Commando Archive
Thread: Grab a tissue...this is going to make you laugh tears
Page 1 of 1
Ivoni
Mon Sep 15, 2003 7:19 pm
#1
Star Wars Galaxies
Episode 1: The Phantom Menace
Turmoil has spread across all 26 (I really don’t give a **** if this is correct or not) galaxies. The Trade Federation has disabled all transports in and out of Naboo impossible because of a big blockade thingy. (Who cares, Imperials couldn’t get off-planet because Rebels camped them in the first place). 2 ambassador Jedi have been sent to negotiate with the Trade Federation, in hopes of peace…
*A republic ship moves forth to the blockade. It flies into the hangar, lands and lets off the cloaked ambassadors. The Jedi are led into a room where a 3P0 unit tells them to wait for the Viceroy. Obi-Wan takes off his cloak and sits down, only to slide across into thin air and then stand up. He goes with his master, Qui-Gon, to the window*
Obi-Wan: Man, that’s A LOT of ships out there! How many credits ya think that cost?
Qui-Gon: I think you buy them with FP.
Obi-Wan: But there isn’t a Trade Federation Faction yet!*coughJabbacough*
Qui-Gon: Devs probably gave it to NPCs only…
*A protocol droid comes in and tells them to wait a little while. The jedi converse with it for awhile but that’s all it says. They get pissed and chop it in half while it squeals.. Suddenly, gas leaks through the vents.*
Obi-Wan: Ugh! I’m diseased… ****** Combat medics…
Qui-Gon: Oh man, this is gonna take awhile.
*Qui-Gon and Obi-wan soon emerge and Obi-Wan has all black mind. It takes an hour and a half to heal Obi-Wan. They run down the corridor past the droids and Qui-Gon shoves his lightsaber into a door to melt it while Obi-Wan deflects blasters*
Obi-Wan: Um, master… /meltdoor has been broken for ages. You can just walk through that door anyway.
Qui-Gon: Oh…. Right….
*The Jedi run straight through the door as if it wasn’t there. Unfortunately, the blasters fly right through the wall too. The jedi use /forcespeed2 (which is oddly more effective than /forcespeed3 cough1hmeleehit2cough) and run down a hall and through a vent. They get to a transport and try to sneak aboard, only to find it takes off in “4 minutes and 12 seconds” and they need to buy a ticket.*
Qui-Gon: Hey Obi, I need some creds for a ticket. Can you tip me?
Obi-Wan: Sure!…… Umm,,, Qui-Gon, is your name %TT?…
Qui-Gon: Just hurry up!!!
*Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan buy their tickets and jump on board They land in Naboo and jump off. The Jedi rush off through the forest. Nearby a Gungan is screaming for help*
Jar Jar: Oh help meesa! Help meesa!
Obi-Wan: Oh god please no..
Qui-Gon: We have to remember, we’re jedi. I need some Gungan FP anyway….
*Qui-Gon ignites his saber and saves Jar Jar*
Jar Jar: Oh thank yousa! Meesa wasa gonna be kaadu poodoo….
Qui-Gon: Cut the **** and takes us to your leader.
Jar Jar: Okaysa!
*Jar Jar tells them to swim into the river to the underwater city of the Gungans. They swim down and into a bubble. A large being sits in front of them*
Boss Nass: Ooka lee meesa keecho gumjum logo kashuwanna herbo zfj hfdshfsdgzhsg 1hpfjhf234976gfdg897
Obi-Wan: What the hell is that guy saying?
Qui-Gon: I dunno... Hey, I'll get out my 3P0 unit!
*Qui-Gon reaches into pocket and pulls out an AT ST, throws it away, pulls out a newb melon which is green and rotting and throws it away, then reaches in and pulls out a silver 3P0*
Protocol unit: Sir, I believe he is telling you to give him that rotting melon.
Qui-Gon: Umm, sure, take it…
*Qui-Gon throws the melon at the Gungan who eats it in one bite*
Boss Nass: Coola reenjo nepas okgfh jfjshuiyqtiunbcn32 dfjkh78dtsg87t645209ty!
Protocol unit: He said he wants to give you a ship because you gave him that melon.
Obi-Wan: What’s the catch?…
Protocol unit: You have to take HIM with you…
*Protocol unit points to Jar Jar*
Obi-Wan: Oh GOD, please have mercy…
Qui-Gon: Deal with it, this ship is costing me major Gungan FP….
