Droid Engineer Archive
Thread: *looks around for the 'Merchant Inquisition'* 'Time for a quick question guv'nor?'
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R0ZM4N
Fri Sep 10, 2004 12:31 am
#14
Knocky wrote:
Yes you are still on the map....I check every day.
thnx for the info sweetie
and if anybody mentions parrots, spam or lumberjacks in my thread, ooooo there won't half be trouble 
Kellisanth
Fri Sep 10, 2004 2:51 am
#15
Now cut that out... No more singing...
And you there, living out in Tatooine... What do you plan to do with those large tracts of land, eh?
Mind you... I've heard of some lovely lil' bunnies out there...
Or was that Corellia...
DarkRenown
Fri Sep 10, 2004 3:47 am
#16
I'm a DE and I'm ok,
Work all night and I sleep all day,
I Craft my Droids,
I Eat my lunch,
I Go to to the Village,
On Wednesday i go shopping,
To make sure I undercut Cass on all her prices.
Oh, and in tribute I am renaming all of my Merchant Barker droids - The Parrott!
No Spam intended.
R0ZM4N
Fri Sep 10, 2004 4:31 am
#17
DarkRenown wrote:
I'm a DE and I'm ok,
Work all night and I sleep all day,
I Craft my Droids,
I Eat my lunch,
I Go to to the Village,
On Wednesday i go shopping,
To make sure I undercut Cass on all her prices.
Oh, and in tribute I am renaming all of my Merchant Barker droids - The Parrott!
No Spam intended.
bravo! encore!
Kilarny
Fri Sep 10, 2004 11:05 am
#18
/equip Viking_Helmet
*sings* Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, SPAM! Wonderful spam!
Mightion
Fri Sep 10, 2004 1:21 pm
#19
Listen, lad, I build this droid shop up from nothing. When I started on Rori, all I had was swamp. The other DEs said I was daft to build a droid shop in the swamp, but I built it just the same, just to show 'em!
It sank into the swamp. So I opened another one. That sank into the swamp. I built a third one. It suffered a maintenance bug, disappeared, reappeared, then sank into the swamp!
But the fourth one stayed up! And that's what you're gonna get, lad. The best droid shop on this island!
TheRealTK421
Fri Sep 10, 2004 1:34 pm
#20
Always good to have the parodies on hand...
Enjoy!
/bow
DB'ed,
Enjoy!
/bow
DB'ed,
By BamitJim of Kettemoor
(based on Monty Python's "The Cheese Shop skit
(based on Monty Python's "The Cheese Shop skit
[The scene is the small droid shop of BamitJim of Kettemoor, situated West of Kaadara, just across the Bay, in the Player City of New Hope at the coordinates of 2852, 6931. There is an twi'lek entertainer in the corner playing a Nalargon.]
(a customer walks in the door, he looks strikingly like John Cleese.)
Customer: Good Morning.
BamitJim: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to BamitJim's House of Droids!
Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.
BamitJim: What can I do for you, Sir?
Customer: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the new City Hall just now, pondering mayoral candidates, and I suddenly decided that what I really need is a help mate.
BamitJim: A girlfriend?
Customer: No, someone to help me out with chores.
BamitJim: A child?
Customer: A Droid!
BamitJim: Oh, a Droid!
Customer: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a small mechanical companion would be just right" so, I curtailed my civily responsible activities, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of a mechanical contraption suitable for assisting me in my daily endeavors!
BamitJim: Come again?
Customer: I want to buy a droid.
BamitJim: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the nalargon player!
Customer: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse!
BamitJim: Sorry?
Customer: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune!
BamitJim: So he can go on playing, can he?
Customer: Most certainly! Now then, a droid please, my good man.
BamitJim: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?
Customer: Well, eh, how about a little red MSE droid.
BamitJim: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of red MSE droids, sir.
Customer: Oh, never mind, how are you on R4 droids?
BamitJim: I'm afraid we never have them at the end of the week, sir, we make them fresh on Monday.
Customer: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, an R5 droid, if you please.
BamitJim: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.
Customer: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Seeker Droids?
BamitJim: Sorry, sir.
Customer: Arakyd Probe Droids?
BamitJim: Normally, sir, yes. Today the kaadu that the delivery man rides came down sick.
Customer: Why doesn't he simply hop into a speeder and bring the droids by?
BamitJim: They haven't been invented yet, sir.
Customer: The droids?
