Dancer Archive

FASHION REPORT - FALL 2004

Yes, that's right. Hawtpants have gone out of style faster than a redneck fleeing a salad bar. While always a summer favorite, the recent war between the rangers and the tailors have caused the untimely descent of this article of clothing from fashion pinnacle to yesterday's deep closet reject. We hold hope that it may return to style during the holiday "lingerie" season, or perhaps during "Galactic Nude Month" next year. We're obviously thinking it will become fashionable during the summer months once again when those roll around, but for now, if you're caught in them, you're about as hip as a groovy beaded curtain. Also, we believe when they do return to prominence, they will have shaken the derivitive spelling and returned as simply "hotpants". Recent polling has indicated a rising level of irritation with the overuse of the misspelling of "hot" to "hawt", so expect to see all similar uses of this letter mixup to become yesterday's "cool" and tomorrow's "lame".

Also on the way out are the sunset colors. Bright reds, golds, yellows and their derivitives are now more passe than a green 1973 gremlin. Green, on the other hand, is on the rise. Earth tones, especially in muted variations are expected to be hot right on into those cold winter months. If you're jonesing for a red, and I know a lot of you are, try a deep rust or a mauve. Khaki is up, and of course black (unfortunately) never really goes out of style. Stay away from white, especially on the bottom, but we don't need to tell you that, right?

Personal style is in! Fitting in is out! Looking unique is definitely the latest trend. The style of dress seems to be in the extremes currently, with the ultra loose casual being very popular, and stunningly high fashion also in vogue. Tight fits but with loose cuffs is in. Leather coats will make a great comeback this winter, especially in muted colored styles.

For female intimate wear, midriffs are in, in, IN! Show that belly button. Stay away from virginal white, and if you're looking to wear something on your feet, consider heels, but low heels. The "bad girl" image is expected to be a hot sell, so leather and lace and all the trimmings should be in ample evidence at your local tailor shop. For those who didn't receive the notice, fleshwraps went out a long time ago and are about as trendy as a rutting bantha. And for the last time, no, there's nothing even remotely sexy about your white bloomers and bra. You could have a body that could cause a war, but wrap it in Aunt Bertha's underwear and most men would be more attracted to a desert bol. A dead one. With an infectious disease.

For street wear, ladies, look for long casual skirts that go beyond the knee, unless you're going for that young girl look with a mini. Low rise pants with flared bottoms are still in, but with more of a simplistic style. Expect more of the same for tops, but with the more muted colors. Regal is in, hats are also very much in, if only they'd give us some decent ones. Despite our warning, pink is an acceptable accent color if use in moderation. For the feet, flip flops are still very much in fashion for those casual days of fall, and high heels always work for high fashion. Stay away from the boots, especially the thigh high spike heeled "do me" style, unless you're looking to turn a trick.

Men can't go wrong with shorts on those hot planets. Square cut is in for men's bathing suits through the rest of the year, in place of the hotpants. Gymwear is out, and in fact rather than the gym wear making its way out onto the streets, you may see the reverse. Olive and khaki are still your mainstay, with the muted colors described above as good accents. Demin is always a staple and you cannot go wrong with it. Drop the cloaks and overcoats except when accompanied by a stylish suit. As always, there is no such thing as fashionable armor, so lose it when you ride into town and put on something that doesn't make you look like the underwater mechanized zombie from Lathos 3. As stated, black is always in, but dressing all in black is a fashionable no-no that makes you look like you're on your way to unearth a corpse rather than out on the town for a good time. Ironically, while armor is definitely never "in", the military style seems to be making a comeback, so don't be too surprised if your boy-toy shows up wearing camo pants and a bomber jacket.


Well, that's about it from here. Remember that not everything you see on sale should be purchased, and never drop your gun to hug a Krayt. Ladies, remember that many men may put you on a pedestal, but some of them are doing it to look up your skirt.

I'm out!

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Balgosa wrote:

hawtpants will NEVER DIE!

Long live the hawtpants!!!!

- this message brought to you by "Balgosa for Hawtpants Correspondent".

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Yatta!

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picklesSW wrote:
FASHION REPORT - FALL 2004

Yes, that's right. Hawtpants have gone out of style faster than a redneck fleeing a salad bar.

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: checks Javy's forehead for fever. "Panthu..I think he's ill!"

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Esharra wrote:

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picklesSW wrote:
FASHION REPORT - FALL 2004

Yes, that's right. Hawtpants have gone out of style faster than a redneck fleeing a salad bar.

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: checks Javy's forehead for fever. "Panthu..I think he's ill!"

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Nope completely well and sane.

/cheer Javier

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Esharra wrote:

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picklesSW wrote:
FASHION REPORT - FALL 2004

Yes, that's right. Hawtpants have gone out of style faster than a redneck fleeing a salad bar.

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: checks Javy's forehead for fever. "Panthu..I think he's ill!"

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I know, I think we need to call in Dr. Jessi Hawtpants. *nods*

/nerfs Katier

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Panthu wrote:

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Esharra wrote:

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picklesSW wrote:
FASHION REPORT - FALL 2004

Yes, that's right. Hawtpants have gone out of style faster than a redneck fleeing a salad bar.

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: checks Javy's forehead for fever. "Panthu..I think he's ill!"

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I know, I think we need to call in Dr. Jessi Hawtpants. *nods*

/nerfs Katier

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Yup! Dr. Jessi will whip him back into shape in no time!

... but guys can't look up my skirt when I'm wearing hawtpants...