Merchant Archive

'I exorcise thee, most vile exploiters, the very embodiment of our enemy, the entire specter, the whole legion, in the name of SOE, to get out and flee from this creature of LucasArts.

'He Himself commands thee, who has ordered those cast down from the heights ofMMO to the depths of the earth. He commands thee, he who commanded the sea, the winds, and the combat rebalance.

'Hear therefore and fear, O Exploiters, enemy of the faith, foe to the human race, producer of death, thief of skills, destroyer of justice, root of evils, kindler of vices, seducer of men, betrayer of nations, inciter of envy, origin of avarice, cause of discord, procurer of sorrows. Why dost thou stand and resist, when thou knowest that SOE will destroy thy strength? Fear him who was immolated in the merchant nerf, sold in jedi publishes, slain in the corvette, crucified in the warren, and then was triumphant over hellish lag.

'Depart therefore in the name of the SOE, and of the LucasArts, and of the Holy Merchant protectors; give place to the banishment of exploiters, by the sign of the Dingo, who with theBalkstar and thereverent merchants liveth and reignethover skillpoints, for ever and ever, world without end.'

'I adjure thee, thou old scum-sucking exploiters, by the judge of the quick and the dead, by thySOE, the maker of the world, by him who has power to send thee to banned accounted-dom, that thou depart quickly from this servant of SOE, Exploiters, who returns to the bosom of the SOE, with fear and the affliction of thy terror. I adjure the again, not in my infirmity, but by the virtue of the LucasArts, that thou depart from this servant of SOE, whom AlmightySOE hath made in his own image.

'Yield therefore; yield not to me, but to the minister of fair investment of skillpoints. For his power urges thee, who subjugated thee to your exploits. Tremble at losing poached vendors, who led the souls to light after the lamentations ofbanning had been subdued. May the merchant protectorate be a terror to thee, let the image ofSOE be terrible to thee. Resist not, neither delay to flee from this Dingo, since it has pleasedSOE to dwell in this forum. And, although thou knowest me to be none the less a sinner, do not think me contemptible.

'Go out, therefore, thou exploiter. Go out, thou seducer, full of all deceit and guile, enemy of virtue, persecutor of innocence. O most dire one, give place; give place, thou most impious; give place to the merchant protectorate, in whom thou hast found nothing of thy works, who hath despoiled thee, who hath destroyed thy kingdom, who hath led thee captive and hath plundered thy goods, who hath cast thee into outer darkness, where for thee and they ministers is prepared annihilation.

'But why, truculent one, dost thou withstand? Why, rash creature, dost thou refuse?

'Thou art accused by Almighty LucasArts, whosegame-rulesthou hast transgressed.

'Thou art accused by SOE, publisher,whom thou didst dare to tempt and presume to crucify.

'Thou art accused by the players everywhere, to whom by the persuasion thou hast given to drink the poison of death.

'Therefore I adjure thee, most wickedscumsuckers in the name of the immaculate merchant, who trod upon the efficiency and hiring, who trampled the manament and advertising, to depart from this man,to depart from the Almighty Merchant Forum. Tremble and flee at the invocation of the name of thatSOE at whompoachers tremble, to whom the virtues of merchant, the powers and dominions are subject, whom cherubim and seraphim with unwearied voices praise, saying, Hotfix, Hotfix, Hotfix, O immaculate SOE.

'Therefore, I adjure thee, most vile of exploiters, the entire specter, the very embodiment of Scum, in the name of SOE, who, after his baptism in EverQuest, was led into the wilderness and overcame thee in thine own habitations, that thou stop assaulting him whom he hath formed from the dust of the earth to the honor of his glory, and that thou tremble not at the human exploiting weakness in miserable man but at the image of Almighty SOE.

'Therefore, yield to SOE, who by his servantDingoBoi drowned thee and thy malice inyour unrighteous argumentsand in his army of minions in the abyss.

'Yield to SOE, who made thee flee when expelled from your poached vendors with spiritual songs through his most faithful servant, Balkstar.

'Yield toSOE who condemned thee Exploiters who shall be purged. For he beats thee with divine hotfixes, in whose sight, trembling and crying out with thy legions, thou hast said: What are thou to us, O SOE, conscript of LucasArts? Art thou come hither to torture us before our time? He presses on thee with perpetual nerfs, who shall say at the end of time to the wicked exploiters: Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire and damnation skewered on a spike for all the other players to see and poke fun at you , which is prepared for theexploiters and their espousers.

'For thee, impious one, and for thyscumsuckers are prepared computer viruses which never die.

'For thee and thyscumsuckers is prepared the unquenchable longing for poaching; because thou art the chief of accursed Exploitation, thou art the author of rescinding skillpoints, the head of injustice, the master of the worst actions, the teacher of how to not-play-nice, the inventor of all treachery. Therefore, O impious one, go out. Go out, thou scoundrel, go out with all thy deceits, becauseSOE has willed that man be his temple.

'But why dost thou delay longer here?

'Give honor to SOE, thecreator Almighty, to whom everyskillpoint is sent.

'Give place to the LucasArts who shed for man his most precious revenue producing license.

'Now therefore depart. Depart, thou exploiter. Thy abode is the coding, thy habitation is the merchant profession. Be humbled and prostrate. Now there is no time to delay. For behold the SOE approaches quickly, and his bannings will glow before him like the jedi thingamasticks and precede him and burn up his enemies on every side. For if thou hast deceived merchants, thou canst not mock SOE.

Begone O Exploiters of Merchant. You are scum and not welcome here.