BamitJim: No, the speeders. I'm surprised you even mention them since they don't even exist yet.
Customer: One second... You mean to say that we can travel from one star system to another in the blink of an eye, but we can't build speeders?
BamitJim: Exactly right, sir!
Customer: Ah. Yes... MSE droids with data modules?
BamitJim: Sorry.
Customer: An R3, perhaps?
BamitJim: Ah! I can make you one, yessir.
Customer: (surprised) You can! Excellent. I'd like it to be red!
BamitJim: Weeeell, there's a small problem with that.
Customer: Yes?
BamitJim: I can color the chassis of the droid, but the actual droid won't be that color.
Customer: What color will it be?
BamitJim: That depends...
Customer: On what?
BamitJim: Well, we don't really know, it appears to be entirely random, sir.
Customer: Well, perhaps it will be an acceptable color.
BamitJim: Well, it seems that the droid will actually be a different color each time you take it out.
Customer: Well, I guess I can live with that.
BamitJim: Yessir! Well, then what modules would you like for me to install?
Customer: How about a nice data module? I have all these waypoints I need to keep track of you see.
BamitJim: Well,.. The data modules don't quite work as expected, sir.
Customer: How so?
BamitJim: They don't actually work at all.
Customer: Not at all.
BamitJim: No.
Customer: No matter. Put in a medical module. I seem to get incapacitated in every fracas I enter into.
BamitJim: Fracas, sir?
Customer [A bit peeved]: Fisticuffs
BamitJim: Huh?
Customer [a bit louder]: Melee!
BamitJim: Sorry?
Customer: FIGHT!
BamitJim: Oh yessir! I see sir! You get knocked out a lot do you?
Customer: Yes!
BamitJim: Can't help you with that, sir. I'm just a shop owner.
Customer: I don't want you to help. I want you to make me a droid that will revive me when I become incapacitated during my altercations.
BamitJim: Oh, well... I see. Still can't help you.
Customer: You do make a droid with a medical module in it, do you not?
BamitJim: Oh yes we do, sir, certainly!
Customer: Then what seems to be the problem.
BamitJim: Well, it's just that the droid can't actually revive you sir.
Customer: Well, then I expect it will heal my wounds for me when I'm not unconcious?
BamitJim: Not actually...
Customer: Well, then, what exactly does it do?
BamitJim [cheerfully]: It allows you to heal them yourself, sir! And it helps a bit!
Customer: A bit?
BamitJim: A very small bit, actually. Hardly any at all really.
Customer: No matter. Construct said mechanical contrivance!
BamitJim: Ooops!
Customer: Ooops?
BamitJim: I forgot, sir, I'm all out of parts for the R4 chassis!
Customer: (pause) You are?
BamitJim: Yes, sir.
Customer: Ok, then how about a probot? It would be good to have one to protect me when I get into scrapes.
BamitJim: No problem, sir, I can whip one up in a jiffy for you.
Customer: Excellent!
BamitJim: Now, you said you'd like it to have include a medical module. I assume you want the medical module to be rated 110, then?
Customer: I don't really know. What does that mean?
BamitJim: Well, no one actually knows what the number means, just that 110 is as high as it goes.
Customer: Well, then, 110 it is.
BamitJim: Ok, I'll just tape these two modules together here....
Customer: Ummmm....
BamitJim: Yessir?
Customer: Why are you taping those together?
BamitJim: Only way to get to 110 is by taping two of these level 4 modules together, guvner.
Customer: Why not just use a level five module, my good man? Or perhaps a level six module? I guess you must be out of them.
BamitJim [brightly]: Well I could make them.
Customer: Then why don't you?
BamitJim: Well, because I don't have any Duralumin Aluminum, sir!
Customer: Why not?
BamitJim: Well there ain't none, sir!
Customer: It's run out?
BamitJim: No sir...
Customer: Well, why don't you have any, then?
BamitJim: Well, there hasen't ever been any, sir.
Customer: So, you mean to tell me that you can't make a level five or level six medical module without some of the duralumin aluminum that has never existed?
BamitJim: Exactly sir! You are a very perceptive man!
Customer: And you can't substitute something?
BamitJim: No sir.
Customer: Now aren't you both a Master Artisan and a Master Droid Engineer?
BamitJim: Right you are, sir!
Customer: And you can't figure out how to use some other material in place of this material that doesn't exist?
BamitJim: Exactly! Now, I can put these two modules here into a cluster, but that leaves room for one more module. What type module would you like, sir?
