Jedi Archive
Thread: Lightsaber stories (SWG style)
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UberNinjaOfDoom
Tue Sep 06, 2005 10:02 pm
#1
Part 1: Irony of creation
Anakin shows Obi-Wan his first lightsaber.
Obi-Wan:
You call this a lightsaber Anakin ? What is wrong with you ?
Anakin:
But Master I gathered best resources in the galaxy.. I learned the art of superior force crafting, I used bio-enhanced force suit in the greatest research center in the known expense.
Obi-Wan:
Young ones never listen... Don't you remember our lesson in the great hall of records !!... When making a lightsaber skill is completely irrelevant !!!! What you need is LOOT !!! Pearls, crystals.. the premium kind.. lots of them.
Anakin:
Yes master I shell travel to the farthest depths of the galaxy and search for the deepest crystal caves on Dantooine, will seek the greatest crystal mines of..
Obi-Wan:
Ehh.... NO STUPID!! (bonks Anakin in the head)
Anakin:
I am sorry master... where shell I acquire the crystals then..
Obi-Wan:
Ok I am going to go through this again... You are going to kill people !!! Lots of people.... Lots and lots of people....
Anakin:
(Interrupts) But Master isnt't this against the Jedi Code. What kind of a lesson are we teaching...
Obi-Wan:
(slap Anakin in the head) Anakin...Anakin... At the end of the day what matters is that we have a good lightsaber to beat bad guys with. Isn't that worth the sacrifice... Its for the greater good... Sure few thousand Nightsisters may die....but think about it this way: They are all bad !!
Anakin:
If you say so master... but where do those Nightsisters get those crystals... Couldn't we just go there and get them ourselves.
Obi-Wan:
(shakes his head) No.. my padawan... That would not be the Jedi way.
Obi-Wan:
(rolls his eyes) Look Anakin...If you are going to be a wuss about it, what you can do is kill them Krayts... Giant Lizards on Tatooine...you can pull great pearls from their belly which you can use in your saber.
Anakin:
Yes Master, I have heard about them... I will leave immediately for Tatooine....ah..But Master, isnt' it wrong to slaughter these magnificent animals for our selfish needs.
Obi-Wan:
(slaps Anakin in the head) Shuttup...
Anakin:
But Master, I heard they no longer drop premiums...
Obi-Wan:
(slaps Anakin in the head) Pss... Zip it.
Anakin:
But Master..
Obi-Wan:
(kicks Anakin where it counts) Look you FOOL !!!...do you want to be a Jedi or not !!! I want you to quit your whining and go out there and kill every last one of those giant lizard mother pluckers.. And don't come back without premiums !!! I don't care how you get them !!!
Part II: Disillusionment
Young Jedi Rosenwalker meets his friend Guildenforce after his mission to Tatooine.
Rosenwalker:
He was moving fast down the streets of Mos Eisley but was no way he could outrun me. I have been following the Trandoshan for over a week now..one more street and I would have him. He whipped passed a Bantha dealer, and dodged into a shadowed ally in hopes of alluding me. I approached confidently knowing that I had him now... Nothing there but a dead end. Knowing that he was trapped he started to desperately claw at one of the doors on the east wall..It gave way...He burst in and slammed the door shot in my face...How futilie, I thought... The purple glow illuminated the dark ally as my saber came alive. I plugned it into the door........
Guildenforce:
And ???
Rosenwalker:
Nothing !!!
Guildenforce:
Nothing ?
Rosenwalker:
Ya nothing... I could not cut my way through the door.
Guildenforce:
There must have been a forcefield, or the door was reinforced with Cartosis.
Rosenwalker:
That is exactly what I was thought !! But then my r2 unit rolls in, fires its blaster, and blows the door off !!!! I was like..WTH !! Door was made out of wood !!! Wood Guilden.... Wood !!!
Guildenforce:
You must be joking !! They told us these things would cut through blast doors !!
Rosenwalker:
Tell me about it.. These glowsticks are freaking worthless !!! On the way back I went to see Master Yoda to see what is the deal...
Guildenforce:
What did he say ?
Rosenwalker:
He mumbled something about new devs , CU and balancing his hairy little butt ...and chuckled madly... I had no idea what the heck he was talking about... I think the little guy is losing it..
Guildenforce:
What are we supposed to do now ?
Rosenwalker:
I dont' know about you...but I bought a nice reliable dmg maxed laser rifle... I only power my lightsaber now when I want to impress the babes.
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