Droid Engineer Archive
Thread: A little story about the cheap, stupid, and crazy
Act 1, in which our heroine meets the frubious Newbie.
frubiousNewbie (fN): "U make mouses?" (I should have hit /addignore right there, but no...)
me: "I can, but I don't - it wouldn't be fair to the people who just made novice DE. They need something to sell. Ask one of them."
fN: "U cn't make mouses!? U r a DE!!!"
me: "Which part of 'I can, but I don't' did you have difficulty with? Ask a new novice DE. They will be happy to sell you one."
fN: "i just want a mouses! Mak 1, I'l pay!"
me: "I'll make you one, for free, but you have to do me a favor, first."
fN: "K! Wut?"
me: "Grab a ball-peen hammer. A 3 pounder, if you have one, but a lighter one will do in a pinch. Then smash your testicles so there is absolutely no possibility of you breeding. Then email me a scan of the ER report, and I'll give you an MSE droid - free."
fN: "Huh?"
me: /addignore fN
Act 2, in which our heroine is bedeviled by the 'frugal'
cheepGuy: "Hi. I want a droid."
me: "Okay, what sort? Combat or utility?"
cheepGuy: "Uh... utility. Can you make ones with crafting stations? I want a food/chem station. And medical modules and armor and storage and data. Oooh, and make it an R2! How much?"
me: (quick calculations of time/resources/scarcity (I'm the only DE on my server who can make R2's)) "22.5k for that."
cheepGuy: "WHAT?!?!? I won't pay more than 2500 for one!!!!! You're trying to rip me off!"
me: "Do you have any idea what goes into making one like that, time and resource wise? Go to swgcraft.com and look it up. Then tell me I'm ripping you off."
Five minutes pass, as cG reads the requirements
cheepGuy: "But you get experience from it! I won't pay that much! I demand that you give me one for 5k!"
me: "You have 'novice scout' over your head. I want 10,000 hides. For free. Because you get experience from them. Sounds really stupid when I turn it around, doesn't it? And, I won't give you one for 5k. I will sell you one for 30k."
cheepGuy: "But that's more than before!"
me: "Wow, you're good at math. 35k and that's my final offer."
7 minutes later: Email notification - vendor sale complete to cheepGuy: R2 for 37500 credits.
cheepGuy, in a tell: "F$$K U! I bought one from some guy named Vendor for 37.5k - he gets the money not you since you were so mean! HA!"
Act 3, in which our heroine learns that not all human skulls are created equal, and learns compassion.
l33tsuxor: "My droid is broke. Fix it."
me: "Uh, what's wrong with it?"
l33tsuxor: "It don't work. Fix!"
me: "Yes, I can see that. What is it not doing?"
l33tsuxor: "Nothing. Fix!"
me: "You are a special creature, aren't you? I will fix your droid for you for free, and you can take it with you on your merry way. Give it to me."
Transfer ensues. How he managed to succeed at that, I will never know. He gives me an R5 that seems to have no abilities, other than being an R5. It was also made by another DE, one who is only slightly more lucid in his speech than this customer of his.
me: "Ah, I see. Your droid is very sick. It has been infected by Tatooinian Metal Eating bacteria. This may take a while."
l33tsuxor: "Noooo! Droid got bit?!? BAD!BAD! U fix!!! U fix!!!"
me: "I'll do what I can. I will need some things. Get me some steel, some extrusive ore, and 50 carnivore meat."
l33tsuxor: "Get u that, u fix?!! i go!!!"
me: *whistles merrily, fiddles with some other droids*
15 minutes later, l33tsuxor comes back, and we trade. He gives me 2000 steel, 1000 ore, and 500 carnivore meat.
me: "Okay, now I'll get to work... I might have to do a transplant, though."
l33tsuxor: "Plz plz plz sav it! I pay!"
10 minutes of occasional "Hmmm..." "Ah!" and "Uh-oh..." from me.
me: "Well, I managed to save its brain, but I had to put it in a new body. Mind you, it will be an R5, but trapped inside a Probot body. There may be some initial confusion as it adjusts."
l33tsuxor "TY TY TY!!! U SAV DROID!!!!!"
We trade. I give him a probot (hey, he gave me 3500 resources, I can't be a complete bitch).
He tames the probot, and tells it, "Dnt worri - u be good as new! U r a pobot now!!!"
30 seconds later, a shout from outside my shop: "NoooO!!! DED DROID!!!" He had attacked a Greater Desert Womp Rat. I gave him an LE repair droid with a stupidpersonality, and told him that his droid wasn't dead, but it had been so badly injured it had suffered brain damage. He was very happy with his new friend.
This makes everything worth it.
Haley Kurai, Droid Engineer/Masochist
Hahahaha. Those storys are awsome.
This was while I was able to make only Dz70 Droids and the small mouse droids.
This guy comes to my house and heres where it starts...
Guy: Hi can you make droid?
Me: Sure what type do you need?
Guy: Strong droid.
Me: Well only combat droids I can make are dz70s.
Guy: It strong?
Me: Not really.
Guy:Will itattack?
Me: Depends on how mean attack...
Guy: I'll take 2
Me: 100 each, but I warn you they die fast.
I sell the guy the droids. Later while I was in the back of my house crafting he comes back.
Guy: They died, can I have my money back?
Me: Err sorry but I sold it too you for a fair price and gave you warning on how they die.
Guy: I WANT MY MONEY.
Me: I told you, I gave them too you for a fair price.
The guy then started cursing at me, so I just kicked him out of my house
THE END 