Ranger Archive
Thread: Ranger Humour
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Almagill
Sun Sep 26, 2004 9:51 pm
#1
Master of the hunting guild was hiring a few new guns for the weekly hunt.
His recruiters had been out round the starports and cantinas in every corner of the galaxy and, here, before him, was assembled the creme de la creme of stalkers, trappers, hunters and rangers.
He'd gone along the line of hopefuls chatting with each, asking a few questions to check ou thteir sutability and eventually came to young Carlton Flyingduster the Third, recent graduate from the Imperial School of Marksmanship and failed pilot.
Well young man, the guild master said, what would you do, in the field, faced with a charging bull rancor... and your gun jammed??
SIR! I would check the safety, putting it to ON in case of misfire, check the firing mechanism was clear, then check the auto-feed.... and so on he went, giving a step by step discourse on the fieldstripping of a T21.
Hmmm... said the guild master as he heard a low chuckle from the very end of the line.
Approaching the next candidate he asked What would you do, son, if, faced with a kimo bearing down on you, your weapon misfired?
Well, sir, I didn't go to no fancy shooting school, I just worked mybutt off on my folks dust farm. Taught myself to use all sorts of weapons and all sorts of fighting styles. Sir, I'd just fall back to my pistol, failing that I've got a blaster, a stun rifle, couple of back up rifles that fire acid. Heck sir, if the worst came to the worst, I'd fight the thing with my bare hands...
Very good, very good. I like to see spirit said the hunt master.
His eyes then settled on the old master ranger at the end of the line. Hawking up filth from his chest from years of spice abuse, reeking of brandy and, well, we don't even want to think what else went into creating that unique aroma...
What in the name of.... yelped the hunt master.
Squill Charlie, said the ranger, that's what folks call me. And I'd like to get in with your little group for a while, hunt some game.
Squill Charlie, eh? Well, Squill, or is it Charlie? What'd you do... faced with a canyon krayt, protecting her young, charging down through the graveyard there and, click, your rifle failed?
Well sir, am not special trained like the fly boy there, nor am I so dumb as the farm boy neither. I'd adopt the Gundan POKOFO approach.
Pokofo???
yessir, that big brutes bearing down on me like you say, am not sticking around. So it's
Gun Down, Pack Off, Kit Off, F*** Off for me!
His recruiters had been out round the starports and cantinas in every corner of the galaxy and, here, before him, was assembled the creme de la creme of stalkers, trappers, hunters and rangers.
He'd gone along the line of hopefuls chatting with each, asking a few questions to check ou thteir sutability and eventually came to young Carlton Flyingduster the Third, recent graduate from the Imperial School of Marksmanship and failed pilot.
Well young man, the guild master said, what would you do, in the field, faced with a charging bull rancor... and your gun jammed??
SIR! I would check the safety, putting it to ON in case of misfire, check the firing mechanism was clear, then check the auto-feed.... and so on he went, giving a step by step discourse on the fieldstripping of a T21.
Hmmm... said the guild master as he heard a low chuckle from the very end of the line.
Approaching the next candidate he asked What would you do, son, if, faced with a kimo bearing down on you, your weapon misfired?
Well, sir, I didn't go to no fancy shooting school, I just worked mybutt off on my folks dust farm. Taught myself to use all sorts of weapons and all sorts of fighting styles. Sir, I'd just fall back to my pistol, failing that I've got a blaster, a stun rifle, couple of back up rifles that fire acid. Heck sir, if the worst came to the worst, I'd fight the thing with my bare hands...
Very good, very good. I like to see spirit said the hunt master.
His eyes then settled on the old master ranger at the end of the line. Hawking up filth from his chest from years of spice abuse, reeking of brandy and, well, we don't even want to think what else went into creating that unique aroma...
What in the name of.... yelped the hunt master.
Squill Charlie, said the ranger, that's what folks call me. And I'd like to get in with your little group for a while, hunt some game.