Obi-Wan: You really didn’t expect to get a ship for a melon did you?
Qui-Gon: Wait a minute, how can we get a ship if the expansion hasn’t rolled out yet?
Obi-Wan: Beats me….
Episode 1: The Phantom Menace
Turmoil has spread across all 26 (I really don’t give a **** if this is correct or not) galaxies. The Trade Federation has disabled all transports in and out of Naboo impossible because of a big blockade thingy. (Who cares, Imperials couldn’t get off-planet because Rebels camped them in the first place). 2 ambassador Jedi have been sent to negotiate with the Trade Federation, in hopes of peace…
*A republic ship moves forth to the blockade. It flies into the hangar, lands and lets off the cloaked ambassadors. The Jedi are led into a room where a 3P0 unit tells them to wait for the Viceroy. Obi-Wan takes off his cloak and sits down, only to slide across into thin air and then stand up. He goes with his master, Qui-Gon, to the window*
Obi-Wan: Man, that’s A LOT of ships out there! How many credits ya think that cost?
Qui-Gon: I think you buy them with FP.
Obi-Wan: But there isn’t a Trade Federation Faction yet!*coughJabbacough*
Qui-Gon: Devs probably gave it to NPCs only…
*A protocol droid comes in and tells them to wait a little while. The jedi converse with it for awhile but that’s all it says. They get pissed and chop it in half while it squeals.. Suddenly, gas leaks through the vents.*
Obi-Wan: Ugh! I’m diseased… ****** Combat medics…
Qui-Gon: Oh man, this is gonna take awhile.
*Qui-Gon and Obi-wan soon emerge and Obi-Wan has all black mind. It takes an hour and a half to heal Obi-Wan. They run down the corridor past the droids and Qui-Gon shoves his lightsaber into a door to melt it while Obi-Wan deflects blasters*
Obi-Wan: Um, master… /meltdoor has been broken for ages. You can just walk through that door anyway.
Qui-Gon: Oh…. Right….
*The Jedi run straight through the door as if it wasn’t there. Unfortunately, the blasters fly right through the wall too. The jedi use /forcespeed2 (which is oddly more effective than /forcespeed3 cough1hmeleehit2cough) and run down a hall and through a vent. They get to a transport and try to sneak aboard, only to find it takes off in “4 minutes and 12 seconds” and they need to buy a ticket.*
Qui-Gon: Hey Obi, I need some creds for a ticket. Can you tip me?
Obi-Wan: Sure!…… Umm,,, Qui-Gon, is your name %TT?…
Qui-Gon: Just hurry up!!!
*Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan buy their tickets and jump on board They land in Naboo and jump off. The Jedi rush off through the forest. Nearby a Gungan is screaming for help*
Jar Jar: Oh help meesa! Help meesa!
Obi-Wan: Oh god please no..
Qui-Gon: We have to remember, we’re jedi. I need some Gungan FP anyway….
*Qui-Gon ignites his saber and saves Jar Jar*
Jar Jar: Oh thank yousa! Meesa wasa gonna be kaadu poodoo….
Qui-Gon: Cut the **** and takes us to your leader.
Jar Jar: Okaysa!
*Jar Jar tells them to swim into the river to the underwater city of the Gungans. They swim down and into a bubble. A large being sits in front of them*
Boss Nass: Ooka lee meesa keecho gumjum logo kashuwanna herbo zfj hfdshfsdgzhsg 1hpfjhf234976gfdg897
Obi-Wan: What the hell is that guy saying?
Qui-Gon: I dunno... Hey, I'll get out my 3P0 unit!
*Qui-Gon reaches into pocket and pulls out an AT ST, throws it away, pulls out a newb melon which is green and rotting and throws it away, then reaches in and pulls out a silver 3P0*
Protocol unit: Sir, I believe he is telling you to give him that rotting melon.
Qui-Gon: Umm, sure, take it…
*Qui-Gon throws the melon at the Gungan who eats it in one bite*
Boss Nass: Coola reenjo nepas okgfh jfjshuiyqtiunbcn32 dfjkh78dtsg87t645209ty!
Protocol unit: He said he wants to give you a ship because you gave him that melon.
Obi-Wan: What’s the catch?…
Protocol unit: You have to take HIM with you…
*Protocol unit points to Jar Jar*
Obi-Wan: Oh GOD, please have mercy…
Qui-Gon: Deal with it, this ship is costing me major Gungan FP….
