Merchant Archive
Thread: Replacing Hiring I-IV with Firing I-IV
(looks up from desk as employee knocks on the cube wall)
Merchant: Good morning Vendor Soe. What can I do for you?
Vendor:Soe: Yes boss, I was wondering. The boys and I have been talking together, and we think....
Merchant: ....what?.....
Verdor:Soe: ...well, we think we deserve big raises.
(Merchant sits back thinking for a moment.)
Merchant: So...you want more money?
Verdor:Soe: Yep. And we are prepared to go on strike to get it.
Merchant: Verdor Soe, just what do you do for me here?
Vendor:Soe: We display and sell your stuff.
Merchant: Aye, that you do, but you don't do it very well. What about yesterday? You stopped talking to customers after an hour and just went off into your own little world. And the day before I asked you to list us on the planetary map and your forgot...AGAIN.
Vendor:Soe: I am certain with more money we would be better motivated to do the job right.
Merchant: Ugh huh. I see. I spent months wondering which one of you was going to show up for work that day, and when you finally got down to just sending a few you chose to ignore the sales pitches I tought you. And what about the uniforms I gave you all? Why do you not wear them?
Vendor:Soe: We didn't want to be corporate puppets.
Merchant: If you have no loyalty to the corporation, why should the corporation have loyalty to you? You managed to bungle every sale of iron in the past month, selling the whole lot to the first person that asks for next to nothing and then cheating everyone else who buys by giving them empty containers. You may not be puppets but are certainy putting a Punch & Judy show on the customers with this foolishness.
Vendor:Soe: That's not our fault! We didn't make the cash registers!
Merchant: Well, the "cash register" vendorsmanage to sell iron and rubber ducks by the K and not get them mixed up, why can't you?
Vendor:Soe I am certain with more pay we would get the job done right.
Merchant: And what's with this merchandise dissappearing act? I get customers calling to complain every day that you sold them something, and by the time they got on the shuttle to go home it had dissappeared. At least some of them claim to have received it the next day by Reboot overnight shipping. How can you justify a pay raise when you treat the customers and this business like this?
Vendor:Soe: I am certain for more money we would do the job right.
Merchant: Have you cleaned out the stockroom like I asked you last night?
Vendor:Soe: No, we didn't.
Merchant: (shrugs) another failure to perform your job duties. Now that stuff has spoiled and we will never get the stench of it out of there. And you want a raise?
Vendor:Soe: I am certain for more money we would do the job right.
Merchant: I see....and you would do things correctly...for more money. How much money are we talking here, given my current stock?
Merchant:Soe: We want to make more than you do Boss. Each.
(Merchant leans over closer to Vendor:Soe)
Merchant: Come on...you couldn't pick up banta podo witha binary load lifter and a team of jawas. What's really going on here? Why are you really asking for a raise?
Vendor:Soe: Well, me and the boys lost our shirts on a gambling venture that didn't pan out like we planned,so the union wants us to hit up the middlemen and crafters. We tried taking money from the brawlers and marksmen but they got REALLY angry, and the dancers and musicians are broke anyways, and if we take money from the doctors they stop healing or want to see our insureance cards before they do. Which reminds me, we will want health care and retirment benefits too.
Merchant: (shakes his head) I'm sorry Vendor :Soe, but I cannot possibly give such a raise to incompetient, brainless workers who don't do the job I pay them for now. I won't give you a raise until you straighten up and show me you are with me on this business venture.
Vendor:Soe: Well then, we'll just go on strike!
Merchant: Suit yourself. I get the same exp no matter what you hold for me. You earn me better skills whether you are tied up in the basement or out front hawking my goods. The bizarre works just fine, and I imagine the data-terminal vendors would never mind holding chits and advertizing for my goods, nor will the droids object to holding my goods while I advertize in shouts in the popular town. Soon enough we will have little need for you anyways, everyone will be in Theed or Wayfar or some tent city somewhere where all sales will take place without you anyways. I don't need you that bad Vendor:Soe. You are striking yourself out of a job.
(Vendor:Soe looks miffed)
Merchant: now get your #$% back out into the shop and get back to work, for as long as you are here and what little you do of it.
Catches the problem brilliantly and with a great deal of humor. I especially like the part about hitting up the marksmen and brawlers. This post deserves to be bumped every 15 minutes and posted on some developer's wall
ROFL! That was great. Fabulous! I think I'll go have a chat with my lazy vendors too, now I have an idea what their game is. LOL. Too funny.
