Ranger Archive
Thread: In honor of the revamp...
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KenjiTokugawa
Mon Sep 19, 2005 11:33 am
#1
Rules on how not to be seen:
1. Don't stand up.
2. Don't choose an obvious piece of cover (i.e. a bush).
3. Don't choose three obvious pieces of cover (i.e. three bushes).
4. Don't hide in a water barrel.
5. Don't tell your neighbor where you are hiding.
6. Don't be neighbor from the previous rule.
7. Don'thide inthe neighbor's house.
8. Don't hide in any house for that matter.
9. Don't hide in a filing cabinet where they can still hear you.
YT-2000
Mon Sep 19, 2005 1:15 pm
#2
I love that sketch
HM GOVERNMENT, PUBLIC SERVICE FILM NO. 42 PARA 6. "HOW NOT TO BE SEEN"
"In this film we hope to show how not to be seen. This is Mr. E.R. Bradshaw of Napier Court, Black Lion Road London SE5. He can not be seen. Now I am going to ask him to stand up. Mr. Bradshaw will you stand up please."
In the distance Mr Bradshaw stands up. There is a loud gunshot as Mr Bradshaw is shot in the stomach. He crumples to the ground
"This demonstrates the value of not being seen."
Cut to another location - an empty area of scrubland
"In this picture we cannot see Mrs. B.J. Smegma of 13, The Cresent, Belmont. Mrs Smegma will you stand up please."
To the right of the area Mrs Smegma stands up. A gunshot rings out, and Mrs. Smegma leaps into the air, and falls to the ground dead. Cut to another area, however this time there is a bush in the middle
"This is Mr Nesbitt of Harlow New Town. Mr Nesbit would you stand up please. (after a pause - nothing happens)Mr Nesbitt has learnt the value of not being seen. However he has chosen a very obvious piece of cover."
The bush explodes and you hear a muffled scream. Cut to another scene with three bushes
"Mr. E.V. Lambert of Homeleigh, The Burrows, Oswestly, has presented us with a poser. We do not know which bush he is behind, but we can soon find out. (the left-hand bush explodes, then the right-hand bush explodes, and then the middle bush explodes. There is a muffled scream as Mr. Lambert is blown up) Yes it was the middle one."
Cut to a shot of a farmland area with a water butt, a wall, a pile of leaves, a bushy tree, a parked car, and lots of bushes in the distance
"Mr Ken Andrews, of Leighton Road, Slough has concealed himself extremely well. He could be almost anywhere. He could be behind the wall, inside the water barrel, beneath a pile of leaves, up in the tree, squatting down behind the car, concealed in a hollow, or crouched behind any one of a hundred bushes. However we happen to know he's in the water barrel."
The water barrel just blows up in a huge explosion. Cut to a panning shot from the beach huts to beach across the sea
"Mr. and Mrs. Watson of Ivy Cottage, Worplesdon Road, Hull, chose a very cunning way of not being seen. When we called at their house, we found that they had gone away on two weeks holiday. They had not left any forwarding address, and they had bolted and barred the house to prevent us from getting in. However a neighbour told us where there were."
The camera pans around and stops on a obvious looking hut, which blows up. Cut to a house with a gumby standing out front
"And here is the neighbour (he blows up, leaving just his boots. Cut to a shack in the desert) Here is where he lived (shack blows up - cut to a building) And this is where Lord Langdin lived who refused to speak to us (it blows up). so did the gentleman who lived here....(shot of a house - it blows up) and here.....(another building blows up) and of course here.....(a series of various atom and hydrogen bombs at the moment of impact)"
HM GOVERNMENT, PUBLIC SERVICE FILM NO. 42 PARA 6. "HOW NOT TO BE SEEN"
"In this film we hope to show how not to be seen. This is Mr. E.R. Bradshaw of Napier Court, Black Lion Road London SE5. He can not be seen. Now I am going to ask him to stand up. Mr. Bradshaw will you stand up please."
In the distance Mr Bradshaw stands up. There is a loud gunshot as Mr Bradshaw is shot in the stomach. He crumples to the ground
"This demonstrates the value of not being seen."
Cut to another location - an empty area of scrubland
"In this picture we cannot see Mrs. B.J. Smegma of 13, The Cresent, Belmont. Mrs Smegma will you stand up please."
