Droid Engineer Archive

We take you to our show, already in progress here on the Droid Comedy Network...

"...given up on using them in combat, so lets show you just what they can do for you in your everyday life! We followed a known De in the field, he asked we not use his name, but just the experience of watching a Master at work was too good to pass up, so watch the studio monitors please."

Camera zooms in on a man standing near the starport in Corellia. He is standing next to a very shaggy looking creature. "Hey, glad you could make it, I am about to sell a Probot, so hang on" Camera pulls out, showing a large wookie with a very nasty Graul next to him. "So yeah, this is exactly what you want, a female Graul, with her you can churn out baby Grauls and rake in a tidy profit!" The buyer looks over the female Graul. "If that’s a female Graul, why is not Goliath here showing any interest in her?" The Buyers pet, Goliath, yawns and stretches its arms out, accidentally snagging the fur of the female, and ripping the skin off her. The camera follows our De as he breaks into a sprint across the courtyard. "HEY! That’s not a female Graul, it’s a probot with some ratty hides sewn over it! GET BACK HERE YOU THIEF!"

Fade out and back in to our DE, who is in the Cantina, talking with another person. "Yes yes, to increase your productivity easy, use our products in your pizza shop. Our Treadwell model dough flattener doubles as a mixer as well. " Camera zooms in on the face of a skeptical business owner, looking at a Treadwell droid that is trying to untangle its arms after trying to mix a drink for the guest.

The scene shifts to our DE again, looking more and more haggard with each passing day. "..And for you ladies out there, we have the incredible invention, the Intelligent Shoebox! Just snap your fingers, " The DE snaps his fingers loudly and a MSE droid zooms out from behind a building and stops at his feet. "and viola! Your shoes are brought to you! With an armor rating of 20, your most prized pumps will be well protected.!" The DE reaches down and flips open the MSE shell, pulling out a dazzling ladies high heeled shoe, displaying it for all to see. "Excuse me" A rather large lady in the front shouts. "That thing only holds one shoe, I think most of us here have TWO feet, some of us THREE!" The DE looks uncomfortable. "Yes ma’am, you simply buy them in PAIRS, or TRIPLES if need be…"

The screen fades to black and the show credits start rolling, as they do, the screen fades in to our Master DE, sitting on a park bench. He is eating some pre-packaged cheap food. As he eats, you notice how thin he has become, and the fact that his once spiffy clothes are dirty and tattered. He gulps down the last of the food and flips open the lid of a garbage can and throws the wrapper away. Oddly enough, the can resembles a gutted R4 unit. He gets up and stumbles away, limping slightly. A medical droid lumbers into view, starting to chase him, waving a used band-aid in its arm.

The scene fades away…..

"Well there you have it folks, our documentary of the last known Master DE in existance. We lost contact with him shortly after the filming, but rumors have it that he might be on Naboo now making steel Ashtrays. Please stay tuned for our next show, Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, where we interview the average creature handler on the street!."