Architect Archive
Thread: An offer you can't refuse . . .
Attention all Architects:
Please be advised that to practice Architecture you must be a member of the Architect's Union, Local 104.
Failure to promptly sign the union book and keep current on your weekly dues may result in our taking necessary steps such as:
A friendly visit from three-finger-Louie, who has lots of stories to tell while he smashes up your furniture. He tends to talk with his hands a lot, although his grammar is bad on account of the missing fingers.
Should that fail, we can provide you with an in-depth, personal consultation from Jimmy "da bone" Merinici. Jimmy is rarely in a good mood, whichcan be embarrassing at times considering he is a "chiropractor" (license still pending). If you were a member of the union, then the resulting bone adjustments would be covered by our generous health plan, which stresses prevention as the best treatment, if you get our drift.
Should these steps still fail to convince you of our very attractive offer, then we'd be happy to send the four Pavalo brothers to your office. This crack team of highly accomplished door-to-door salespeople will literally stand outside your door and explain the benefits of purchasing from a union Architect to your clientelle in excrutiating detail. Some of the topics covered in the sales pitch:
1. Union members' houses and shops rarely burn down.Thisis evidenced by this non-union member's house, tragically in flames. Fire protection is standard coverage for union members at a very competitive rate.
2. The clientelle for union Architects rarely find shopping a painful experience. This is unlike the clientelle for a non-union Architect, who may find low prices for structures are generally far outshadowed by the cost of frequent visits to chiropractors and the local medical facilities. Union Architects build quality structures that won't hurt you. Non-union Architects frequently build structures that can hurt you in ways you never thought of. Often repeatedly.
3. We also explain to them the "hidden costs" of buying cheap from non-union Architects. Paying just a little higher price for a quality structure from a union Architect is far cheaper than, let's say,having your pet killed, for example.
4. Do you have Ore and Metal suppliers working for you? It's well known that suppliers prefer to sell to union-licensed Architects. Harvesting in the wilderness is a dangerous business yet statistics show that MOST deadly accidents happen with 500m of your shop or home. An independent research study conducted by the "Made Man Institute" found that out of all the reported fatal or near-fatal "accidents" near a shop, an overwhelming 98.43% were near non-union shops.
The remaining 0.57% was attributed to Louie "the hammer" Dur'ano, who apparently snorted too much spice and stumbled off the edge of his porch into the mouth of a Gug Drolg. The union foreman reports that a condolence card was sent to his familywith the good newsthat Louie's gambling debts were now considered forgiven.
5. Do you have annoying competitors setting up shop nearby and undercutting your pricing? It's a well-known fact that union Architects never worry about that. We take great care in distributing our territories amongst our Architects to maximize profits for you. As a union Architect we have special programs just for you to make sure the competition keeps its distance - or keeps running back from the cloning facility. Either way, you'll be crafting and growing your business while your competition is, well, spending it's time healing.
These are effective sales tactics working for you, the union Architect. We've found that an informed consumer will easily see the benefits of union-labeled products resulting in higher profits for you and with the rising costs of medical care, the savings for your clients just keep getting higher.
Running an Architecture businesscan be very, very, difficult on your own. Join us now and fully realize our motto of "Live Long and Prosper" for yourself.
Just give a shout to your local Union 104 Architect and he'll provide you with a short, easy to fill out union application. Don't delay, do it today. You never know, tomorrow you might be in surgery.
*hide*
aye your right, didnt read the whole way through....
had a bad experience with a similar idea being mentioned to me so i was in a bad mood
nice post 
LOL great post. You have been on Lok a bit to long AzidarNath!
It must be all that lokian air.
Fazed
Village of Oz
hehe, when I saw this same post on Bria forums it made me laugh to. Hey! I'm still waiting for someone to come by and kill my stupid pet!
It should probably be further noted that if anyone is nerdy enough to do the percentage math in item 4 that the sum of 98.43% plus 0.57% actually totals to 99%, not 100%.
This extra percentage point is reserved for the statistical margin of error,especiallysince Vinny never made it past 6th grade so to him 99 and 100 are close enough. Vinny calls this "the new math" and, in his usual good-natured way, has offered to teach this concept to anyone who is still confused.
And that's not just hot air coming from Vinny or unfulfilled promises either. He has already awarded 14 degrees to graduates of his "new math" classes, all of them posthumously. The union, of course, recognizes the achievements of these students and extends its heartfelt congratulations to the widows and next of kin.
I believe this should clarify the issue for most of you.