feb 17, 2004 12:16 am
#12
Very nice post
Only...you forgot about the Image Designers! While I was grinding through ID, I downed a muon and started spamming my ID macro on my guild leader...then when the muon downer came, I INCAPPED MY OWN MIND!!!11. Only Rifleman should be able to do that. NERF!!
Trimatthias
Tue Feb 17, 2004 2:06 am
#13
ROTFLMAO!!!! this is the funniest thing I have read in quite a while great post
**edit**??/? NERF!!!!
Page 1 of 1