Customer: What would you suggest?
BamitJim: Well I could put in an Inventory module, a Repair module, or a Crafting module.
Customer: How about an Inventory 110 module then?
BamitJim: Can't do that sir. The inventory modules are only rated seven. But I can put one here in the cluster and put the second one in the other module slot on the probot and get you a rating of fourteen.
Customer: How many items can I store in one that is rated seven?
BamitJim: Six, sir.
Customer: And how many if the rating is fourteen, twelve I expect?
BamitJim: No sir, you can store only ten items then.
Customer: So each inventory module can hold six items but if you put in two they both together can only hold 10 items? Have I got that right?
BamitJim: You are a sharp one, sir! [He rummages through parts and pulls out some thin pieces of armor when there are several quite thicker ones next to it.]
Customer: Wait, why are you using that thin armor instead of the thicker armor?
BamitJim: Well, I could put on the level five or level six armor, but it wouldn't do you any good sir. It's no better than if I put on this level four armor.
Customer: If it's no better, how come you carry it at all?
BamitJim: Well, it does make a difference on some of the droids, sir.
Customer: Which ones.
BamitJim: Well, it makes a difference on the R units sir.
Customer: Those aren't combat droids, though, are they?
BamitJim: No... doesn't hardly seem sensible now, does it?
Customer: Ummm, no it doesn't.
BamitJim: Oh no!
Customer: What now?
BamitJim: Critical Failure, sir, terrible luck.
Customer: You...do *have* some other droids, don't you?
BamitJim: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a droid shop, sir. We've got--
Customer: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.
BamitJim: Fair enough.
Customer: Uuuuuh, DZ70.
BamitJim: Yes?
Customer: Ah, well, I'll have one of those!
BamitJim: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mister Dizzy Sevengy, that's my name, before I changed it to BamitJim.
Customer: (pause) Advanced MSE?
BamitJim: Uh, not as such.
Customer: Uuh, WED Treadwell?
BamitJim: Not *today*, sir, no.
Customer: (pause) Aah, how about an R2?
BamitJim: Well, we don't get much call for them around here, sir.
Customer: Not much ca-- it's the single most popular droid in the galaxy!
BamitJim: Not 'round here, sir.
Customer: (slight pause) and what IS the most popular droid 'round hyah?
BamitJim: Treadwell, sir.
Customer: IS it.
BamitJim: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.
Customer: Is it.
BamitJim: It's our number one best seller, sir!
Customer: I see. Uuh... Treadwell, eh?
BamitJim: Right, sir.
Customer: All right. Okay. 'Have you got any?' he asked, expecting the answer 'no'.
BamitJim: I'll have a look, sir........nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.
Customer: It's not much of a droid shop, is it?
BamitJim: Finest in the district!
Customer: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
BamitJim: Well, it's so clean, sir!
Customer: It's certainly uncontaminated by droids....
BamitJim: (brightly) You haven't asked me about protocol droids, sir.
Customer: Would it be worth it?
BamitJim: Could be....
Customer: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY NALARGON OFF!
BamitJim: Told you sir....
Customer: (slowly) Have you got any protocol droids?
BamitJim: No.
Customer: Figures.Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me:
BamitJim: Yessir?
Customer: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any droids here at all.
BamitJim: Yes, sir.
Customer: Really?
(pause)
BamitJim: No. Not really, sir.
Customer: You haven't.
BamitJim: Nosir. Not a one. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir.
Customer: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.
BamitJim: Right-Oh, sir.
(The customer takes out a Nuna and sics it on BamitJim)
Customer: What a senseless waste of life.
Message Edited by TheRealTK421 on 09-10-2004 01:35 PM
Kleston
Fri Sep 10, 2004 1:44 pm
#21
I've had my vendors pop off the map the instant they sold out of everything. So I'd assume the lack of the skill would have the same effect.
Drashk
Fri Sep 10, 2004 1:52 pm
#22
TheRealTK421 wrote:
Always good to have the parodies on hand...
Enjoy!
/bow
DB'ed,
I was looking around for that one....
JavelinCatcher
Fri Sep 10, 2004 4:25 pm
#23
oh my word....he did not just do a parody on "Cheese Shop"
/applause
Egna_Dragonn
Fri Sep 10, 2004 6:12 pm
#24
That was an absolutely fantastic piece of parody, BRAVO! Can't believe I hadn't seen it before.
-Egna Dragonn
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