Jedi Archive
Thread: JNN Headline News (updated 9-1-2005)
9/01/05 Editorial by KeeferKman ..."A Force Divided"
The way of the force has become clouded. The Sith Devs have successfulycrippled the development ofthe young Jedi warriors.TheDev force has grown quite strong in the upper ranks. Order 66enforcers have clearlytorturedand brainwashed the final group ofDevs thatheldJedi in high regard. To compound that matter,under the public relations expertiseof Grand Spin Master Tiggs, we have been dupped into a state of reality, which simplydoes notexist. As the power of theforce grows thin, elder Jedi have become"hoarders of the force", by ill-wishing their younger counterparts. Itis sadto see how what where oncestrong Jedi-Apprentice relationships,are now moreproperlyrepresented by the famed"Abel and Cain".Some suggest it is natural for the elders to protect their diminishing powers, others feel it is the work of the Sith masters.
Not all hope is lost.Master Jedi Obi-Wan has once again stepped into the picture. Although many feel Obi-Wan is under the control of the Sith Devs in a ploy to extort massive amounts of credits from the Jedi population, it is still unclear. It is rumored that Obi-Wan is hiding incrediblypowerfull crystals and pearls for the toughest Jedi to retrieve. Unfortunately, this is not something that will happen soon, and nobody knows for sure.
Until Hope is restored, several schrewd Jedi have devised tactics to survive the now massive number of Master Combat Medics (yeah, your read right MEDICS!). The new strategy involves applying the force to freeze the hunters, and briefly fleeing to regenerate your force, clear your mind, and rest your body. Then, when the Medicre-engages, you knock him down, spit on him, and freeze him once again. It is rumored this tactic works wonderfully. In fact the hunter eventually looses some of his special "buff" powers and is succeptible to attack
Use the force wisely ! Our day will come.
8/25/05 Breaking News! ..."Master Defender goes down in three hits"
A Jedi Bounty Hunter (BH)is now on record openly bragging to his fellow assassins about taking down a Jedi Master Defender in three single hits. The BH posted actual proof of this through holographic stills (also known as "screenies") on the BH forums. The BH, equiped with a 1,330 max damage Laser Rifle used the dreaded "Sniper" shot (recording a hit well over 3,000 health, resulting in 1,600 damage to the Jedi's health), then followed this upwith two more powerfull blows from his "uber" rifle. Luckily, the unsuspecting Jedi did not suffer much. The now wealthy BH was boastingto havemassacred 4 Jedi in a single day.
It is clear that Jedi are neither revered or feared by the general population. In fact, they are loathed by most, and humiliated by many. The cataclismic events thatfollowed with thenow-famous "CU", have proven themeselves too much for even the strongest of Jedi.These pre-CU Masters,whichwield sabersharnessing large amountsof force, have recently began to let downeven their own apprentices andPadawans in general.It is becoming clear, that even the stongestJedi begin to yieldagainst what seems to be "Super powers"granted to BH by the Sith Dev Lords.
In an exclusive interview by JNN correspondent Hannedy-Solo,the charismatic Master Defender once known as "UcantTouchThis" said the following: "I witnessed this carnage, my comrade died before right before my eyes, before I could lend a hand...I tried distracting the BH with a Type 2 Firework, but he was intent with greed, and it was all over too quickly"
Stay tuned to JNN
"Where Jedi Nerf News is our top priority"
Headline news: "Mega-Inflation to keeppoor Jedi down"
A recent disturbance in the force was reported by the Jedi council.The Sith Devs have successfully decimated the enhanced powers of certain Jedi. This was accomplished through theremote destructionof aformerly indistructible belt acquired by schrewd Jedi. This new attack will surely increase the price of all CA'srelating to General Melee Speed and General Melee Accuracy. The macro-economical shift will have a new army of weakenedJedi bidding up the prices, in a feeble attempt to restore their power. BH's throughout the galaxyrejoiced by slaughtering innocent Huurtons, and shooting their uber scatter pistols and FWG5's to the sky. They now know a windfall of credits is coming their way with their "boss mark" loots.
It is estimated that the Jedi community, now left with useless belts, has suffered an UNPRECEDENTEDcombined loss of close to 84.5 billion credits. In effect, shifting a huge balance of wealth to other elite classes.
On another note: "BH score another blow"
In the ongoing battle of BH vs. Jedi, Jedi continue to loose their footing. It is now apparent that by taking a pathway of peace and subtle resistance, they are loosing the battle. The famous Humanoid(Ghandi) has been proven unequivocally wrong. This most recent strike has again clarified the intent of the Sith Dev Team,who seem to besingle-handidly carrying outthe execution oforder 66.