Obi-Wan: You really didn’t expect to get a ship for a melon did you?
Qui-Gon: Wait a minute, how can we get a ship if the expansion hasn’t rolled out yet?
Obi-Wan: Beats me….
Ivoni
Mon Sep 15, 2003 7:20 pm
#2
*Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and Jar Jar are heading through a series of underwater tunnels. Obi-Wan looks to the side and sees a shadow that instantly disappears.*
Obi-Wan: Hey Qui-Gon, I think we’re being FOLLOOOOWED!!!!
*A giant fish rams the ship. The jedi try to maneuver away from it but it catches up. Suddenly they dive down a hole and come up. They lose it and relax. Suddenly the fish transports right in front of them! It is going to eat them, but suddenly a bigger fish comes along and eats that fish*
Qui-Gon: Phew!
Obi-Wan: Yay! We’re saved!
*The giant fish turns around and decides he’s still hungry*
Obi-Wan: Don’t you DARE say that “There’s always a bigger fish” ****….
Qui-Gon: I know! We’ll get rid of this guy!
Jar Jar: Who? Is yousa talkin’ ‘bout meesa?
*Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan stare at him, stare at each other and nod*
Jar Jar: Oh nosa! HELP MEESA HELP MEESA HERLLP..*gurgle*
*Cut to Jar Jar floating off into the water and gets eaten by the bigger fish. The fish finds it so digusting he coughs it up and dies instantly*
Qui-Gon: That’s the last we’ll see of him…
Obi-Wan: Are you talking about the fish or the Gungan?
*The duo pilot their ship to the surface and emerge in the gardens of Theed, in the river. They look behind them and see a huge waterfall, sucking them towards itself!*
Obi-Wan: Oh no! What are we gonna do?
Qui-Gon: Relax, we don’t get hurt from big falls remember?
Obi-Wan: Oh yeah! Let’s go!
Qui-Gon: WHEEEEEE!!!
*Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan jump off the waterfall a good five or six times before finally moving into Theed. They noticed battle droids everywhere*
Obi-Wan: Eh, what did you expect? It’s an Imperial aligned town.
Qui-Gon: I guess we’d better break out the big guns…
*Qui-Gon pulls three Senior SpecForce Heavy Weapons Specialists out, who detroy the droids. They run around the city and finally find Queen Amidala. The jedi leap from a bridge and ignite their sabers. The droids drop their weapons and break out the pens*
Droid officer 741-OI: OMG ITS THE FS!!!
Droid officer 956-PI: OMFG CAN I HAV UR AUTOGRAPH!?
Droid captain OOM-9: How does you unlock the FS? Plz tell me I havs 5 billion credz!
*Annoyed, the jedi slaughter the battle droids. The rest try to run away. But convient exploits and bugs allow Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi to catch up. Suddenly another battalion comes but a figure appears in the sky…*
Jar Jar: MEESA MEESA MEESA MEESA MEESA MEESA MEESA MEESA!!!
*The concussion of the blast destroys the droids and leaves a black mark on that spot. Jar Jar stands up, covered in ashes.*
Obi-Wan: God have mercy.
Jar Jar: Hello guysa! The fishywoo spit me upoo! Isa backoo in perfected healthsa!
Qui-Gon: You do realize we all hope you die in Episode III?
Jar Jar: …….
Amidala: Hey, we’re right over here! Aren’t you gonna escort us or something?
Obi-Wan: Oh, right….
Obi-Wan: Hey Qui-Gon, I think we’re being FOLLOOOOWED!!!!
*A giant fish rams the ship. The jedi try to maneuver away from it but it catches up. Suddenly they dive down a hole and come up. They lose it and relax. Suddenly the fish transports right in front of them! It is going to eat them, but suddenly a bigger fish comes along and eats that fish*
Qui-Gon: Phew!
Obi-Wan: Yay! We’re saved!
*The giant fish turns around and decides he’s still hungry*
Obi-Wan: Don’t you DARE say that “There’s always a bigger fish” ****….
Qui-Gon: I know! We’ll get rid of this guy!
Jar Jar: Who? Is yousa talkin’ ‘bout meesa?
*Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan stare at him, stare at each other and nod*
Jar Jar: Oh nosa! HELP MEESA HELP MEESA HERLLP..*gurgle*
*Cut to Jar Jar floating off into the water and gets eaten by the bigger fish. The fish finds it so digusting he coughs it up and dies instantly*
Qui-Gon: That’s the last we’ll see of him…
Obi-Wan: Are you talking about the fish or the Gungan?
