Droid Engineer Archive

In the beginning LucasArts created the Jedi and the Force.
And the Force was without goals and direction, and Koster was upon the face of the Project. And the Holocron moved upon the face of the waters.
And Holocron said, "Let there be Game"; and there was game.
And Holocron saw the Game, and it was good; and Koster divided the Game from the Creator.
And Holocron called the Pets good, and the bad he called Droids. And the evening and the morning were the first Stage.
And Holocron said, "Let there be a Art Team in the midst of the chaos, and let it create the Pets and the Emotes."
And Holocron made the Executives, and Staff in the Office which were under the Payroll from SOE, which were above the cares of the Customers; and it was so.
And Holocron called the Project Galaxies. And the evening and the morning were the second stage.
And Holocron said, "Populate the planets under the Stars with POI into many places, and let the them be broken"; and it was so.
And Holocron called the POI “Content”; and Pet Artwork together with the Dancer Costumes; saw that it was good.
And Holocron said, "Let the Pets bring forth babies, the brood of which to be Tamed, and the variety of Pets yielding babies after his kind, whose Power is Temptation"; and it was so.
And the Galaxies brought forth Pets, and Pets multiplied after their kind, and the Continuity died, and Holocron saw that it was good.
And the evening and the morning were the third stage.
And SOE said, "Let the release day be soon, as our Profit is to be divided in the day and the night; and it be for all seasons, and for days and years;
and let the Customers be fooled, show them Red Names in the forums asking for help, counsel patience and humor”; and it was so.
And Holocron made two great Cuts: the greater Cut to break the database, and the lesser cut to break DE. He broke the multitude also.
And Holocron set the Release in the Summer, and the Game was born in the Agony of Launch. And the Light shone on the broken Database,
and to rule over the Forums and over the Game he gave CSR’s, and to divide the tickets from the bugs. And SOE saw that it was good.
And the evening and the morning were the fourth stage.
And Holocron said, "Let the CH bring forth abundantly the Pets they have Tamed, and Nerf the droids that may fight upon the earth in the way of the Pets."
And Holocron created great Rancors and every living creature that moveth, which the Art Team brought forth abundantly after their kind, and every CH fowl after his kind; and Holocron saw that it was good.
And Holocron blessed CH, saying, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the Cities in the Galaxies, and let Pets multiply in the Galaxy."
And the evening and the morning were the fifth stage.
And SOE said, "Let the game bring forth Jedi: Holidays are upon us and Box sales are slowing"; and it was so.
And SOE made the Forums of the game private, and sent the Executives to the Media, interviews are free and every subscriber will double; and SOE saw that it was good.
And they said, "Let Us make JustG and ThunderHeart our messiahs, after Our likeness; and let them have dominion over the Forums, and over the Stench of the air, and over the Game, and over all the SOE projects we will set Holocron."
So SOE created JustG and ThunderHeart in their own image, in the hope to staunch the flow of cancelled accounts, and they were drowned in ire by the playerbase.
And SOE blessed them, and said unto them, "Be useful and communicate, and replenish the subscriptions, and subdue malcontents; and have dominion over the forums of the game, and over the forums create Correspondents of the players, and over every thread ask for more information."
And Thunderheart said to SOE, "Behold, I have given you every post bearing info which is upon the forums of all the professions, and every thread is yielding solutions; to you it shall be for given.
And to every Suit of SOE, and to every Player of the game, and to every being that walketh upon the pixels, wherein there is unbalance, Thunderheart has given every Good Idea for Change"; and it was so.
And SOE saw every thing that Thunderheart and JustG had posted, and behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

Thus the Hopes and the Dreams were communicated, and all the host that made them.
And on the seventh day SOE ended Hope, which Players had made; and SOE rested on the seventh day, their Bank Accounts full from Four Million dollars a month subscription fee’s, and the SWG Staff was lacking.
And SOE blessed the Players and sanctified them, because they still paid, while SOE rested from all work which They had not done.
These are the generations of the Pets and of the Jedi when they were created, in the days that SOE got Rich and the Players got Screwed.