A recent Jedi Knight from Endor (name withheld) was quoted as saying "I try to use discipline and meditation to sustain my sanity. Having been stripped ofall FRS powers, and several debilitations to my mastery of the force, I feel it is very important to remain calm" Unfortunatey, shortly thereafter, a 4 hr battle ensued, and the honorable Jedi is no more. It was reported that the Jedi was sent to the cloner by a novice CM. Apparently the hunteroutlasted his mark withthe mastery ofa Physician and was able tocombinethis withthe mastery of aChemist Chef.By repeatedly sipping a drink named "Ruby Biel" thenimmediatly applying a Medicine labeled 'Stim D', he was able to quickly heal himselfinways previously unimaginable. The CM/BH was caught onhologram recorder/spitting on the former Knight and /sitting on his lifeless head.
The recently debated Order 66, approved by the senate, is now over 60% complete. In recent weeks, the tally has shifted to the BH as follows:
Losers: -18 JEDI(w/o BH alts) Winners: + 26 BH (and Jedi w/BH alts) Whiners: Tied at +100 each
Stay tuned to JNN
"Where Jedi Nerf News is our top priority"
Message Edited by KeeferKman on 09-02-2005 12:18 AM
KeeferKman wrote:
Headline news: "Mega-Inflation to keeppoor Jedi down"
A recent disturbance in the force was reported by the Jedi council.The Sith Devs have successfully decimated the enhanced powers of certain Jedi. This was accomplished through theremote destructionof aformerly indistructible belt acquired by schrewd Jedi. This new attack will surely increase the price of all CA'srelating to General Melee Spee and General Melee Accuracy. The macro-economical shift will have a new army of weakenedJedi bidding up the prices, in a feeble attempt to restore their power. BH's throughout the galaxyrejoiced by slaughtering innocent Huurtons, and shooting their uber scatter pistols and FWG5's to the sky. They now know a windfall of credits is coming there way with their "boss mark" loots.
It is estimated that the Jedi community, now left with useless belts, has suffered a combined loss of close to 84.5 billion credits. In effect, shifting a huge balance of wealth to other elite classes.
On another note: "BH score another blow"
In the ongoing battle of BH vs. Jedi, Jedi continue to loose their footing. It is now apparent that by taking a pathway of peace and subtle resistance, they are loosing the battle. The famous Humanoid(Ghandi) has been proven unequivocally wrong. This most recent strike has again clarified the intent of the Sith Dev Team,who seem to besingle-handidly carrying outthe execution oforder 66. A recent Jedi Knight from Endor (name withheld) was quoted as saying "We must use discipline and meditation to sustain our sanity. Having been stripped of my FRS powers, and several debilitations to my mastery of the force, I feel it is very important to remain calm" Unfortunatey, shortly thereafter, a 4 hr battle ensued, and the honorable Jedi is no more. It was reported that the Jedi was sent to the cloner by a novice CM. Apparently the hunter discovered a mastery ofa physician and was able tocombinethis with mastery of achemist chef.By sipping a drink named "Ruby Biel" thenimmediatly applying a Medicine labeled 'Stim D', he was able to quidkly heal himselfinways previously unimaginable. The CM/BH was caught on tape /spitting on the former Knight and /sitting on his lifeless head.
The recently debated Order 66, approved by the senate, is now over 60% complete.
In recent weeks, the tally has shifted to the BH as follows:
Losers: -18 JEDI(w/o BH alts) Winners: + 26 BH (and Jedi w/BH alts)
Stay tuned to JNN
Where Jedi Nerf News is our top priority
Message Edited by KeeferKman on 08-23-2005 07:27 PM
ghandi failed, so now they made a show about him (this waas on family guy) Cicks who love Chicks who love Chicks who love Ghandi lol
P.S. look at jedi like this... U r a veteran who has lowered his power and still wins, just to show that it is the warrior that makes the blade, not the blade that makes the warrior
Sounds like the title of one of "them" movies
ghandi failed, so now they made a show about him (this waas on family guy) Cicks who love Chicks who love Chicks who love Ghandi lol
P.S. look at jedi like this... U r a veteran who has lowered his power and still wins, just to show that it is the warrior that makes the blade, not the blade that makes the warrior
Message Edited by Fredwroc on 08-23-2005 04:23 PM