Pistoleer Archive

DISCLAIMER!!!

This story is meant as a semi-RP piece of fan fiction and a satirical jab at the up coming adjustments to the game. Once again, please save your flames, this post in no way is meant to insult your: profession, character, side in the Galactic Civil War, mother or your dog (well maybe your dog).

"The supreme Jabba has been most impressed by your service to him in ridding the galaxy of the odious bounty hunter Iuban," the protocol droid translated the garbled babble that was huttese. "He is concerned, however, that you have been asking far too many questions Miss Doroturo."

Dyvinnity’s mind wandered for a moment, pondering over why all protocol droids spoke in the same nasally accent. "I guess I just have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge." She replied tossing her lekku over her right shoulder defiantly. "Maybe if you didn’t pay me in junk weapons you could have bought a bit more discretion."

The Gran bodyguard that had escorted her to the throne room gave Dyvinnity a sharp shove dropping her to her knees before the sluggish Jabba (Gran have a strength modifier after all). "His most luxuriousness is most impressed by your display of wit and wishes to invite you to join the ranks of his dancing girls."

"I’m not much of a dancer." (Twi’lek dancers are just way too common on my server, so I went with Smuggler so all she really could do is /dance)

Jabba nodded to the Gran bodyguard who sent a fist along Dyvinnity’s jaw. Raising her head again to look Jabba in the eye, she spit a mouthful of blood onto the throne room floor, before sticking her tongue out at the slobbering slug. Displaying the silver barbell piercing and a tongue stained with blood from her split lip.

"To ask another way," the droid’s voice was beginning to become a source of annoyance, "work for Jabba, or spend time in the Rancor pit."

Dyvinnity sat back on her haunches as if to ponder the options. In one quick deft motion she swung her left elbow up into the Gran’s groin region (being a Smuggler she has access to both Low Blow and Unarmed Combat level 4, combine that with a 700 quickness…ouch). The Gran doubled over just in time to receive the heel of her right hand smashing directly into his center eye.

"Call me an animal lover I guess," she smiled sweetly at Jabba, her green eyes alive with mischief. (She actually is an animal lover, Creature Handler 4-3-1-4)

"Jabba is most pleased you wish to feed the Rancor," the droid translated. Dyvinnity began to wonder if Jabba was really as eloquent as the droid was making him sound. (I don’t know why PC’s can’t understand Jabba’s huttese yet we can understand Borvo)

A panel slid away from beneath our young heroine and she tumbled into the sandy bottom of the Rancor pit, much to the delight of Jabba’s court (which included Jango Fett…who is a lot shorter than I would have thought).

Dusting the sand off her black cloak and dazzling blue skin she felt around to make sure all five of her pistols were still there (what Pistoleer doesn’t carry at least 5?). The room around her shook as the Rancor emerged from the cave under the palace connected to the pit.

Dyvinnity stumbled backward searching her brain for which pistol would work best on a Rancor (not a DX2 that’s for sure…how did she even manage to holster that thing anyway?). Finally settling on her very heavy FWG5 complete with a scope (that only she could see) and a power-up (which nobody could see).

Drawing careful aim…she threw the gun directly at the Rancor’s head. The gun tumbled end over end through the air finally making contact with the Rancor’s forehead resulting in a loud resounding THUD. The Rancor’s eyes rolled into the back of its head as it tumbled face first into the sand. (With the new creature "balancing" Rancors, which already have pathetic kinetic resistance, might also be loosing their armor and what little resists they had so clearly throwing the gun was the best option). Dyvinnity hopped over the snoozing Rancor (bet you didn’t know Terrain Negotiation applied to running on a Rancor). She talked the gate guardian into opening the door for her (using the /converse command) in exchange for 500 units of wind energy (she’d visited her harvesters on the way out).

"Stop the blue witch!" Bib Fortuna screamed. "She’s incapacitated Jabba’s Rancor!" (She wouldn’t DB a helpless caged animal)

Darting down the hallway and sliding out under the main gate she looked around for her Dewback mount "Harley," but unfortunately he seemed to have run off (auto store from being out of range) so she quickly grabbed her generic crafting tool to make a camp kit. Sprinting away from the palace while she crafted she ended up getting stuck on auto run, and had to /tumbletoprone back into her camp to stop the silly bug from running her all the way to Wayfar (which isn’t really all that far with all the player city shuttles now).

With her camp set up she called her mount and climbed on Harley’s back. Waving to the pursuing Jabba’s thugs before she rode off into the Tatooine sunset. (The thugs later caught up with Dyvinnity at the Bestine starport because she got there with a 9 minute and 56 second wait. Fortunately Jabba’s thugs only have 500 HAM so a few Last Ditch shots took care of them. Although is it really a "Last Ditch" if you have no intention of dying?)

Dyvinnity Doroturo

Jill-of-all-trades