Squill Charlie, eh? Well, Squill, or is it Charlie? What'd you do... faced with a canyon krayt, protecting her young, charging down through the graveyard there and, click, your rifle failed?
Well sir, am not special trained like the fly boy there, nor am I so dumb as the farm boy neither. I'd adopt the Gundan POKOFO approach.
Pokofo???
yessir, that big brutes bearing down on me like you say, am not sticking around. So it's
Gun Down, Pack Off, Kit Off, F*** Off for me!
Almagill
Sun Sep 26, 2004 9:56 pm
#2
Squill Charlie turns up in the market square one morning.
"I'm going huntin krayts, who wants to come with me? Get some glory, earn some coin, maybe bring home a pearl or two??"
Pretty soon he's got a gropu together and, before heading off for the shuttle he says "Darn, near forgot, got to get myself some new equipment..." and heads to the bazaar.
The group, all died in the wool newbies of the toughest type, are stood there wondering among themselves "What's he getting? New gun? Maybe a rocket launcher? no, a power hammer... a sword... a scythe... Poisons!! Traps!!!"
They are totally mystified when he comes back with a pair of brand new sneakers.
"Squill Charlie... you'll never outrun a krayt" They all laugh
"No, but you can bet your bottom dollar I'll outrun YOU!"
"I'm going huntin krayts, who wants to come with me? Get some glory, earn some coin, maybe bring home a pearl or two??"
Pretty soon he's got a gropu together and, before heading off for the shuttle he says "Darn, near forgot, got to get myself some new equipment..." and heads to the bazaar.
The group, all died in the wool newbies of the toughest type, are stood there wondering among themselves "What's he getting? New gun? Maybe a rocket launcher? no, a power hammer... a sword... a scythe... Poisons!! Traps!!!"
They are totally mystified when he comes back with a pair of brand new sneakers.
"Squill Charlie... you'll never outrun a krayt" They all laugh
"No, but you can bet your bottom dollar I'll outrun YOU!"
Squidwalker
Mon Sep 27, 2004 7:41 am
#4
ROFL dude Ken that's a great story/joke. I especially like the second part. I'm always TNing animals, or friends, to death. Hell I used TN to keep a nasty Imperial Pikeman off me while I plucked away at his head for a while.
For me its. PDHDOTN. "Phec Dart Head Down Out Terrain Negotiate" 
Samtha
Mon Sep 27, 2004 7:47 am
#5
Squidwalker wrote:ROFL dude Ken that's a great story/joke. I especially like the second part. I'm always TNing animals, or friends, to death. Hell I used TN to keep a nasty Imperial Pikeman off me while I plucked away at his head for a while.For me its. PDHDOTN. "Phec Dart Head Down Out Terrain Negotiate"
Oh yes, I also remember the "GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF" while running up and down the hill from the Enraged Rancor using your master ranger TN while I use my explore 1 TN to try to get in taunt range
But to be honest after me bugging you about it you HAVE changed your methodology now when I am there tanking...
(for the rest of you now he stands next to me with a macro going /poke "get it off" /poke "Get it off" /poke "get it off" )
Squidwalker
Mon Sep 27, 2004 8:01 am
#6
What ever keeps the ranger alive. Right guys? It's my "Self Rescue" macro
Samtha wrote:
Squidwalker wrote:
ROFL dude Ken that's a great story/joke. I especially like the second part. I'm always TNing animals, or friends, to death. Hell I used TN to keep a nasty Imperial Pikeman off me while I plucked away at his head for a while.
For me its. PDHDOTN. "Phec Dart Head Down Out Terrain Negotiate"
Oh yes, I also remember the "GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF" while running up and down the hill from the Enraged Rancor using your master ranger TN while I use my explore 1 TN to try to get in taunt range
But to be honest after me bugging you about it you HAVE changed your methodology now when I am there tanking...
(for the rest of you now he stands next to me with a macro going /poke "get it off" /poke "Get it off" /poke "get it off" )
Message Edited by Squidwalker on 09-27-2004 08:01 AM
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