To the right of the area Mrs Smegma stands up. A gunshot rings out, and Mrs. Smegma leaps into the air, and falls to the ground dead. Cut to another area, however this time there is a bush in the middle
"This is Mr Nesbitt of Harlow New Town. Mr Nesbit would you stand up please. (after a pause - nothing happens)Mr Nesbitt has learnt the value of not being seen. However he has chosen a very obvious piece of cover."
The bush explodes and you hear a muffled scream. Cut to another scene with three bushes
"Mr. E.V. Lambert of Homeleigh, The Burrows, Oswestly, has presented us with a poser. We do not know which bush he is behind, but we can soon find out. (the left-hand bush explodes, then the right-hand bush explodes, and then the middle bush explodes. There is a muffled scream as Mr. Lambert is blown up) Yes it was the middle one."
Cut to a shot of a farmland area with a water butt, a wall, a pile of leaves, a bushy tree, a parked car, and lots of bushes in the distance
"Mr Ken Andrews, of Leighton Road, Slough has concealed himself extremely well. He could be almost anywhere. He could be behind the wall, inside the water barrel, beneath a pile of leaves, up in the tree, squatting down behind the car, concealed in a hollow, or crouched behind any one of a hundred bushes. However we happen to know he's in the water barrel."
The water barrel just blows up in a huge explosion. Cut to a panning shot from the beach huts to beach across the sea
"Mr. and Mrs. Watson of Ivy Cottage, Worplesdon Road, Hull, chose a very cunning way of not being seen. When we called at their house, we found that they had gone away on two weeks holiday. They had not left any forwarding address, and they had bolted and barred the house to prevent us from getting in. However a neighbour told us where there were."
The camera pans around and stops on a obvious looking hut, which blows up. Cut to a house with a gumby standing out front
"And here is the neighbour (he blows up, leaving just his boots. Cut to a shack in the desert) Here is where he lived (shack blows up - cut to a building) And this is where Lord Langdin lived who refused to speak to us (it blows up). so did the gentleman who lived here....(shot of a house - it blows up) and here.....(another building blows up) and of course here.....(a series of various atom and hydrogen bombs at the moment of impact)"
Phenix1050
Mon Sep 19, 2005 1:22 pm
#3
never seen whatever this is...but I'm guessing Python is involved.
Sojourner
Mon Sep 19, 2005 1:22 pm
#4
Phenix1050 wrote:
never seen whatever this is...but I'm guessing Python is involved.
Correct!Give the man a sock monkey!
Phenix1050
Mon Sep 19, 2005 1:24 pm
#5
no! keep the monkies away! Even a monkey of the sock variety will surely attract Owen, and after hearing how he's been boozed up, I REALLY don't want to be walking around the Ranger forums with a monkey.
Sojourner
Mon Sep 19, 2005 1:35 pm
#6
Phenix1050 wrote:
no! keep the monkies away! Even a monkey of the sock variety will surely attract Owen, and after hearing how he's been boozed up, I REALLY don't want to be walking around the Ranger forums with a monkey.
No it's ok. If that should happen,I'll distract him with this picture of Dr. Xera (No, not that type of picture, sickos).
Phenix1050
Mon Sep 19, 2005 1:37 pm
#7
Is that the doc from Planet of the Apes? Otherwise it won't work.
Sojourner
Mon Sep 19, 2005 1:41 pm
#8
Phenix1050 wrote:
Is that the doc from Planet of the Apes? Otherwise it won't work.
Yes, that one.
Phenix1050
Mon Sep 19, 2005 1:43 pm
#9
dang. I'm good. Haven't seen that flick either (either version).
but I know pop-culture contextually.
Nikoziara
Mon Sep 19, 2005 5:15 pm
#10
Doesnt the mention of monkies alone attract owen? And which python is that from?
And which python is that from?
Almagill
Tue Sep 20, 2005 12:27 am
#11
KenjiTokugawa wrote:Rules on how not to be seen:1. Don't stand up.2. Don't choose an obvious piece of cover (i.e. a bush).3. Don't choose three obvious pieces of cover (i.e. three bushes).4. Don't hide in a water barrel.5. Don't tell your neighbor where you are hiding.6. Don't be neighbor from the previous rule.7. Don't hide in the neighbor's house.8. Don't hide in any house for that matter.9. Don't hide in a filing cabinet where they can still hear you.
I told you before, stay out of my filing cabinet. Weirdo.
Rule (1) in not being seen. Don't be there.
Rule (2) in not being seen. Don't be there either.
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