*The duo pilot their ship to the surface and emerge in the gardens of Theed, in the river. They look behind them and see a huge waterfall, sucking them towards itself!*
Obi-Wan: Oh no! What are we gonna do?
Qui-Gon: Relax, we don’t get hurt from big falls remember?
Obi-Wan: Oh yeah! Let’s go!
Qui-Gon: WHEEEEEE!!!
*Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan jump off the waterfall a good five or six times before finally moving into Theed. They noticed battle droids everywhere*
Obi-Wan: Eh, what did you expect? It’s an Imperial aligned town.
Qui-Gon: I guess we’d better break out the big guns…
*Qui-Gon pulls three Senior SpecForce Heavy Weapons Specialists out, who detroy the droids. They run around the city and finally find Queen Amidala. The jedi leap from a bridge and ignite their sabers. The droids drop their weapons and break out the pens*
Droid officer 741-OI: OMG ITS THE FS!!!
Droid officer 956-PI: OMFG CAN I HAV UR AUTOGRAPH!?
Droid captain OOM-9: How does you unlock the FS? Plz tell me I havs 5 billion credz!
*Annoyed, the jedi slaughter the battle droids. The rest try to run away. But convient exploits and bugs allow Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi to catch up. Suddenly another battalion comes but a figure appears in the sky…*
Jar Jar: MEESA MEESA MEESA MEESA MEESA MEESA MEESA MEESA!!!
*The concussion of the blast destroys the droids and leaves a black mark on that spot. Jar Jar stands up, covered in ashes.*
Obi-Wan: God have mercy.
Jar Jar: Hello guysa! The fishywoo spit me upoo! Isa backoo in perfected healthsa!
Qui-Gon: You do realize we all hope you die in Episode III?
Jar Jar: …….
Amidala: Hey, we’re right over here! Aren’t you gonna escort us or something?
Obi-Wan: Oh, right….
TheCheeseburglar
Mon Sep 15, 2003 7:26 pm
#3
"Qui-Gon and Obi-wan soon emerge and Obi-Wan has all black mind. It takes an hour and a half to heal Obi-Wan. "
LMAO. indeed
TheOneWag
Mon Sep 15, 2003 9:27 pm
#5
Jar Jar: MEESA MEESA MEESA MEESA MEESA MEESA MEESA MEESA!!!
*The concussion of the blast destroys the droids and leaves a black mark on that spot. Jar Jar stands up, covered in ashes.*
Obi-Wan: God have mercy.
Jar Jar: Hello guysa! The fishywoo spit me upoo! Isa backoo in perfected healthsa!
Qui-Gon: You do realize we all hope you die in Episode III?
*The concussion of the blast destroys the droids and leaves a black mark on that spot. Jar Jar stands up, covered in ashes.*
Obi-Wan: God have mercy.
Jar Jar: Hello guysa! The fishywoo spit me upoo! Isa backoo in perfected healthsa!
Qui-Gon: You do realize we all hope you die in Episode III?
wolfgang74
Tue Sep 16, 2003 5:10 am
#7
That's too funny. I'd give anything if they could re-shoot episode 1 without jar jar.
Grifter, Interpid
DasAdin
Tue Sep 16, 2003 5:42 am
#8
I have heard of fans re-editing the movie so Jar-Jar only appears in scenes he is absolutly needed in (I really cant think of one off hand). I was told the movie makes less sence, and would be totally confusing to someone who never saw the full Jar-Jar polluted version, but is much better without him.
Ivoni
Tue Sep 16, 2003 5:54 am
#9
Actually someone did. Pissed of Lucas mightily. Sued them with a quickness.
Look for Star Wars Episode 1: the phantom edit.
Someone with some serious editing skills cut out Jar Jar in his entirety, changed the order of a scene or two, etc.
In all, tossing Jar Jar cut 22 minutes from the film.
Episode 4 is in the works. LOL. I'll post it as soon as I get it.
Look for Star Wars Episode 1: the phantom edit.
Someone with some serious editing skills cut out Jar Jar in his entirety, changed the order of a scene or two, etc.
In all, tossing Jar Jar cut 22 minutes from the film.
Episode 4 is in the works. LOL. I'll post it as soon as I get it.
Page 1 of 1