Chef Archive

No worries. Some of us know that you've been tromping about in the past, trying to save the Night Watch and the Discworld. Clearly, more pressing matters have been keeping you busy. I'm just glad you got that all sorted out.

Long live the Ankh-Morpork City Watch.

"Why were we chasing him?"

"Because he ran!"

"He could have been an innocent bystander."

"What, in this city? We should have grabbed him for rarity value."

It is ok... We still love you.

---

'Good,' said Vimes briskly. He looked at Detritus. 'Incidentally, Sergeant, I've got a report here that a troll in uniform nailed one of Chrysoprase's henchmen to a wall by his ears last night. Know anything about that?'
The troll wrinkled its enormous forehead. 'Does it say anything 'bout him selling bags of Slab to troll kids?'
'No. It says he was going to read spiritual literature to his dear old mother,' said Vimes.
'Did Hardcore say he saw dis troll's badge?'
'No, but he says the troll threatened to ram it where the sun doesn't shine,' said Vimes.
Detritus nodded gravely. 'Dat's a long way to go just to ruin a good badge,' he said.
'By the way,' said Vimes, 'that was a lucky guess of yours, guessing that it was Hardcore.'
'It come to me in a flash, sir,' said Detritus. 'I fort: what b*st*rd who sells Slab to kids deserves bein' nailed up by his ears, sir, and . . . bingo. Dis idea just formed in my head.'
'That's what I thought.'
Cheery Littlebottom looked from one impassive face to the other. The Watchmen's eyes never left each other's face, but the words seemed to come from a little distance, as though both of them were reading an invisible script.
Then Detritus shook his head slowly. 'Musta been a impostor, sir. 'S easy to get helmets like ours. None of my trolls'd do anything like dat. Dat would be police brutality, sir.'
'Glad to hear it. Just for the look of the thing, though, I want you to check the trolls' lockers. The Silicon Anti-Defamation League are on to this one.'
'Yes, sir. An' if I find out it was one of my trolls I will be down on dat troll like a ton of rectang'lar buildin' things, sir.'

---

One of my favorite Discworld passages in the entire series.

Sorry if it seems like I haven't been doing much lately as chef correspondent thing. To be honest, there is really not that much to do since the developers are not reading correspondent reports.

Regardless, by monday I will have another correspondent report to send into the developers. I will post it for you guys to read and see what you think, and then send it in....and see what happens.